How Respond To False Accusations And Attacks

Being accused in a negative light isn't fun or pleasant to deal with. It can happen due to miscommunication and misunderstandings where someone accuses someone else of something wrong and untrue based off of faulty assumptions or judgment but then there's another form of false accusation known as slander. 

When someone slanders you, they're doing so with a malicious intent to see you suffer. Whether it stems from jealousy, bitterness, or rage against a perceived slight or fault. It's a deadly poison of the human tongue. It's bent on damaging a person's reputation or character, mixed in with an additional element of dishonesty. Thus taking it a step further than gossip, and people instantly gobble it up which makes it so hard to fight against. That's one of the downsides of being around people, including ministry! Because when you're invested in relationships, you'll see all kinds of sins, shortcomings, and flaws. And they're all recipes for discord and dysfunction. 

When you've been falsely accused by someone whether it's to your face or behind your back, it's painful. It's like a sharp pointed dagger straight out of someone's mouth. And the last thing anyone wants to do is stay quiet in the midst of false and angry accusations or slander. 

It is our natural tendency as humans to get defensive when we're feeling attacked or pressured by fear of what people will think. Especially when they're staring at you from across the room, avoid you when they see your presence, or are talking behind your back, blocking your social media profile, etc. It is really hard! You want to say something so bad to clear your name and be heard, but when it comes to slander and attacks, the most important thing to learn is knowing when to walk away. 

It is frustrating and challenging to keep quiet. It's especially more challenging for pastors or worship leaders. I have a friend who was a victim of slander and gossip at his church, and it created a lot of stress and division. Which is another deadly aspect of slander and gossip, because it's a breeding ground for numerous of sins and once it starts, it spreads quickly. And soon, it becomes a pot stirred with hostility, confusion, bitterness, and anger. 

When one member of the body suffers, the entire body suffers with it. (1 Corinthians 12:26) While it's understandable to want to defend yourself, especially if you're serving in a leadership position at church, understand that you can unintentionally spark the flames and get burned even hotter. 

Therefore, it's important that you never let yourself be steered by fear of what people think in that situation. No matter what's being said and who's hearing it. It can be even more difficult when someone hearing the slander starts attacking you with hostility and judgment. 

When someone spews forth hateful or spiteful accusations against you, rather than respond with anger or defensiveness, stay calm in your approach. Let them get angry all they want. If they want to communicate with angry and hostile words to your face or behind your back, let them do it without losing your composure.. 

Remain silent against any and all accusations. Asking questions may steer the person into getting to the root of the problem, but it may only agitate them further. Keep your sentences short and to the point if you must. You'll know right away when someone is teachable enough to pause and reflect. If they won't listen, don't waste time arguing. 

They're not seeking to understand anything you have to say, no matter how sincere and honest you are. Or how much you're just wanting to understand. Their main concern is spewing hostility and judgment based on how they've perceived the events and what they're feeling. And it may not have anything to do with you at all! Some people will use whatever situation they can as an outlet to release whatever inner turmoil they have. 

An angry person is just an angry person. You can't reason with them. Nothing good comes out of their mouths when their heart is full of destructive and venomous anger. For out of the mouth, the heart speaks. (Luke 6:45) 

"And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself."-James 3:6

"Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools."-Ecclesiastes 7:9

"A hot-tempered man/woman stirs up strife, but he/she who is slow to anger quiets contention."-Proverbs 15:18

"Do not answer a fool according to his/her folly, or you yourself will be just like him/her. Answer a fool according to his/her folly, or he/she will be wise in his/her own eyes."-Proverbs 26:4-5

Use logic and wisdom instead of your emotions when confronted in hostile situations. Stay calm and resist the urge to defend yourself in triggering or tense situations. 

Often times, it is best to remain silent in the midst of false accusations, no matter the reason for it. If you're not careful, it can spark a fire and bring more damage to the flame. 

There is power in keeping quiet when you are tempted to defend yourself. Whether guided by fear of people's opinions or anger, the best response to slander and attacks is to remain calm and let the Lord fight for you. (Exodus 14:14) Even when it's hard. There is more strength in silence than there is in speaking. One must learn when to be silent in times of adversity and persecution. 

Contrary to popular belief, being quiet isn't a sign of weakness or necessarily guilt of immoral acts. It's saying that you're not wasting any effort in changing a person's outlook of you. You're letting your character do all the talking instead of words. 

Jesus committed no crime whatsoever yet didn't defend Himself when He was wrongly accused. He had every right to, He didn't commit sin. But He chose silence to prove His point. That He didn't need human approval and validation to accomplish what He set out to do. 

When feeling attacked by vicious words or misleading information, understand that what they're saying or doing is a reflection of how they're feeling, their perceptions, etc. More than it is about you. You can't change or control any of that. But you can change how you choose to respond. 

So how exactly do you respond other than keeping silent? You respond with grace and Agape love. Agape is a hard concept to get. It's not something humans are naturally taught. We understand judgement, we understand legalism (law), and we understand Eros love. But Agape love is the highest form of love that is sacrificial and serving. It's the love that God has and demonstrated. 

To demand respect and understanding, you must be the first to give it, even to those who started or contributed to sullying your name. Whether through misunderstandings, miscommunication, gossip, etc. 

When being slandered, it's critical to obtain counsel from wise elders or people you know and seek God through prayer for wisdom and discernment on how to respond/confront the slanderer (if you're in a position to do so). 

In most cases, there's three sides to the story. There's your side, my side, and the truth. Truth often gets twisted or distorted by perceptions based on feelings or poor communication and being told misleading information. Thus, creates this big misunderstanding that leads to drama, confusion, and anger or division. Which is why it's crucial to learn how to communicate clearly, effectively, and appropriately. 

Open and direct communication takes care of many potential issues that could arise from withholding information. Never be afraid to communicate the truth of the matter entirely. Fear opens the door to deception no matter the intent and creates partial or false realities of the situation or person. And that leads to even more trouble. When you communicate with someone about the slander, be gentle, not antagonistic or hateful. 

While it's important to call out slander, it matters how you approach the person. Put aside any rage or resentment you may have, and seek to be truthful while listening and understanding the situation and the person's point of view. You may be surprised by what you hear. If the person understands and repents, you've "gained (or restored) a brother or sister." -(Matthew 18:15) 

Jesus never taught His followers to "chastise" people through bashing and beating them down. He rebuked people and didn't minimize sin, but He didn't bully, browbeat or harass people into repentance. It never works and will only damage a person's credibility and witness. I've personally seen this happen and it's not pretty. It's never a way to evangelize or minister the gospel to people. 

"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted."-Galatians 6:1

"A fool gives full vent to his/her anger, but a wise man/woman keeps himself/herself under control"-Proverbs 29:11

 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (and conflict). The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly "-Proverbs 15:1-2

When one gets to a place where they're seeking to listen and understand more than relying on their feelings or snap judgments, wisdom and maturity follows. 

Just remember Christians, humans are not your enemies. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against dark forces in the spiritual realm. (Ephesians 6:12) 

You are not in a battle against your co-worker spreading malicious gossip about you, your boss who belittles and bullies you with abusive power, or someone who slandered you in church, recognize that these people are being influenced by darkness. 

The only way you can combat evil is by praying for those people and doing good to them. (Matthew 5:1-12) (Matthew 5:43-45) (Luke 6:27-28) Sowing righteousness and heavenly rewards out of obedience to the Most High. He will settle all accounts with them for vengeance is not yours, it is His to repay. (Romans 12:17-21) 

Yes, it's hard because we go by what we see in front of us, instead of what's invisible in the background. It's not easy to love the "unlovable" and forgive those we deem "undeserving", but they're being manipulated by dark, evil forces and have most likely opened themselves up to darkness by deep wounds and possibly other contributing factors. It doesn't excuse or justify their actions, instead, it calls for intercession and being a light to this world through good deeds. (Matthew 5:16) (1 Thessalonians 5:5) (Acts 26:18)

Never let someone's misery and hatred cause you to develop an unforgiving and critical attitude/spirit inside of you. Remain soft and teachable in those tough moments so that you'll reap a harvest of plentiful fruit instead of bitter weeds. (John 15:1-5)

You may never get an apology or closure from that person or group but this is where you must decide if that will hold you back from loving and serving others while living your life. You have to be braver and stronger than the circumstances and the people who continue to perceive you in a negative light, etc. 

Remember, what someone does is a reflection of their perceptions and feelings, etc. Nobody is perfect and we're all learning at our own pace. Therefore it is necessary (not easy) to sow grace instead of judgment towards people no matter how easy it is to assume their motives behind their behavior/actions. 

They may not change but only you can work on yourself and change for the better. So do that and let God handle the people involved and the situation. In due time, the truth will be revealed to them. He'll do it in a way you never thought or imagine He would. Trust Him to take care of it. Whatever harm that was done to you won't be in vain. I promise. (Romans 8:28)

In the meantime, one of the ways you can process what's happened is journaling. Rather than going to another person or multiple people to share your heart in hopes of receiving comfort, it is better in my opinion, to have a solo outlet that doesn't involve a person. Because if you're not careful, you could be guilty of gossip or slander yourself. Thus, end up slandering the slanderer or gossiper. 

I think there's a need and a place for sharing your heart with someone to help you vent and process your emotions, but always check your heart through introspection and with whom you share with. Not all venting is healthy and can stir more conflict for you and other people involved. And if you're honest with yourself, you've done this at some point in your life. 

You could instead use journaling as writing a letter to the person or people involved and share your heart out without mincing any words. I have found that writing is more therapeutic and fun actually, or it can be lol. Write it out on paper or type it on your computer and play some music to match your emotional level and intensity/speed of your hand movements. Lol. It's perfect for "emotional dumping" so that you can have more headspace to process with a trusted friend or confidant. :] 

Another healthy way to help process is playing worship songs that speak of God's character and what He's done, and reassures/reaffirms you of your identity in Him. This is really important because without knowing who you are as a child of God, you'll constantly be seeking validation and acceptance in wrong places. 

But if God is for you, then who can be against you? (Romans 8:31) Why do you need human respect and approval when you already have His love and acceptance? Doesn't His opinion matter more than someone's negative outlook of you? Who are they compared to an Almighty Savior and God whose love for you abounds in the highs and lows? The answer: nobody. 

It definitely is a struggle to believe that at times, but there is no shame for one who rests silently and puts their full trust in Him to make things right. 

Continue to draw near to God and renew your mind through His Word (James 4:7-8, Romans 12:2) so that you can combat the fiery weapons of lies and attacks against you. By wearing His full armor He's given you to supply and strengthen you in battle to conquer your real enemies. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

Let your love and joy be a testimony. (1 Peter 4:8, Philippians 4:5, Habakkuk 3:17-19) Hang in there. Keep fighting the good fight. 

"And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town."-Matthew 10:14

"The fear of man is a snare, but the one who trusts in the LORD is protected."-Proverbs 29:25

"When anxiety overwhelms me, your consolation delights my soul."-Psalm 94:19

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety."-Psalm 4:8

"Here is my servant, whom I uphold,

    my chosen one in whom I delight;

I will put my Spirit on him,

    and he will bring justice to the nations.

He will not shout or cry out,

    or raise his voice in the streets.

A bruised reed he will not break,

    and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;

  he will not falter or be discouraged

till he establishes justice on earth.

    In his teaching the islands will put their hope."-Isaiah 42:1-4

What I Learned Through My Obsession With Seeing Justice

*This post contains major trigger warnings of sexual abuse/assault and trauma. Please read at your own risk.

This is simply me rambling about what I've learned after I found closure from seeking justice involving a predator. 

To sum it up for those who don't know, I encountered a predator who pretended to be a Christian and used "spirituality" to deceive vulnerable targets and groom them for his abuse. After finding out all of this, I went into this very large and unstable, obsessive rage because he was getting away and living a decent life. 

I was very upset and angry at God thinking He was very biased and careless and couldn't understand why. It really wrecked my mental health because nothing was being done and I was extremely confused. And I felt powerless. 

I questioned what I thought I knew about God and the Bible based on personal past experiences I've had with Him that needed to be uprooted as they were consuming me and causing my large obsession. As well as my massive desire for seeing justice and accountability. Because it all seemed so unfair. 

I thought, "Why are some allowed to get away with it all while others are brought to justice?" It always baffled me seeing the scales of justice unbalanced and when I can't understand "why", it bothers me until I see a resolution. 

People were telling me I needed to "let it go" and "find closure" which only made me angrier because they were flippantly dismissing justice and focusing more on my mental state and faults. It was a terrible and isolating experience but in the end, I found closure once and for all. And it wasn't because of what people were saying, but because of the slow work God was doing in my heart and helping me be free. Through that process, I learned and gained valuable wisdom that I wanted to share to help others who might need to hear this.

If you're in a similar spot right now, let me just say that a lot of people generally don't have the patience or understanding to just listen and try to see the other person's perspective because they can only see through their own lens, if they have not experienced firsthand what it's like to be in someone else's shoes. 

Humans (especially in churches) tend to be myopic, and so they'll dismiss, downplay, and throw a bunch of Scriptures at you while preaching because so often, they just want a quick fix to shut you up and move on with their lives. It's true! And many of them don't realize or understand that whenever a person hasn't healed right away or gotten over a situation, it's because there's a root that hasn't been addressed. 

People tend to focus only on the symptoms they see, that they fail to consider the root problem. And in order to treat symptoms, you gotta address the root. It can be very tricky. Hence why wisdom and discernment is crucial. Without those, you inadvertently can cause or contribute more harm. 

Whenever people were more focused on my faults, it just made me angrier and didn't help my large obsession simmer down at all. It sort of fanned the flame hotter. Only four people weren't dismissive or focusing more on my obsession by telling me to shut up. (Thank you Pastor Caleb, Jonathan, Craig, and Chris.) 

They simply listened, didn't criticize or minimize, didn't tell me to find closure, didn't downplay my feelings and desire for justice, didn't focus on criticizing my faults more, and they also didn't "preach" at me like Job's friends in the Bible. A couple of them prayed for me as well without saying a word to me as I vented. To those friends, I'm very grateful despite how unstable and obsessive I was. 

For a while, I was baffled and angry about people's concern for me. Like huh? My mental health is more important than justice? I did ramble on and on about it but because I was so bitter and confused believing that guy was being let off the hook and being rewarded for it by a sovereign God. And when I can't fathom the "why" behind it, it just made me more angry and perplexed. 

Let me just preface this by saying you're allowed to be angry and hurt. You're allowed to be angry at injustice. And you're also allowed to be angry when it seems people are sitting around a campfire singing kumbayah while they're more focused on telling you to "get over it" or "find closure" despite the frustration at seeing injustice happening and nothing being done about it. Especially if you have a strong sense of justice and accountability. There's nothing wrong with that! But you need to be careful because it might consume you without you even knowing it! 

One thing I've learned is that you should never go so far as to seek justice at the cost of your own well-being. That will drag you down to the level of the person/s you’re seeking justice against. Also, it is no longer justice but becomes more of a vendetta at that point. You need to learn the difference between the two. Where is the line drawn to seek out this justice in this scenario? Maybe it starts off with gathering evidence and showing it to people to bring attention to the issue. 

But when it appears to fall on deaf ears and blind eyes, you step it up and start finding different ways of seeking evidence to get the gratification you’re looking for of getting this person locked away, but when that obsession takes away your mental health and you start getting more desperate and reaching out further and further, the actions become more extreme, whether by your hands or someone else's, maybe not even by someone's hands you intended, the lines become blurred, and if you let your brain get too out of control, awful ambiguous thoughts, like, “the ends justify the means”. Run through your head. 

Before you know it, you become a victim to this person as well, through the mental degradation that came from the downward spiral of seeking justice. Giving that person more power and losing yourself in the end. 

With so many predators out there uncaught, you wouldn't be any help to anyone by putting so much time and effort into one that it destroys you. Best thing to do is to bring awareness of what you noticed and learned. And teach young women and men how to spot a predator (male or female), and report them if possible. 

Yes, it sucks seeing them escape consequences and while it may seem unfair that they're living decent lives while their victims continue to suffer from PTSD and other mental issues, please understand that you can't "control" circumstances to find closure or see things work like they should. 

When it seems like victims of sexual predators aren't doing anything or they don't care about the prospect of other victims falling at the predators hands, it can make things more difficult and confusing. 

I remember a TikTok influencer sharing her SA story and encouraging other survivors to report to the police ASAP while regretting not doing it sooner because more victims were involved since the predator wasn't caught. Other SA survivors have reported similar feelings. And unfortunately, it happens more often than realized. 

Failure to report will result in more victims getting hurt. As frustrating as it is however, if the survivor isn't ready to report, there's nothing that can be done. So many have reasons for not doing it and none of them are justified and they know this, BUT, they're still processing the trauma and many were shamed after telling somebody about it so it's very hard for them to come forward when they should. 

Also, the fact is, it's harder to prove than any other crime because, with murder, there's a body and with theft, a missing item. That said, it's difficult to report sexual assault/abuse immediately after.

At first, I didn't (and couldn't) understand until I read a fictional book where it has this descriptive scene of a child being raped by her instructor and I sobbed when I saw the child dissociating from that. And the severe trauma it gave her and how her mind wasn't able to process the horror. And her family and friends all blamed her and called her disgusting. It was tragic. She ended up killing her teacher who I hated so much. But the scenes of her mental deterioration and dissociation broke me.

The author is a phenomenal writer and the way she wrote some of those gruesome scenes and the mental state the main character went through was intense! I don't know how she managed to write it! It's definitely helped me gain more awareness of what sexual assault victims have gone through and to support them even more now. And I'm very grateful for that. Since then, I have gotten myself involved in supporting a group of male and female survivors of sexual abuse/assault. 

I really feel like I have found closure now. Eventually, thanks to what happened on July 5th, 2021. To where now I no longer need proof of justice in front of me to see that God isn't a baffling hypocrite contrary to His Word and that He's not aloof towards tragedy and injustice and genuinely does care and have your best interests at heart

I'm way more content and chill about the situation now. I was learning how to maneuver a very difficult situation and I'm still learning. And though I've certainly stumbled, and failed. It's the progress that matters more than the end result. 

It is certainly possible to advocate and inspire others to speak up and report their abuser if possible while also helping those who feel they can't move forward until they see justice without minimizing or focusing more on their faults or large obsession that stems from not comprehending the "why" behind the unfavorable and unfortunate reality. 

My experiences have taught me all of this. And so I aim to use them to help others whether it's to find closure from not seeing justice or helping someone too traumatized to seek help or report their abuser. The best anyone can do is provide a listening ear, be willing to understand without the urge to lecture, criticize or preach dismissively too quickly or rashly. (This applies to both SA victims and people like myself who wasn't sexually assaulted want to see justice) 

But what if justice never happens? Will you continue to be bitter and lose yourself in the process because you're not getting answers? Or will you put it all to rest and trust that everything will eventually work out even when evidence is not visible in plain sight? It's not an easy choice but when you're at this crossroad, you must choose the latter. 

Just remember the idiocy or lack of accountability in churches regarding handling abuse and predation is not God. It's people. When the justice system fails to deliver, it's not God, it's the corrupted idiots voted in power who more than likely have secret sins involving minors. And it is NEVER, I repeat, NEVER the victims fault for sexual abuse/assault. 

It's more important to listen to them and validate their feelings and experiences even when they're afraid to report or when timing and urgency matters to stop abusers/predators from hurting more people. But when your desire to see order and balance happen isn't happening the way it should, God is working things out in the midst of it all. 

For further reading: My Closure Journey From A Toxic Predator

How I Forgave The "Undeserving" 

Things I Learned From A Narcissistic, Sexual Predator

Why I Support Victims More Than Seeing Justice

How I Forgave The "Undeserving"

So, this is a follow up to a previous post on how I found closure from a sexual predator and it wasn't an easy journey at all because of all that he's done without any remorse and he's gotten away from consequences, but what I can say is through my experience in this, it has really shaped me and helped me come out stronger. 

What used to be consuming bitterness and intense rage is now a transformation of peace and contentment in my heart humming a quiet melody and a joyful tune in my spirit. 

I don't say this to brag or boast but to share how God helped me to move forward in freedom and forgiveness. But first, I wanted to address some things....

If you're finding it challenging and difficult to forgive anybody for their mistreatment or offense, I can relate. I don't think anyone can say they've never had to forgive someone for a wrongdoing. 

It's so easy to harbor unforgiveness and a bitter spirit towards people who've wronged us or hurt us without any remorse. Especially when they're living a decent life while we suffer deep wounds that takes time to heal. 

As a Christian, it's really hard to show them love and mercy as they continue with their lives unrepentant and escaping consequences. And in our bitterness, we try to justify our unwillingness to forgive and holding a grudge towards the "undeserving". 

I don't know what you consider to be undeserving, but what comes to my mind when I think of it are rapists, child molesters, abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists. But I can't think of anyone worse than a sexual predator who's fully aware of their actions and uses the Bible and "spirituality" to prey on the vulnerable. 

This predator that I speak of has done terrible things to vulnerable underage girls and adult women, and sexually assaulted/raped one of them (that I know of). He's preyed on females who were sexually abused as children, have trauma and insecurities, chronic illnesses, anything that makes a person an easy target for grooming and abuse. All under the guise of "Christianity". 

I was one of his targets that he hurt and was consumed by rage towards him. The bitterness and hatred ate me alive for nearly two or three years and it felt impossible to forgive him because I wasn't seeing justice. And what made it more challenging was hearing people dismiss and minimize his actions by saying "he didn't know any better" "he can't help it" "this boy has obviously been hurt hence why he's hurting others, have mercy on him." 

Unfortunately, there are many people who say flippant things like that because they lack wisdom and discernment. While it's true this predator boy (he's not a man) has been hurt in the past, in no way does it minimize his actions and diminish accountability. If people can't understand this, then it would be best for them to keep quiet. 

"When a fool speaks, he is ruining himself; he gets caught in the trap of his own words."-Proverbs 18:7 

However, in many cases of predation or people being cruel to others, it is tied to them having a broken past and not being healed from that. For instance, that predator from my situation was abandoned by his biological dad when he was a baby, and his stepdad molested him in elementary but even after he summoned the courage at 8 or 9 years old, to tell a school counselor what happened and got his stepdad in jail, he unfortunately chose to become a ruthless, sexual predator following in the footsteps of his biological father who is incarcerated for raping and murdering a teenage girl, and his stepdad by preying on children, teens, and adults despite knowing the horrific things they've done that his biological mom told him. 

But despite seeing a therapist, having a loving and nurturing mother, and a foster family who loved him and supported him for a portion of his teenage years after his mom suffered a back injury and a nervous breakdown, and even kept him after he aged out of the system, he still chose to become an abuser. 

He's even admitted that his past doesn't excuse his sadistic behavior, pedophilia, and predatory abuse and instead wants to help broken people and grow with them because he's a "child of God" or was "purged from sin by God" yet consistently carried out his abuse with more clever and disguised methods to improve his craft of deception. And gave a sob story each time to justify his actions when called out. 

"Everybody has a sob story, but that doesn't give anyone a right to be a bully."-Samantha Larusso

People like him *know* what they're doing is wrong, otherwise, why would they try to hide it and use shame and scare tactics to keep their victims quiet if they "didn't know it was wrong?" 

It doesn't matter if they were groomed or conditioned at an early age by an abuser, they could stop if they really wanted to, but many of them don't want to. They're too weak and afraid to get help and healing and because they can't hurt their abuser, they take it out on the vulnerable. 

Not everyone who's been abused becomes an abuser, I'm a part of a sexual abuse support group where I help support male and female survivors and they're doing their best to find joy and healing despite their upbringing and constant flashbacks or nightmares. And they try to support one another. 

Some of their stories are absolutely heartbreaking but they are brave warriors and inspire me. It goes to show that people *do* in fact have a choice on how to live their lives regardless of what's happened to them that they didn't choose. 

"Sometimes, it’s the people who have been hurt the most who refuse to be hardened in this world, because they would never want to make another person feel the same way they have felt. If that isn’t something to be in awe of, I don’t know what is."-Bianca Sparacino 

"I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that"-Robin Williams

This is why I had such a difficult time forgiving him. That combined with a lack of justice for his victims made it extremely challenging. It seemed so unfair that he got justice from his stepdad but his victims didn't get justice from him. 

But although justice serves a purpose, it doesn't fully heal the wound. Many victims of child sex abuse or sexual assault/rape still deal with deep scars from the wounds their perpetrator gave them, even if or after they're behind bars. Their wounds continue to linger throughout their lives and in worse cases, they go from victim to being a perpetrator. 

Once again, past wrongs/abuse doesn't justify, excuse, or minimize evil behavior. No matter their background, they are conscious of choosing between right and wrong. Selfishness wears a mask called blame and that's exactly what they're doing. 

People like that will never feel true remorse and want to change unless something extremely drastic happens to them or they get handed over to the authorities (Ephesians 6:12, 1 Corinthians 5:5). 

They'll never change on their own even with extensive psychological help. They delight in their sickness and evil. Abusers, especially sexual predators, are *always* willing to reoffend even when they're in prison. Once they're released on "good behavior" they go on to seek more victims. 

They *know* how sick and twisted they are, have accepted it, and are enjoying it. It gives them dominance and control. Their cruelty is their weapon to unleash those and get high off of it.  

If you're still reading, thank you lol! It was important for me to address what appears to be ignorance and misunderstanding regarding abusive perpetrators because so many are clueless on how to respond to help victims and dismissively reduce cruel behavior even if they don't mean to. 

It's crucial to be informed to love and support victims without minimizing wrongdoing. And understand perpetrators to gain awareness to protect others. There is nothing worse or more shameful than using God's name as a cover to prey on the vulnerable and gratify their sexual appetites and urge for power/dominance. 

In my journey of forgiving the predator, it required a lot of meditating and dwelling on the good things in life. Renewing my mind through Scripture, playing worship music, and meditating on the gospel, rehearsing that over and over consistently. Forgiveness isn't an overnight process. 

Forgiving someone who mistreated you and isn't sorry can make it seem like you're letting them off the hook and giving them more power, but actually it does the opposite! It frees you from holding onto a grudge which is keeping you in bondage to bitterness and hatred. Unforgiveness makes you feel more powerful than your offender, but in reality, it's making you weaker and the longer you stay there, the stronger it gets and consumes you. 

While it's tempting to wish the person harm as "payback" for the hurt they've caused, understand that it does more damage to your soul and well-being when you refuse to extend forgiveness. The parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35 is a good example of what happens when you refuse to forgive someone. 

Forgiveness does NOT make what they did acceptable or minimize their actions, instead, it liberates you from being enslaved to that person and harboring destructive negativity that accomplishes nothing except more stress, misery, and delayed healing. Why do you want that? 

Rather than waste your time and energy on something or someone you can't change, use it to help others going through similar issues and find freedom and healing. It is possible!

Forgiveness is more for you than the other person. That person I assure you does not care in the slightest over what they did. And most likely they never will, and that's their choice. But you get to decide on whether you're going to end up like them and seek pleasure from hurting people or "retribution" or be healed and move forward. I know it's not easy! 

You may not believe that God genuinely cares otherwise He wouldn't have allowed this person to escape freely while you're hurt. I understand that. 

If you're thinking about renouncing your faith, I strongly encourage you to take a break from Christianity and church. Use that time to really explore why you believe what you believe in, pursue hobbies, find new interests, take classes, study different religions/beliefs, join a book club, exercise more, volunteer, etc. 

Don't let bitterness and anger at injustice consume you and cause you to lose sight of joy. That was my mistake and I paid for it dearly. 

It might be a challenge if you're the type who obsesses and ruminates about events out of your control, in my case it was lack of justice and evidence of a sovereign Creator doing anything about it while the predator appeared to be rewarded and let go freely. 

If you struggle with "letting go" of situations that aren't ideal or going your way, there could be a deeper issue you need to address with help from a therapist, your pastor, or a close friend. There are ways you can prevent rumination from overpowering you so you can live freely. Here are two articles with tips on how to cope with obsessive thinking tied to control and fear of powerlessness. 

https://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/stress/how-to-stop-ruminating

https://www.verywellmind.com/rumination-why-do-people-obsess-over-things-3144571

You may say, "Yeah, but you don't understand the wound or the injustice of it all!" I may not, but God does. He sees all and knows all, and He won't be mocked. People reap what they sow in due time. (Galatians 6:7-8, Proverbs 22:8) That's a fact. It may not seem like it now, but I promise you they will not get off very easily. This isn't saying that you should rejoice at their downfall, however. No! That would be a grave mistake. (Proverbs 24:17-18) 

That is putting yourself in bondage to that person where your happiness is anchored to the effects of their consequences. As a true child of God, your happiness comes from Jesus Christ alone. He is your everlasting well of joy, peace, assurance, and security. You can trust Him to take care of it and deal with that person. Our job as Christians is to forgive those who wronged us, like God commands us to because He's forgiven us for our transgressions against Him. 

We're called to live our lives set apart to demonstrate that love and forgiveness He's given us so we could extend that to others-in order that they would come to know God and have a relationship with Him. God is merciful (Psalm 103, Ephesians 2:4-5, Exodus 34:6-7) but He doesn't take injustice lightly either. (Romans 12:19-21, 2 Thessalonians 1:6, Colossians 3:25)

The best way to overcome a bitter and hateful spirit is to pray for that person. Pray for their salvation, pray that their eyes would be opened to the truth of the gospel, pray for yourself as well, that He would give you His strength through His grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) to genuinely forgive the person without wishing them harm. Even if you have to do so with anger in your heart towards that person. 

It's okay to be angry at injustice and suffering as long as it's not consuming you. (Ephesians 4:26-27) Pray for healing and restoration for you and anyone hurt by that person. This will NOT guarantee your offender will come to Christ. 

They have a choice to either repent and accept His Lordship in their lives, or reject Him and continue their depravity. Though it seems like God is allowing the wicked to succeed, they're actually storing up for themselves God's wrath on judgement day. 

"But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed" -Romans 2:25

Those people will get what they deserve. Jesus died for them just like He died for you, their sin nailed Him to the cross, just like yours did. Same applies to everyone else. Sin is sin, God hates it all. He does NOT bless sin. It's against His nature. (Proverbs 24:20, Romans 8:7-9, Psalm 1) Remember, God has given people free will. You cannot blame God for evil that He didn't cause. He's not sitting idly by oblivious to wrongdoings and suffering. 

Whatever they did to you or anyone else was more against God since we're all made in His image so in reality, their offense they've committed no matter how grievous it was is actually more against Him. (Leviticus 6:2) 

When Jesus died on that cross, His final words were, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." So in some sense, people who commit wicked deeds, are manipulative gaslighters, sexual groomers, etc know that they're being dishonest and are harming others because remember, they wouldn't try to cover it up so much if they didn't. 

However, they don't know that what they're doing carries significant consequences and without repentance an eternity in hell separated from God which is more punishable than death itself. Just like the people who crucified Jesus didn't realize who they were actually crucifying. But Jesus still chose forgiveness when none of it was deserved. 

That doesn't mean God will ignore injustice, because He is righteous judge and He will not let the wicked go unpunished. (Proverbs 11:21) 

Let God deal with that person, He can pay them back, or deal with them way better than you or anyone else ever could. Trust Him to do it. He knows whether they'll truly repent and turn to Him or be turned over to their reprobate mind.

If you're using "well, I don't want this person to receive God's salvation because then God will continue to absolve them from consequences and bless them because His grace covers all sin." As an excuse to not pray for their soul, understand that is a wrong attitude to have along with a misguided understanding or ignorance of Scriptures. 

NOBODY gets away with anything. Yes, when a person repents and accepts Jesus, their sin is wiped away and their eternity is with God, but their consequences won't be erased on Earth. They'll have to live with them however that looks like. 

The Apostle Paul murdered countless Christians before he converted. He had to deal with that for the rest of his life and wasn't welcomed or accepted by many because of his reputation. He also had to deal with consequences from disobeying the Holy Spirit at one time, and was persecuted, imprisoned, and beaten for his faith but died for the gospel and met his King and Savior in the end. 

There's also judgement day where everyone will have to give an account for their lives on Earth and be repaid accordingly. Justice will be delivered in the end whether that's paid for on the cross or banished in hell separated from God for all eternity. (2 Corinthians 5:10, Revelation 20:11–15)

God has your best interests at heart and will not let your pain go to waste. He will use it to grow you and enable you to help others with the knowledge and wisdom you've gained, and become stronger. Don't let someone's misery and hatred cause you to be at their level. Rise above that by becoming the complete opposite! With God, you truly can and it will be evident by how you live. 

In a weird way, I'm thankful to have experienced the pain (not the abuse) because it's really opened my eyes to things about God's Word that I never considered or knew about. 

I mean, it's so easy to take it for granted or dismiss questions people in the Bible had when they weren't seeing justice because I didn't experience it for myself. But now that I have, it's enabled me to sit alongside people who've been through this and build community and strengthen bonds. There really is beauty from ashes when we allow transformation to take place. 

It is only by His supernatural grace that I could forgive him and I rejoice in my God and Savior for delivering me from that bondage. I knew that my bitterness and hurt was growing bigger than something I could control or get rid of myself, which is why only God could have delivered me from it. I felt free and clean inside again. 

Those old feelings don’t rise up inside me anymore. The freedom and joy I have now is incredible and the more I continue to walk in it, the more it'll naturally flow within me and be evident on the surface. 

The more I prayed for this person, the more I experienced healing and freedom. And joy and assurance that God's working things out. I've written a closure letter to the predator you can read here, which played a part in helping me move forward. 

It served as a great outlet and burned away some of my negativity towards him. You may never get closure from the person who hurt you, but your worth and value isn't contingent upon receiving acknowledgement or an apology. You're worth more than that. 

That person you hate needs Jesus just as much as everybody else. Frankly, none of us are "deserving" of His grace and mercy. It's a very humbling statement and the more you meditate on these things, the more freedom you will find because it changes not only your perspective, but also your heart. 

When you have a true relationship with Jesus, you will no longer be slaves to bitterness and anger. You may still hurt but it's okay to be. Healing is a process that takes time. In some cases, it's a lifelong journey. But praise God this world we live in isn't our true home. 

Our true home is heaven on the new Earth where everything will be made new, all sin and pain will be erased, and we'll be given new bodies free from suffering. Until then, let's continue to walk together living our lives with abundant joy and forgiveness in our hearts. Helping one person at a time, one day at a time. 

When you hear about that person or think about them and don't wish them harm, you'll know that you're free. And it's a huge blessing. 

Here are some additional resources if needed to help you heal and move forward. 

My Closure Journey From A Toxic Predator

Becoming Stronger

Living Life To The Full

Don't Get Even By Becoming A Jerk

Releasing Forgiveness

Unforgiveness

There's No Need To Seek Revenge

The Root of Bitterness

People's Wrongdoings Never Validate Ours

Loving The "Unlovable"

Pray For Your Enemies

Who Are My Enemies?

The Enemies We Wrestle With

Bless Your Enemies

How Your Enemies Can Actually Bless and Humble You

I Will Never Forgive Them For What They Did-Never!

Showing Mercy To Those Who Don't Deserve It

How To Treat Our Enemies When They're Undeserving 

Moving Forward

Moving On

Identity in Christ + Armor of God

Be A Warrior Woman, Not A Wounded One

Showing Mercy To Those Who Don't "Deserve It"

Written by Charles Stanley 

No matter how terrible the acts committed against us were, God requires that we show mercy. For our good and His glory, He wants us to give up the “right” to punish those who hurt us.

Ephesians 4:30-32, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

When I tell people who have been ill-treated that full healing requires forgiving their abuser, many will argue, “You don’t understand the hurt I’ve endured.” They’re right. But a bitter spirit, like cancer, penetrates every part of our life. Anger and resentment are symptoms that cannot be pushed away and ignored. They spill out, harming relationships and leading to risky decisions.

Withholding forgiveness may feel as if we’re punishing the offender. But people cannot take revenge on one another without destroying themselves. That’s why the Lord calls us to follow His example of extending grace to all (Eph. 4:32). Since God has pardoned us so generously, we shouldn’t withhold forgiveness from others. When someone hurts us, we may feel that person doesn’t deserve pardon, but neither are we deserving of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

Crucifixion was slow and agonizing, but Jesus’ worst torment occurred when the sin of the world was laid on Him and His Father turned away (Matt. 27:46). Still, as the crowd cast lots for His garments, Jesus gave us the best possible example of forgiveness by saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). I may not know your pain, but I assure you that Jesus does. With His infinite love and gentleness, He’ll help you overcome hurt, anger, and bitterness.

Forgiveness is a choice—an act of service to the Lord, a witness to the person who inflicted our pain, and a necessary step in our healing. No matter how terrible the acts committed against us were, God requires that we show mercy. For our good and His glory, He wants us to give up the “right” to punish those who hurt us.

Just Because Someone Was A Jerk, Doesn't Mean You Have To Be

Here's a post I read that my friend re shared from someone on her timeline. (Words in red mine)

"Happy people don’t go around intentionally making others miserable. They just don’t. They don’t tear down, or pick fights, or create drama where there is none to be made. They don’t wish bad on others, or belittle. I used to think it was my job to “win” with people who’d been rude. I 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 respond to negative comments, and I 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 try to change people’s minds, and then one day I thought “what the hell am I doing? I’m doing exactly what they want. This isn’t revenge. This is me falling into their trap. Shame on me.” 

I don’t try to get back at people anymore. It’s such a waste—of my time, of my energy, of my thoughts. Nah...you can go ahead. I can’t control you. I’m just going to be over here drinking my healthy, mood boosting coffee living my life for me if you need me.

I’m gonna choose grace. I'm gonna chase gratitude. I’m gonna bring joy to the table. I’m gonna reach for hope. I’m gonna run with faith. I’m gonna guard my heart, and I’m gonna protect my peace. I’m gonna dream, I’m gonna do good, and I’m gonna be kind. I’m gonna encourage, and I’m gonna uplift others and I can’t do that if I get down on their level. 

I’m gonna do what God’s asked me to do, and I’m gonna keep my thoughts on Him, which is exactly where they belong. 

I hope you’ll follow suit and let it go, cause there is absolutely no happiness to be found in anger, bitterness, jealousy, and hate. None. 

Maybe they don’t deserve it, but YOU do. Life is so short, and it’s so easy to waste it dwelling on BS. Spread light, and if other people don’t like it, get so loud you can’t hear them anymore. 

Honestly, The best thing you can do is to pray for them. They must be going through something to be in such a negative place. So you can either extend hurt, or you can extend mercy, but you can’t do both. Please don’t jump in the ring and continue the cycle of negativity. Don’t play the game. Don’t do that to your own heart. Don’t do that to the others. There’s no glory there, and I know that’s not who you are."

#breakthecycle

Here's a picture from a page that I follow which I thought goes nicely with this. 

"Jesus separated Himself from the Father by going to the cross and suffering so you wouldn't have to."

Just because you were hurt or abused by somebody, doesn't justify your seeking revenge on others or becoming a jerk/abuser

Having Boundaries

That’s why it’s always important to set boundaries. Toxic people will drain you and poison you the longer you hang around them or interact with them. Toxic people (especially narcissists and sociopaths) always push boundaries and never care about anyone but themselves. As long as they feel dominant (through abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, excessive lying, etc), have their selfish needs met, and their ego stroked they will not respect you or your boundaries. In fact, the more you initiate or engage with them, the more poisonous they become for you. And the more you interact, the more they learn your weaknesses and exploit that. 

It feeds their satisfaction in feeling larger than you and seeing you fall prey to their mind games and control as they watch you in misery or conflict. I had a rather unpleasant experience with someone like that and the thrill it gave him as he watched and was entertained by my mind consumed with boiling hatred and personal attacks towards him. As he planted seeds in me and watched it grow and fester. Which I allowed until I finally walked away.

Protect your mental health by refusing to give toxic people access into your life. Let them have the final say. Let them feel like they’re the ones “winning”. You can’t change them. They won’t unless serious consequences befall them but even if they don’t after that, they’ll pay for it in hell.

Vengeance is Mine, and recompense;

Their foot shall slip in due time;

For the day of their calamity is at hand,

And the things to come hasten upon them.-Deuteronomy 32:35

Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.-Romans 12:17-19

My Closure Journey From A Toxic Predator

*This post mentions sensitive topics like SA and sexual abuse that could be triggering or upsetting. Please read at your own risk.

Two years ago, I met a sexual predator who pretended to be a Christian. He appeared charming, friendly, easygoing, funny, and laidback. And he seemed on fire for God and evangelism. Once he had me at hello, we talked about anime, songs, books, cartoons from the 90s, etc. He was interested in my background and faith history and suggested we keep each other accountable through bible study and prayer. This guy seemed legit and so we spent time discussing the Bible in depth from a scientific and historical view. The more we talked, the more I saw him as a genuinely good Christian and friend.

It didn’t take him long to share some of his past of being toxic towards girls, saying he was very destructive and repentant for hurting them, one girl in particular being underage. He sounded very remorseful and sincere. So I comforted him and he thanked me for not being ugly like his previous ex girlfriend was to him for opening up his past. He’s targeted and groomed females in church and online. Disguising himself as a “mentor” to prey on and hurt girls. Specifically targeting those who’ve been sexually abused, have trauma, insecurities, chronic illnesses, etc. Once he learned my weaknesses and desires, he exploited that very discreetly. Using subtle, psychological tactics to manipulate and hurt me.

As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I wrestled with comparing myself to other women, and was very insecure in my faith and wondered if I would be single my whole life. He planted a seed of lies and illusions that I fell right into and watched it bloom inside me with a vicious smile and cruel laughter. He had a way of making me feel inferior and told me I wasn’t good enough to date or marry and wouldn’t be unless I reached this level of spiritual maturity in my faith. It happened insidiously. He acted like God really confirmed his prayers about the two of us being a couple with confirmational answers to prayers he’s recorded, while I was vulnerable, weak, and disoriented. I remember talking to an older woman who told me these were signs of narcissistic abuse and told me to leave ASAP. Instead, I got defensive and angry. I told her he wasn’t like that at all. And that he and I prayed about it together and we were sure it was in God’s will. She told me she had been married to someone like that for 15 or so years and recognized the signs. Whenever I shared my uncertainties about us with him, he would always reassure me and say I was overthinking it. And he would cheer me up each time. As my relationship with him continued, it became harder to see clearly.

When I told him I needed space he would get very upset and manipulate me. And it worked. Until one day I told him it was too much and he apologized for being too pushy while saying he prayed and felt God telling him he needed to respect my boundaries. After he toned down, we resumed our relationship and took things more slow. We spent more time together and would talk for hours, and it all felt so genuine. I became more hooked and fell deeper into his web of deception and calculated measures to keep me in his grasp at all costs. He told me stories about how a couple of his exes mistreated him and caused an intense dislike in me towards them.

After developing insomnia from my work schedule, I spent lesser time with him and more on myself, and the more time I spent alone praying and reading my Bible, the more clear it became to me that he was very unhealthy due to how clingy he was and wasn’t putting much effort into truly becoming a man after God. So I dumped him very graciously on Christmas and blocked his number and social media. I felt a huge relief flood over me and resumed with my life. As I was telling my friend about the breakup, I couldn’t stop thinking about his ex girlfriends and wondered how much of his stories were true since something about it bothered me deep down.

I reached out to one of the girls who knew him and she shared his track record of repetitive lying, manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation, and abuse towards girls. Most of them were underage while a couple of his targets were in their 20s. A lot of the abuse detailed were sexual and emotional, and he used the “repentance and sorrow” card to get away with it. Changing tactics to best serve him and get craftier. I then talked to other girls involved and they shared screenshots and testimonials of his patterns. One was sexually assaulted/raped by him and going through therapy to process and heal. You might imagine the shock and disgust I felt as I heard more details. I was appalled at the injustice these girls suffered from while they were vulnerable.

I wish I could say that I was Christlike and prayed for his soul while keeping distance, but I wasn’t. Enraged, I contacted him screaming, cursing, and telling him off. Determined to “fix” him and let him have it. I had so much untameable rage in me. With so much to say that rational thinking/sensibility went out the window. I was very conflicted by my anger and guilt for not acting like Jesus, I shut down and went into denial afterwards. And started yearning for those “good memories” of him. Thus I made another stupid choice by returning to him and apologizing for my outbursts and wanted to start over. It just gets worse from there and he just laughed at me the whole time and didn’t care.

I questioned why God wasn’t doing anything about the situation. I couldn’t understand why He was letting this predator off the hook and coddling him. Nobody reported him to the police or FBI because they’re too scared or traumatized, thus unwilling to come forward. And I couldn’t do it unless I was physically or sexually assaulted. Meanwhile, people especially Christians, were dismissive of the situation and minimized his actions while being “preachy” and diminishing accountability by telling me to shut up and heal, focusing more on my faults, and told me to have mercy and be kind to him because “he didn’t know better” and hurt people because he was hurt too, etc. Which frankly did nothing except make me more bitter, antagonistic, and distant from church and God.

I became so obsessed with seeing justice, it became a vendetta, and I was incapable of listening to reason as bitterness and frustration took over. I ended up hurting some friends with my anger or dismissed their problems since I was consumed by the need for justice and greatly annoyed by flippant responses or attitudes towards that. I single-mindedly tried to make justice happen myself since I’m the type of person, whenever I want to see something through and can’t fathom why it’s not happening like it should, it bothers me to no end and I desperately want answers. And if I can’t get any, I’ll try to find one. And give it 110 percent until I see it happen. I felt so isolated in that and questioned my beliefs about God and the Bible to where I began to consider different beliefs and religions, or none at all.

Eventually, I’ve begun to find some closure in very small steps. I never thought I would begin to heal until I saw justice take place. It’s still frustrating but there’s plenty of people like him living comfortable lives and escaping freely. To help the process better, I’ve begun journaling and talking it out with wiser and considerate people to challenge my thinking. I’ve also created a Spotify playlist called “Exes and Losers” and I like to play it sometimes when I’m in the kitchen, cleaning, or reminded of him. I’ve been trying to find other things to distract me and I’ve started helping and advocating for people who’ve experienced narcissistic and sociopathic predators. 

I’ve also written a closure letter to him which you can read here, that he will never see or read and couldn’t care less for. Moral and rational words won’t affect his kind unless it’s to serve their twisted and sick aim. It didn’t matter how much love, patience, grace, or kindness I showed him. Or how much I “reprimanded” him. They just gave him more leverage to dominate over me. And I was the one who needed to heal in the end.

While my closure journey isn’t perfect by any means, I’m making progress one step at a time. I still have shame and guilt to overcome. If you’re needing to find closure, do whatever it is you need to do to get it. Whether that’s seeing a therapist, writing a closure letter like the one above and burning it, taking an extended break from church or Christianity, joining a support group, whatever it is, you have my full support. You won’t get judgment, criticism, or invalidation from me. I have some resources that also may help your journey…..

Holly Ramsay Podcast

When Bitterness Or Vengeance Consumes You

How To Heal When There’s No Justice

Choosing Joy Over Revenge

How To Move On And Find Closure

Finding Love And Self-Acceptance After Trauma

How I Forgave The Undeserving

Another important thing to remember is no matter how long it takes to heal on this journey, healing is not linear. A wise friend shared an analogy with me of a diamond recently. She said some of the facets were crisp and clean, others cloudy. It takes time to gently clean each area affected by the hurt. You learn that there’s various angles to look at the problem from, therefore revealing yet another facet needing to be cleaned. It takes time! It’s a process that occurs in stages. Some days are better than others and that’s okay. It’s not a competition, it’s a journey.

Dr. Caroline Leaf said, “Your trauma is not your identity, and your coping mechanism is not your identity.” You are allowed to feel angry or hurt. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions but be careful not to stay there for too long. When you mess up, give yourself grace and try again. Don’t let failure be a measurement of your progress or identity.

“Sometimes we stumble and fall, it doesn’t mean we are failures, it simply means we are moving forward.”-Gift Gugu Mona

“I do not believe in failure but varying degrees of success. I also believe that success is all about doing your very best. Imagine what you would accomplish if you knew what you were going to achieve. This is how you approach life’s challenges!”-Terri Irwin

“You are always a student, never a master. You have to keep moving forward.”-Conrad Hall

“Move forward with purpose.”-Sherrilyn Kenyon

“Those who move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out.”-Gordon B. Hinkley

“Faith is moving forward even when things don’t make sense, trusting that in hindsight everything will become clear.”-Mandy Hale

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.”-Anonymous.

“When you bring peace to your past, you can move forward to your future.”-Anonymous

“You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward. Just take the next step.”-Anonymous

“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”-Philippians 3:12-14

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”-Romans 8:28

***If you’ve been sexually assaulted or sexually abused by a predator, it is imperative that you report to the police, even if nothing happens at least try to get them on record. Doing nothing will only result in more victims. The longer you delay, the harder it will be to prosecute them and lock them away from society to protect others. Please do so if you can while you have time. It is stupid and naive to think they’ll just stop. They won’t. They only get worse as time goes on. To them, abusing people is like a drug they get high off of. Please understand that it is NOT your fault. You did absolutely nothing to deserve their heinous crime. It is completely on them. They know it’s wrong and they don’t care. No amount of therapy, love, grace, rehab, or vengeance will make them feel sorry or want to change. The best thing to do is have them turned in so they aren’t a menace to society. The time to speak is now. Don’t let them get away. Go do the right thing.***

If you’re stuck and need confidential support or resources, visit https://www.rainn.org/ or call 800.656.4673 HOPE available 24/7

If it’s already too late to prosecute them, you can still file a report to have them on record. You can check out the FAQ page for guidance on reporting to law enforcement. https://www.rainn.org/articles/reporting-law-enforcement

In the meantime, share your story to help other victims or survivors. Help those who can’t speak for themselves or are too afraid. Let somebody know if it’s a child. There is strength in unity and numbers when voices are being heard. Refuse to stay silent. Help survivors of trauma and abuse find their voice and fight back.

“Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.”-Ann Voskamp

See what other survivors are saying as they bravely tell their stories to support and inspire other survivors/victims. https://www.rainn.org/stories

For further reading: Why I Support Victims More Than Seeing Justice

What I Learned After My Encounter With A Predator

What I Learned Through My Obsession  Seeing Justice and Accountability