Embracing Solitude and the Importance of Community

"Solitude invites us to become aware of our thoughts and feelings.

Although this is scary, it is incredibly powerful and necessary to develop a relationship with yourself.

If you find yourself alone, use it as a time to empower and strengthen yourself.

Remember that you are always loved, and you are always worthy, even if there isn’t anyone else around you to tell you so.

May you find peace, purpose, and power in your presence, always."-Barb Schmidt

("Sometimes being alone is the upgrade."-unknown)

I am no stranger to isolation and loneliness. Feeling all alone in my circumstances I was powerless to change, while being flippantly dismissed. I used to be so upset and angry at God for what He ordained in my life and what He allowed, and that I was incapable to change. It pained me so much to see how weak I was and not being in a nurturing and growing environment led to more issues down the road. Depression, unstable moods, developing very toxic traits, and other things. But despite being trapped in a dark prison unable to spread my wings and fly, I've learned and gained valuable wisdom and things in solitude. It brought me freedom in a sense and gave me some autonomy to make what I couldn't have and couldn't be in reality, into creating my very own through storytelling. It upgraded me and gave me strength and control that I craved. Solitude can be your best friend once you know how to take advantage of it.

However, if you're not very careful, isolation can and will take a toll on your mental health. Excessive isolation is detrimental to your well-being and will further stagnate you. It will take you further into dark places that's very hard to climb out of. Before you know it, you'll be accustomed to it where it's running on autopilot and that's even more dangerous. 

It's not wrong to value a lot of alone time, it is healthy for you. You need some alone time to rest and recharge! Especially if you're an introvert. I'm an introverted person and often find myself needing to disengage after a period of socializing, especially in a crowded environment. I do not hate to socialize or have fun and be around people. It's a common misconception people have about introverts. We just thrive differently than extroverts do, who thrive when they're around people a lot of the time. 

I was strictly sheltered growing up thus couldn't socialize and I had other circumstances making it very difficult to fellowship with people. And later on it always seemed like people were unavailable when I wanted to or tried to initiate hanging out or to chat. If I had been born an extrovert while dealing with my circumstances, I would have killed myself! There's no doubt about it in my mind. Frankly, I almost did and landed in a psych ward afterwards. 

For further reading: My Senior Trip At The Pavilion 

Thus, it's important to socialize with fellow humans, especially with other Christians. Fellowshipping with other believers is a necessity and is good for you! You don't necessarily have to attend "church" to foster community. While church is a great place to get connected with people, the biblical definition of church in the New Testament isn't a building, it's believers who meet up to do life together and pour into one another. And be mentored and discipled by someone with wisdom and experience. It can be in a person's home, at a coffee shop, a gymnasium, anywhere. Community is vital for a person's well-being and growth. It is essential for healthy and proper development. Without accountability, support, wisdom, and encouragement we suffer! And when one member of the body suffers, the whole body suffers with it! (1 Corinthians 12:26) 

For further reading: Discipleship

How Can I Be Discipled Today?

My encouragement to people who aren't able to find a community for whatever reason right now is to just hang in there. If you're a teenager reading this, I understand how difficult it is being that age having nobody to really interact with and hang out somewhere. It's not fun being lonesome in those adolescent years as you're navigating who you are and where you belong. My heart goes out to you. If you're unable to find anyone at school or youth group, maybe try a different church if you're able to. Or volunteer someplace that has a peer group your age. I know it's easier said than done but don't get so discouraged. It won't last eternally. 

Use your solitude wisely and learn to appreciate and enjoy your own company. Some ways you can do that is through writing stories like I mentioned earlier. Writing is and can be very therapeutic for the mind, heart, and soul. Freeing you to express yourself and your desires as you pour the words onto the page, whether it's handwritten or on a laptop. I remember journaling quite a bit during my college days and before the pandemic hit. I've then moved onto storytelling afterwards. Both have profound effects on mental health. It can really help if you have a music playlist to go with your writing as you're working on your story, journaling, or poem. There's tons of music stations you can find on the web or you can browse YouTube, Pandora, or Spotify for great music to listen to for free. It's always neat to have the right music for inspiration or to fit a certain mood while you write and makes the experience more rewarding, in my opinion. 

For further reading: How I Obtained More Joy And Freedom

The Power Of Stories Saved Me

Starting A Gratitude Journal

Some other ideas to incorporate into your solitude time is to read lots of good books. Poetry, fiction, nonfiction, whatever you can get your hands on. I saw a quote that said, "Reading is a hospital for the mind." It's true! When you read, you gain not only knowledge but also a glimpse into the different lives of people and an escape into other worlds and places which can help you to gain wisdom, empathy, feel less alienated, and be mentored by some of the greatest voices ever told. Reading enhances your mental, emotional, cognitive, and spiritual well-being by nourishing and challenging you to learn and grow through the lens of different perspectives and experiences. Thus I challenge you to start reading if you haven't already or you're a reluctant reader. 

For further reading: From A Reluctant Reader To A Somewhat Avid Reader

Why Christians Should Be Readers

If you're looking for reading recommendations, your public or school library is a good place to begin. You could also see if your church has a library with good books to enrich your personal or spiritual life. There are so many ways to find recommended reads on the web or apps if you prefer digital over print. Start with whatever you're most interested in learning or reading about and go from there.

Beneficial podcasts, sermons, videos, and blogs can also be helpful in your solitary confinement or quiet moments. So can making crafts, finding a hobby or interest, exercising, and learning a new skill through various sources on the internet. The fact that you're even reading this post tells me you have access to the web thus can utilize it to your advantage to fight boredom, depression, and apathy. It is healthy to keep yourself busy so you won't become idle through wasting hours on TikTok videos or go crazy out of your mind and do something stupid like eating tide pods. 

I know it can be tough to spend time with people outside of work, school or church because they're always unavailable it seems like. If you're currently in that spot, I would suggest online forums, bible studies, and groups on social media to connect with and participate in. It's better than nothing plus you may find some great friends from a different geographical location to share your heart with and be poured into. 

Just remember these aren't substitutes for interacting with people face to face and having fellowship with them. Fellowship is crucial. You can't go through life all alone. We need relationships in order to survive and thrive. From someone who's experienced chronic loneliness and isolation throughout childhood-adulthood, it really prevented me from flourishing and stifled my healing process. Some of that was my fault while some of it was out of my hands. 

I don't know exactly what you're going through right now but please don't resist the idea of socialization and community because it feels so out of reach for you, or you've just given up and want to barricade yourself in your room watching anime or Netflix. 

For so long, I craved an ideal version of community that I couldn't have and I had zero control and power over it and one unhealthy pattern I've discovered in my life, was withdrawing myself into seclusion whenever I couldn't fathom the "why" behind obstacles. My views of God and community were highly skewed based on painful experiences and so I believed that I was "meant to do life alone" despite Scriptures saying otherwise. (Psalm 133:1) (Genesis 2:18) (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12) (Hebrews 10:24-25) (Romans 12:1-13) (1 Corinthians 12:12-30) (Galatians 6:2) (Proverbs 27:17) (1 Peter 4:8-11) (John 17:11;20-23) All I knew was that God was a baffling hypocrite and people were dismissive or flippant so I rejected the notion of community and fellowship and refused to seek it out. 

Now you may wonder, what's wrong with refusing to seek community when circumstances are preventing you from being a part of it? Whether it's for a long season or a short temporary one? Well, that mindset I had made me believe that it was pointless in general. That even if or when my obstacles were "lifted" I was so stuck in that rut, it would become a habit to neglect community altogether. That's the one thing about being so undeveloped without fellowship, mentoring and discipleship, you're stuck in autopilot mode and you become stale and without any correction or guidance, you're unaware of how detrimental and toxic that mindset is. 

Hence why I encourage you if you're in a difficult and lonely place right now, to not give up even when it feels suffocating and hopeless. I remember a guy in college sharing an analogy with me about God and obstacles. He said, "Imagine a father who hasn't heard from his adult child in years. No phone calls, visits or letters, and the father's thinking, "I sure haven't heard from my child in a while, maybe if he'd get into a car wreck but not get hurt so that he would contact me for help. What if God isn't removing obstacles in your path because He's more interested in bringing you through the obstacles so that you would seek Him?"

Believe it or not, some of the most precious moments of being in isolation with setbacks has been spending more time with the Lord through His Word and prayer. It's so easy to get distracted by obstacles you're dealing with that you're missing out on developing a more personal and intimate relationship with Him. God desires that you seek Him because He cares so much about you and wants to spend time with you! He's intimately familiar with your circumstances and struggles, which is sort of unnerving I'll be honest lol but He allows trials within His sovereignty in order to draw you closer to Him. He's very involved in His creation, from the smallest detail. That emptiness in your heart longing for affection and security is only meant for God to fulfill. Hence why every time you look to people or anything to fill that area, it leaves you dissatisfied and wanting more. People will let you down and fail or betray you but God is always unchanging and He will never leave you. And He has your best interests at heart. 

For further reading: Growing In Seasons Of Loneliness And Isolation

What God Has Been Teaching Me

Walking A Lonely Road

Satisfying Our Thirst: The Hole In Our Hearts

The Subject Of Prayer

Having Faith When Things Don't Look Ideal

Understanding God's Love And My Identity

If you're hesitant to put yourself out there to meet people and socialize because you're ashamed of your past, that is when you need to be in community the most! Don't isolate yourself with all your shame and insecurities. I know it's not easy but you are not meant to struggle alone. The more you keep to yourself through isolation, the more it hurts you in the process. Look, I get it. We all have skeletons in our closet, and some are too shameful to be shared openly. I've mistreated some people in my past, said and done things that made them feel unappreciated and worthless. And I've caused anger and severed ties with people in losing their trust. 

Frankly, there are some things that should be kept private from everybody else. Whether you were simply toxic or acted stupid without forethought. But thankfully if you know Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, you have no reason to hide in fear of rejection or shame. He's nailed that very sin you've committed to the cross and died in your place so that you wouldn't have to pay the penalty. He did that out of pure love for you. So you can openly share all your pain and shame that you have with God in confidence that He won't turn you away. 

Some things need be kept just between you and God but don't allow the shame of your past drive you further away from community. Jesus said in Matthew 9, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Everyone has flaws and is dealing with hurt in some way from their past, so essentially none of us really have it all together. Nobody is perfectly "healthy". Thus, we need each other! When people are united together in one accord, healing and restoration happens! (James 5:16) 

For further reading: Church Hopping

While I was a very toxic person for some people, which I deeply regret to this day, I don't regret meeting any of them. They've all played a part in my life and shaped me into who I am today through the lessons I've learned, good and bad. I'm more rational, sensible, mature, and wiser now and I wish them nothing but the best on their healing journey. 

For further reading: Winning The Battle Against Shame

What You Can and Cannot Control

You might be worried that your imperfections or limitations will bring shame and judgment thus put yourself at arms length to avoid the pain of negative criticism and the cost of embarrassment. Thus fear trying because failing produced harmful results. I have social anxiety as a result which crippled me. It's not as bad as it used to be and I've definitely made progress but you need to understand that you're going to mess up and you're going to fail worse on some days than others. It will happen! Welcome to the human experience. Failure is a part of life and learning to overcome our challenges, and the more you run away from failing the more you hinder yourself from accepting and embracing challenges that'll steer you in the direction of growth and freedom. So be careful you do not isolate yourself otherwise you'll be more miserable and stagnant. 

For further reading: When You Feel Like A Failure

How I Handle Criticism 

Embracing Limitations and Branching Out

Now if you're not a part of a community because of bad blood with people in the past, that is no excuse either. As I've mentioned earlier, people have flaws and there's going to be issues with miscommunications and misunderstandings, and they're going to disappoint you or hurt you intentionally or unintentionally. It's important to realize that people can't please you so you need to let go of unrealistic expectations setting you up for bitterness and failure to have and maintain healthy relationships. 

I'm not downplaying wounds you might have, but you're only making it worse on your end by holding a grudge towards offenses whether it's real or perceived. And the best way to overcome that is to be IN community. Don't get my words twisted or try to twist them into saying that I'm encouraging restoration with toxic people as a cop-out to avoid community. I am not against boundaries whatsoever but you still need community regardless. 

For further reading: Unforgiveness

How I Forgave The "Undeserving"

Reckless Conversation

Handling Slight Feelings and Disrespect

Having Boundaries

Anger and Resentment

Bitterness and Healing

Healing From Past Wounds

My Closure Journey From A Toxic Predator

What I Learned Through My Obsession With Seeing Justice

Overcoming False Accusations and Attacks

Let me assure you that when you allow yourself to receive love and reciprocate that love to others, a transformation will take place and your growth and healing will be a testament of overcoming that hurdle. 

"I think once you decide to change, then you've already begun your transformation."-Haruhi Fujioka

If nobody has ever told you, let me be the one to say that you matter. You are extremely valuable and have a significant part to play in making a difference in people's lives. There is a place for you. You are loved and we need you.  

So, get yourself plugged into a community immediately if you can. If you can't right now, don't despair. Be patient and ask God to help you find a good community to do life with, and get out there!

The more you grow in your relationships with people, the more you grow in your relationship with God which helps you develop healthier relationships with others!

"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near."- Hebrews 10:25

"They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."- Acts 2:42-27

Making Marbled Mugs and Embracing My Limitations

So last week, I learned how to make marbled mugs for an adult programming craft at my public library. The reason I wanted to make this post is because this was my very first time volunteering to attend a program for a craft. Now I've never really been comfortable doing arts and crafts or DIY stuff because I'm just not good at them. Even when I watch videos, read instructions and practice, I usually still need guidance or help from people. And my confidence has suffered tremendously because I'm not as self-reliant as I wish to be. 

I'm not saying that I'm handicapped or can't do anything by myself. I can do basic things like brushing my teeth and hair, bathe, put on clothes, make a sandwich, drive a car, but I've always just needed some assistance with other things. It's just how my brain is wired and I simply learn best when combining all learning models with help and guidance from people, at my own pace with needed practice and encouragement. That's how God made me. 

Anywho, I usually don't enjoy doing arts and crafts as much as I probably should because I work in the Teen Department at the main library where I'm forced to come up with and coordinate or lead a teen program like an activity or craft. I was never informed that it was part of the job when I applied otherwise I probably wouldn't have signed up. I'm more comfortable with just helping teens or adults find a book or recommending a title. And share resources. However, I never had a say in participating in teen activities and I still don't have a say lol so I try to be positive and grit through it. That's all anyone can do when they're stuck in a situation they can't control whether it's at a workplace or just life in general. 

I've had this job for 2 years now and I really enjoy it for the most part. Plus, I've prayed for this job so despite some of the drudgery involved, I try to give thanks to the Lord for leading me there. I actually requested a transfer to another floor at the library and worked there for a while until suddenly, I was moved back in Teens and I'm stuck there permanently until further notice. As strange as it was, I can't help but think that God has a reason for me to stay in Teens right now. And that reason is to maybe refine me and develop my character and make it stronger. 

All my life, I ran from problems and difficulties because of my troubled and distressing experiences. Anytime I was faced with a risk of failure at trying new things or making a mistake again and again, I ran and hid as much as possible. I couldn't handle the insurmountable feeling of inadequacy, inferiority, and insecurities I was burdened with. So I stifled it to avoid being the brunt of someone's anger and frustration with me. And anytime I needed help, it was a reminder of my limitations and confidence issues I suffered from. Like looking into a mirror and seeing myself in ways I didn't want to see. Wide open. 

I've shed many tears and pleas wishing God had made me different. Resented Him for making me so weak where I needed lots of help. I've always envied and admired people who were more independent and strong without needing much assistance from others. I wanted to be just like them even though they weren't perfect, but at least they were close to this ideal version of who I wanted to be. Being dependent on others was a curse. And being criticized for failing or not being good enough made the curse feel heavier. I felt powerless and helpless through it all and wondered what was the point in trying if it causes anger or annoyance and condescension. And being judged or gossipped behind my back. So I hid and remained "invisible" so nobody would notice or see how incapable I was. I felt safe inside my space I created for myself. Though I was branded weird and a misfit by others for keeping to myself so much, at least they wouldn't see my failures and struggles and ridicule or judge me. I was convinced God created me to make fun of me and that He was a baffling hypocrite contrary to His Word. 

I wanted to get feisty and sassy towards classmates who got annoyed or frustrated when my performance was subpar and co-workers and supervisors who shook their heads at me and sighed. Some of them gave me a hard time being in my face constantly to berate me. But I never told them off because I'm awful at comeback retorts and I couldn't deny my limitations and failures. 

It's honestly taken me a long time to even begin realizing how distorted my perceptions were based on painful experiences that have shaped my lens into seeing Him and myself inaccurately. But because I was embarrassed of being so weak with my limitations and had self-contempt for myself, I tried to run as far away as I could so I wouldn't have to face it head on. I thought I was setting myself free by avoiding at all costs but instead, I was stunting my healing process and hindering my developmental progress. 

I remember lamenting about my frustrations at how God made me and a wise retired schoolteacher told me, 

"You show so much intelligence, humility, and depth in your understanding and wisdom. And your transparency is a real and rare strength. Our school systems excellently teach very well one kind of learner. I deeply respect and am very grateful for our school systems, but God made different ways to learn and different kinds of intelligence. Intelligence can be a harsh, cold god, anyway. 

I'm glad you didn't get feisty with those who were hurtful and condescending, if you use the weapons they've used to fight them back, you will lose so you've already won! Isn't the truth without love a lie, much less unloving? It always seemed like God displayed His greatness on servants in the Bible who were despised, considered "weak" or lowly and not thought of by others. 

Notice that Jesus's strongest words was towards people who didn't need a physician or "help" from others. If we humbly knew our true identity - who we really were because of God, we could do what God really had for us to do. But, He seems to love us and uses us well even when we don't know that. May you always know how much God loves you and how extraordinarily special you are in Him." 

Her words reminded me of 1 Corinthians 12:12-26 which says, 

"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.  Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.  And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.  If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."

A great friend named Jonathan who I met in college for weekly bible studies that he led on campus counseled me one day just one-on-one giving me an illustration of those verses above. He said that I represented the heart being protected within the body as I'm transporting oxygen and nutrients to the organs so they can work properly, and they in return ensure that I'm getting the nutrients I need to keep the cycle going. The human body has so many different and various functions working together to stay healthy and strong. And the more I learn the anatomy and physiology of how the body works in tandem with each part playing a specific role, the more I marvel and grasp the complex intricacies of its design. In the same way, God designed everyone unique with their own roles to play based on their tailored structure, wiring and abilities so that they would each fulfill their part in keeping unity and order. (Romans 12:4-8)

Jonathan also explained that how the world views strength is the opposite of how God sees it. In God's kingdom, it is reversed where God showcases his strength through people's weaknesses, difficulties, and limitations in mighty and unfathomable ways. (John 9:3) (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) (1 Corinthians 1:27) My eyes slowly began to open as seeds were planted and watered. Several years later, they bloomed after I met a wonderful pastor who helped me disentangle further from my distorted beliefs by addressing certain weeds that needed to be uprooted. After giving me guidance and resources, he referred me to a Christian counselor employed at the church to help me further. Overtime the seeds grew and sprouted to produce leaves and blossoms and eventually ripened to bear fruit. And every person I've met including some I didn't mention, played a part in my development. 

I really don't know why God chose to make me the way I am but how He specifically created someone isn't a measurement of how much He loves them. God loves everybody and we all have equal worth and value in His eyes. He doesn't love anyone more or less, just differently, and He uses us in unique and various ways. Some of us just need more special TLC than others and if we're not receiving that, it really hurts us. During one of my sessions with a Christian counselor, she said,

"Parents play an influential role in their child’s well-being and life. They can either cultivate and nurture good seeds or stunt the maturity of the plant which shrivels and dies overtime." 

I was the latter. I wasn't thriving because I wasn't getting the nourishment and nurturing I needed at home. They weren't bad people, they just had imperfections and didn't have the wisdom needed to help me navigate. The same happened in school and at my previous employers. I'm not a multi-tasker and I'm not good at coordinating or leading a program and I'm always needing help in a lot of different areas. And I'm prone to discouragement and overthinking because of learned behaviors resulting from personal demons I wrestle with. Unhealthy patterns tend to die hard. 

For further reading: Appreciating How God Made You

While this is my cross to bear, I'm truly grateful for people who crossed my path in helping me come this far. Those who didn't make me feel judged or ashamed of my limitations and failures. As I look back on my journey, I can trace evidences of God providing for me in equipping me through obstacles as if letting me know that He's always there to help guide me and strengthen me no matter how discouraged and frustrated I am and whenever I'm unappreciated and not valued by my bosses and other people. 

I'm learning that in order for me to embrace my limitations more, I have to put myself out there in order for people to pour into me. By branching out, I'm given more opportunities to meet people and have them teach me, help me, and shape me to improve and find healing. And I'm learning a lot and growing because of that! This is why community is so vital! There is a lot of diversity and variety within a community that is open-minded, teachable, supportive, and displaying neighborly love. And it's neat seeing how fun and interesting it is! Though it's still very discouraging and frustrating at times, as long as I'm surrounded by the right people to help me when I need it, I'll continue to overcome challenges and help others. 

It's still a challenge putting myself out there to try something different or new, especially when I'm in an environment seeing new faces. There's always gonna be that risk of judgment from others and messing up and requiring help and guidance from people, but I still decided to attend the library craft program because I thought it could be a learning experience and that I could have fun as well. And sure enough, I've writing this blog post to highlight a beginning of some new growth while reflecting on how far I've come! 

Doesn't the one on the right make you think of Marvel?

I like to joke that the mugs capture my two sides. One sweet and gentle and the other rage lol
I work with teens after all so I got to release my frustration XD 

  

I had a good time at the program and look forward to attending more in the future!  

In the meantime, I'll be meditating on these things: Positive Affirmations

Prayer Prompts

Trusting God

My True Identity

How I Handle Criticism

Awkward

His Grace Is Sufficient In My Weakness

"I do not believe in failure but varying degrees of success. I also believe that success is all about doing your very best. Imagine what you would accomplish if you knew what you were going to achieve. This is how you approach life's challenges!"-Terri Irwin 

Church Hopping

Not satisfied with your church?

Yeah, I’ve been there too many times. Someone ignores me, pastor abruptly leaves the conversation, nobody makes effort to greet me or notice my existence, etc. The list goes on. It was the perfect excuse to church hop and land in a totally new environment where everything went smoothly, until….

Someone ignores me, pastor brushes me aside, my feelings get hurt, etc. Tempting me to move once again. I’ve avoided going to church or sticking with a church body for a long time. Oddly enough, after settling in Somerset, I’ve joined a church called Beacon Hill Baptist, where the same things I’ve mentioned have happened to me there. Yet this time, something in me wanted to stay despite strong temptations to church hop once again. It was this inner voice telling me, “this is where you’re supposed to be.”

I remember reading a book from the church library called, “I Am A Church Member” by Thom Rainer. It was eye-opening and helped me understand the importance of being committed to a church body. There isn’t a perfect church. No matter where you go everybody has sins, struggles, character flaws, and much more. There will be people you won’t get along with, quirks that drive you nuts, wrestling temptations, and so many more. But if the Holy Spirit tells you to stay, He has a reason for putting you there.

The more I stayed at my church, the more I noticed my flaws, inadequacies, temptations, personal struggles, and sins. Why do I stay in a place where my struggles and hurts only increase? I believe it’s because in those moments, God is refining me and healing my wounds. I know it sounds crazy, but God often uses painful moments to help you grow and flourish in your faith. To rebuild and reshape your character to look like His. It comes through trials and hardships. No pain, no gain right? If I had left and continued bouncing from one church to another, I would be so miserable and weaker because I wouldn’t have the support, accountability, and prayers that comes from staying in a local church.

It’s still hard and messy, I won’t lie and at times I’m tempted to leave when people are difficult or don’t meet my expectations. I’m still learning to accept people for who they are and not be offended by their actions, which might be a reflection of their problems that they need to work on. Just as I must work on mine.

Some people are intimidated to approach others or scared of looking and saying something stupid or making you uncomfortable. Or they could be just occupied or not feeling well. Don’t expect too much from people or expect them to act a certain way towards you to please you. It increases more of this entitlement behavior you contributed and misery when they reject you.

Invest in asking how you can benefit others by being there. Maybe you could be that greeter or someone who approaches visitors with a beaming smile and a friendly hello. Ask how you can assist or pray for someone in particular. Always be willing to serve and have a prayerful attitude no matter what. Remember that Jesus came to serve and not be served. Matthew 20:28. Pray for those who’ve offended you or are acting difficult. Bless your pastor with uplifting and edifying words and deeds. Remain faithful to your church and treat them the way you’d want them to treat you and your family.

If this helped you, I’m humbled and thankful. If not, at least I got it off my chest. I’ll be looking at this post as a reminder when I need it. Thank you for listening lol.

Discipleship

 Written by Oswald Chambers

If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also….And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me….So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple. —Luke 14:26-27, 33

If the closest relationships of a disciple’s life conflict with the claims of Jesus Christ, then our Lord requires instant obedience to Himself. Discipleship means personal, passionate devotion to a Person— our Lord Jesus Christ. There is a vast difference between devotion to a person and devotion to principles or to a cause. Our Lord never proclaimed a cause— He proclaimed personal devotion to Himself. To be a disciple is to be a devoted bondservant motivated by love for the Lord Jesus. Many of us who call ourselves Christians are not truly devoted to Jesus Christ. No one on earth has this passionate love for the Lord Jesus unless the Holy Spirit has given it to him. We may admire, respect, and revere Him, but we cannot love Him on our own. The only One who truly loves the Lord Jesus is the Holy Spirit, and it is He who has “poured out in our hearts” the very “love of God” (Romans 5:5). Whenever the Holy Spirit sees an opportunity to glorify Jesus through you, He will take your entire being and set you ablaze with glowing devotion to Jesus Christ.

The Christian life is a life characterized by true and spontaneous creativity. Consequently, a disciple is subject to the same charge that was leveled against Jesus Christ, namely, the charge of inconsistency. But Jesus Christ was always consistent in His relationship to God, and a Christian must be consistent in his relationship to the life of the Son of God in him, not consistent to strict, unyielding doctrines. People pour themselves into their own doctrines, and God has to blast them out of their preconceived ideas before they can become devoted to Jesus Christ.

“The legacy of those who came before us is handed down from parent to child and from mentor to disciple. We must never fall or stagnate, but continue to grow and change. All that we’ve been taught, the beliefs and convictions that have been passed down to us. We must continue to nurture them so we, in turn, can pass them on the next generation.”-Phoenix Wright

How Can I be Discipled Today?

Written by Elizabeth George

God’s ideal plan for us as His women — and another aspect of His job assignment for us — is that we learn from other women the “good things” of God. We are called both to seek this guidance and pass on all that God has taught us through discipleship (Titus 2:3-4).

The word discipleship can call to mind a variety of scenar­ios. Most often we equate discipleship with one-on-one, weekly meetings with another woman for years on end. That would be wonderful, but for most people that is neither a reality nor even a possibility. We can, however, choose from some enriching alter­natives if we really want to grow.

Classes are ours for the taking. Churches in every town offer Bible studies and Bible classes. Correspondence courses are also available. All you and I have to do is enroll, do the work, and let God grow us.

Counsel from fellow Christians is also a valid form of disciple­ship. If you’re having a problem, ask a trusted and godly person— and you’ll receive God’s perspective and the prayer support you need. Even if you’re unable to attend any classes or meet with a mentor right now, you can always ask for counsel.

Interviewing other Christian women is one of my favorite means of growth and discipleship. When God sent a godly, older woman to my church, I took one look at her busy life and saw clearly that she would never be able to commit to a series of discipleship sessions with me. So I made a list of all the ques­tions I wanted to ask her and set up an appointment. We met just that one time, but those two precious hours she gave me were life changing! Much of my philosophy of ministry and many of the things I teach are a direct result of that one blessed time in her presence, drinking in her wisdom.

Observation is another biblical means of growth. After all, “the hearing ear and the seeing eye, the Lord has made them both” (Proverbs 20:12). So make sure you are watching, watch­ing, watching! It’s a great way to learn. In fact, Bible teacher Carole Mayhall says one way to learn how to love and demon­strate respect and support your husband is to watch other women. When it comes to admiring your husband, for instance, “keep a list of how other women show admiration for their husbands.” Watch, learn, write down what you learn, and then try those new behaviors yourself.

Reading plays an important role in spiritual growth. Of course, the primary book to read is your Bible. There you’ll find God’s direct teaching. Books offer another avenue for growth and help you develop skills for ministering to women. As an author I always include study questions or have an accompanying study guide available for personal study, growth, and discipleship. Read the books of respected others, who have put into print for us their mentoring programs, their counsel, and their observations. When we read such books, we are discipled.

If you’re not quite convinced, consider these thoughts about the value of reading:

“Reading is the best way to gain knowledge…. [But] only 5% of the people living in the U.S. will either buy or read a book this year.”

Mrs. Billy Graham told her daughters, “Keep reading and you’ll be educated.”

“Don’t read at random — the most important key to reading effectiveness can be summed up in one word — selectivity.”

“One characteristic common to every effective person is that they are avid readers.”

If you’re thinking, “But I don’t have time to read!” or “I can’t add any more appointments to my life,” a wise first step would be a sober evaluation of how you’re living your life. It’s easy to think you don’t have time to read, time to ponder, or time to spend with other wise women. But the simple act of carrying a book everywhere you go gets many books read. I used to set my timer and read for just five minutes a day. That approach also gets many books read. And, simple observation or asking for counsel over coffee, with purpose and humility, will help you glean wisdom from women you respect.

As it was in Biblical times, we as women can feel a lack time for all the demands placed on our lives. But, we would be lacking indeed if we neglected the important call to learn from the many godly women that God has placed in our lives.

*For advice on how to find a Godly woman to mentor you visit HERE

*For ministries and classes on discipleship training and equipping in your area or college campus, visit https://www.ywam.org/, https://www.navigators.org/, and https://www.cru.org/