When it comes to criticism, something I've learned through experience is when somebody criticizes me, I'll ask myself if it's from somebody I respect and admire. And, the person's intentions. Growing up with very low self-esteem I gave up so easily due to fear of failure and not having a solid identity. I didn't apply myself or ask for help because often I would get yelled at, cause frustration or annoyance, feel degraded, and ashamed. I buried it so far beneath and instead pitied myself and sought comfort and sympathy from others. I've learned the hard way that it stunted me and kept me in a rut. And I didn't always receive responses that pleased me. Some people were flippant and tactless with their truthful statements or advice while others said them out of spite for gossip and laughter.
While I was guilty of wanting attention through my self-pity and pessimism, I also wanted to connect with someone who could relate to my struggles and understand my circumstances that brought about a stunted upbringing. And learned helplessness I developed over the years. I didn't even realize it but it got so normal. Without proper and good guidance, I was stifled instead of nurtured. And it clouded my perception to "find a way out" because I had given up. Felt helpless and hopeless. I resented myself. And it swallowed me whole despite a tiny shout within me to break free somehow. And when I told the wrong people about my problems, I only felt worse and didn't find improvement.
Eventually, I learned that when someone dismisses my problems that I share, it reflects poorly on their ability to listen and provide support. I'm not against blunt honesty or the hard truth. It's very helpful and needed. I respected those who weren't afraid to step on my toes and disregard my feelings in favor of truth. Because they cared deeply about me as a person and respected me enough to know that I could handle it. It made me feel respected. Unlike some people who shared truthful advice or input with me as a release for their anger at something else. Or spoke the truth without love. As one lady told me, "What good is truth without love? It's no different than a lie in my opinion. Much less, unloving." Some people will simply be honest without showing any regard for that person. It's one thing to criticize honestly even if it's rude when done well that affirms and builds up by tearing down strongholds, than to just criticize in the heat of the moment. So now, I always make sure when criticized to consider their intention and whether or not I admire and respect that person and value their words.
In some cases, I take the truth no matter their intent or reason and just use it for my benefit. Depending on what it is. Sometimes you just gotta take the good and discard the rest that's trashy.
Overall, I've come such a long ways despite areas I still need to work on. Such as my confidence issues. But being able to admit my faults and ugly truths on this blog has brought me freedom. As the saying goes, "the truth shall set you free!" As long as I have the right support, wisdom and discernment to handle criticism, and positive reminders of affirmations and Christ's love for me, I'm on my way towards progress and change.
For further reading: Trusting God In Difficult Times
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