Living A Lonely And Misunderstood Life

Why are some people lonelier and more easily ignored than others? If you've ever wondered that same question yourself, know that you are not alone. It's true that there are people who experience more rejection than others, or are always overlooked, and are ignored by everyone around them. There could be lots of reasons as to why that might be. 

You might not be interesting or fun to be around. Your passions and interests are atypical, what I mean by that is that it's very singular and repetitive (doesn't automatically mean you're in the autism spectrum), you're not a good listener, you're a bully, you're dishonest, you're very insecure, you're too quiet, etc. The list could go on and on. 

I'll go ahead and tell you that even the most confident person you might know in the room, can feel like an outsider or misfit who doesn't belong. Doesn't matter their popularity status, or grades, or achievements, looks, personality, etc. The thing is, you can be in a room full of people or in a crowd and still feel like you're alone or don't have a place in this world. It's happened to so many of us, and if people are being honest, they'll tell you that. 

Still, there are people who experience this far more than other people. They've tried to fit in by being someone they're not, dressing the part, saying, thinking, and doing what they're told to be accepted. And while it may work temporarily, they usually end up feeling even more misunderstood or lonely than before. 

I've compared myself to lots of people, even the ones who appeared to share the same interests on social media on repeat or post the same thing over and over and over and they end up getting like 50 or 100 likes on each post whereas I only get 1 if even that lol. I've actually received more than just 1 like but still, it's in very small numbers. Some people just have more magnetic charm than others I suppose no matter their personality style, interests, looks etc. And that's all fine. I'm happy for those people who no matter who they are, where they came from, they're more easily included or accepted in a group than others. Even if at times, they feel sad, lonely, or misunderstood. 

Some people are just more set apart than others to walk this path that involves more heartache, rejection, and being misunderstood. Every person is unique by how their brain is wired, how they were raised, their experiences, etc. No two people are created the same despite similarities that may exist. I've really wrestled with self-loathing and disgust in myself for how God chose to wire me and ordain my path in which I had zero control over whatsoever. I'm not talking about choices I've made and consequences I've reaped, I'm talking about stuff that happened which is beyond my control. I've wondered, "Why do I have to be wired this way?" "Why couldn't my path be like this or similar to that person's path?" I truly don't know why. All I know is that the more I dwell on this, the more flustered, sad, and lonely I get.

So what might be the solution to all of this then? I believe the answer lies in being yourself and resting in contentment that you were created for something much larger than yourself. Even when it doesn't feel like or seem like that's the case. You have something to offer that this world needs whatever that is. Whether it's a passion for food, art, music, writing, literature, psychology, criminal justice, etc. Wherever your interests are, they exist for a reason. Even if you're a single-minded person who's passionately focused on one thing more than others, there's a place for you too. Even if that means you have to walk this road of being misunderstood by many along the way.

I'll share a funny story (well, it might not be funny to you). I remember seeing a therapist who suggested I had a very mild scope of Asperger's syndrome (which I know isn't called that now anymore). When I mentioned that to my psychiatrist who is very blunt and observant, he said, "Something is wrong with your therapist." I bursted out laughing after he said it. Lol. He asked me if I knew what Asperger's was and when I shared my knowledge, he sighed and explained what it was and assured me I didn't have it. He also told me to quit seeing that therapist. Reason I share this story is because it's so easy for people to be misunderstood as having this or that, or be diagnosed by others who tell them this is what they have or might have and that is the label that defines who they are. I've been mislabeled as bipolar (which my psychiatrist also confirmed I didn't have) or other things by people who have absolutely no understanding or knowledge yet think they're doctors or smarter than them. Thus try to assume and diagnose me. Lol. As irritating and funny (in a sad way) as it is however, being misunderstood is a part of life and some people experience that more than others. Why? I don't know. They just do. It's all a part of their life calling I guess.

Regardless, no matter how lonely or misunderstood I feel, I try to not let it bother me too much by focusing more on what gives me joy in life. And realizing that I have a gift to share with others, (as all of us do) and the only way I can fully live my part is by embracing myself with all the quirks and everything else, constantly strive for improvement by working on my faults, and use it to live life to the full. Whatever comes next will either try to bring me down or lift me up. In that case, here is a quote at the bottom to read over

"You know something, it’s not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn’t have bothered in the first place. But let me tell you something, there’s not much of a difference between a stadium full with cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will."-Sue Sylvester, Glee

My Life Story & Soundtrack

Growing up at one time, I had a positive spark in me with a resilient attitude as a kid.Whenever I would fall down, I’d get right back up again and try no matter how many times it took. I was full of bursting energy (and still am today) until I got older and it got stifled or went away. Low self-esteem and pressures kicked in and I began to lose that spark I had in the beginning. My enemies named fear, insecurity, self-consciousness, and self-awareness completely knocked me off my feet where I was planted and any joy or positivity I had withered and scattered from the wind. I was haunted by the never-ending noises and echoes of the darkness that consumed me. Unable to register what was true or what wasn’t. The lies slowly creeped in a little at a time, until it became believable and real. I became a walking corpse, wandering the school halls with dead eyes and a lifeless spirit.

I was branded a weirdo, outcast, misfit, unpopular, and misunderstood. Locked up in a cage where my wings became useless and was cut one piece at a time. I couldn’t fly, I was stuck with nowhere to turn to. My cries for help were silenced and muffled by tears, criticism, and disapproval. The darkness around me got bigger and stronger, and the spark I had within me kept shrinking smaller and smaller until darkness found its place to reside in and take over.

From that point on, any efforts or attempts to cast a glowing light were quickly reduced or diminished. My naive innocence however remained. I was an empty and outer shell with no sense of identity, purpose, or direction. I was envious and jealous of those who casted a brighter light than I. Wondered how and where they got strength to shine. Consumed by defeat and plagued by incessant images of myself in cracked mirrors, I retreated further into self-preservation. Stares and glares across the room passed by, I wondered when it will ever end.

An opportunity came by and took me by the hand, it beckoned me to end the deafening noises. I was frightened but at the same time relieved. It would all be over soon. This is how it will end. But it never came. It grabbed me and landed me somewhere white and new. I temporarily found a place and a purpose. I felt loved and needed. It was a fun and joyous experience. For once I felt like I belonged. This could be the beginning of a brand new start.




Once released back into the wilderness, I stumbled and ran chains slowly becoming undone. Landed into a hole where darkness found me again. I struggled into the unknown yet a sense of familiarity washed over me. Time went by and I was still falling until something grabbed a hold of me. Pulled me out and a different light welcomed me. Faint and dim at first until it got stronger and brighter and I could feel my pulse racing. My old outer self, chiseling away and being tapered off, slowly but surely.

Though I walk a lonely road, I feel a surge of transformation and joy tucked inside. As I journey on into wherever it takes me, my heart still beating, I’ve found a new meaning and a place to unlock new chapters and stories. Depths of adventure and wonders await me. What will I find and who will I inspire in this journey of mine? How can I shaped by my unique experiences, guide others to find the light to aid their journey from a dark and desolate place? I guess the only answer I’ve got is to keep going 

Here is my song playlist for My Journey Soundtrack ^_^

Healing And Restoration For The Sexually Broken Girl

So this is actually pretty difficult for me to write because I really don't have any experience with this whatsoever as I'm still a virgin but I hope this will provide at least some help for any girl who's burdened by shame and brokenness from consequences of sexual sin.

So you may be wondering why I'm even bothering to write about this topic, well, I've witnessed a good friend of mine fall into sexual sin and the consequences of that were devastating. She's had oral and vaginal sex with multiple guys including one who was married, and the shame and trauma really impacted her afterwards. So many women I feel like, desperately want that physical closeness + emotional connection that makes them feel loved, valued, and cherished. And there's nothing wrong with that! Provided it's within a healthy marriage unit between husband and wife because that's how God designed for sex to take place. And it is beautiful, holy, and sanctifying. Apart from that brings misery and pain.

Premarital sex or adultery just isn't worth the long haul of heartache and regret as many have reported feelings of numbness, disconnection, and loss of perceived affection. Having sex without a binding commitment will bring mental, emotional, and spiritual heartache and the more people a person sleeps with, the harder it will be for them to overcome the many pain and build healthy relationships. This isn't to say that marriage is the cure for people to release their passionate urges however. There's more to it than that which you can read about in this post Marry Rather Than Burn

Recently me and a friend were talking over the phone for 2 hours just catching up and things like that, and we talked about a classmate who was a Oneness Pentecostal and died in 2014. She had Cystic Fibrosis and was also a closet girl doing all sorts of promiscuity and getting drunk and her boyfriend she was sleeping with broke up with her afterwards. She was devastated and probably ashamed too. Some time later she gave it all to God and felt freedom and healing (if memory serves me correctly) and her CF went away! Everybody including the doctors were amazed and didn't see a trace of it on the scans. But her liver was damaged from all the drugs she was taking for her disease and passed away later at just 21.

It was sad that she died so young. In the end, she was just trying to live like it was her last hence why she did some crazy and stupid stuff back there because she understood her mortality. To some extent, I can understand her reasons and I don't place condemnation on her or anyone else who's done similar or the same.

If there's one message I want to get across to women out there who are dealing with this, know that you are loved and your brokenness doesn't define your worth and value as a whole. You might not believe that. But even though you don't believe it, there is hope for you. If God can restore and heal the girl with CF, the adulterous woman (John 8:1-11) and the unnamed woman who most likely was a harlot (Luke 7:37) in the Bible for all their sins, where they felt whole, loved, and forgiven, He'll also do the same for you. Question is, do you receive it and believe He will? If not, examine the "why". If you're struggling to find the cause or don't know where to begin, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal it to you and surrender it to Him. It won't be easy. It'll be painful as you dig deep to see what's hidden brought to light. But He really does want to help you and He will!

Some Scriptures that may speak to you if you need it...

"Who is there to condemn us? For Christ Jesus, who died, and more than that was raised to life, is at the right hand of God--and He is interceding for us."-Romans 8:34

"Even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and He knows all things. Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God, and we will receive from Him whatever we ask, because we keep His commandments and do what is pleasing in His sight."-1 John 3:20-21

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord"-Romans 8:38-39

Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]. Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 AMP

"I sought the Lord [on the authority of His word], and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant; Their faces will never blush in shame or confusion. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him And saved him from all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him [with awe-inspired reverence and worship Him with obedience], And He rescues [each of] them. O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good; How blessed [fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God] is the man who takes refuge in Him. O [reverently] fear the Lord, you His saints (believers, holy ones); For to those who fear Him there is no want. The young lions lack [food] and grow hungry, But they who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing."-Psalms 34:4‭-‬10 AMP

For more recommended articles

Making All Things New For The Sexually Broken

Fixing Sexual Brokenness

Walking A Lonely Road

I was listening to a song by Green Day called “Boulevard of Broken Dreams,” and these lyrics have resonated more to me than ever throughout the years.

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don’t know where it goes

But it’s only me, and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the boulevard of broken dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I’m the only one, and I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone

I walk alone and I walk a…

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

Till then I walk alone

I’ve walked a lonely road for a long time and still do at times. Feel like God ordained my path a certain way just from with struggles that set me apart from the rest. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t meant to belong anywhere even when I’m surrounded by people. Every time I desperately wanted to fit in and belong to a community of people who would accept me and love me, it resulted in more loneliness and sadness.

I used to believe that God was a cold-hearted Creator who was distant and couldn’t care less about my desperation to belong, feel loved, and be known. To not have the opportunity to experience the gift of a friend. But some of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that we cannot find those in people because they will let us down. Human beings are naturally selfish, cruel, contradictory, tainted in sin, broken, and finite. It’s a byproduct of this fallen world we live in. We sin against and hurt people because nobody’s perfect. There are plenty of passages in the Bible that address how wicked and deceitful the human heart is. All the way from beginning to end.

Each and every time, God who was there all along and cared more and could relate more than I ever realized or imagined, kept bringing me back to Him even after much resistance and backsliding. But I thank Him for never giving up on me even when people fail me and can’t understand.

I have been learning and I’m still learning that God has indeed set me apart from everyone else even when the journey is lonely, painful, and hard to swallow and fathom. My road to sanctification is uniquely tailored and crafted, paved in such a way nobody can relate to no matter who I’m with or how many people I’m surrounded by. And I feel it will only deepen the more I journey towards that road. Though I feel lonely, I’m never truly alone.

I love what my friend Becka shared on loneliness and sanctification which hit home for me.

Written by Becka

I have this entire piece by Tozer written in the back of my Bible. Do you know something of this loneliness? I think it’s a longing for Heaven, for something deeper, something holy and not vain. Something that lasts. I think the holier a Christian becomes in sanctification, the lonelier they get because they’re pulling away from the pack, as it were, in wisdom and knowledge of God, even from those in their own circle of friends and family.

But when you meet or know someone on a similar path, it’s like coming face-to-face with a kindred spirit. Finally, someone who gets it, who understands these deep longings for God! They’re like a breath of fresh air from Glory. Now there goes a solid saint!

Ever felt that in another? I have. But O, how rare they are! It is true the deeper you get in sanctification, the lonelier you become. The only One who can relate is the Lord Jesus Himself. And as Tozer rightly assessed, it is exactly this loneliness that throws this Christian back upon God, seeking the deep fellowship that often only He can provide.

THE LONELINESS OF THE CHRISTIAN

By A.W. Tozer

The loneliness of the Christian results from His walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well from that of the unregenerate world.

His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorptions in the love of Christ; and because with his circle of friends there are few who share his inner experiences, he’s forced to walk alone.

The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord himself suffered in the same way.

The man (or woman) who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the surpreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious so he is avoided, and the gulf between him and society widens.

He searches for the friends upon those garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none, he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is the very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God, which he can find nowhere else.

“The modern philosopher had told me again and again that I was in the right place, and I had still felt depressed in acquiescence. But I had heard that I was in the wrong place, and my soul sang for joy, like a bird in spring.”-G.K. Chesterton

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”-C.S. Lewis