Healing And Restoration For The Sexually Broken Girl

So this is actually pretty difficult for me to write because I really don't have any experience with this whatsoever as I'm still a virgin but I hope this will provide at least some help for any girl who's burdened by shame and brokenness from consequences of sexual sin.

So you may be wondering why I'm even bothering to write about this topic, well, I've witnessed a good friend of mine fall into sexual sin and the consequences of that were devastating. She's had oral and vaginal sex with multiple guys including one who was married, and the shame and trauma really impacted her afterwards. So many women I feel like, desperately want that physical closeness + emotional connection that makes them feel loved, valued, and cherished. And there's nothing wrong with that! Provided it's within a healthy marriage unit between husband and wife because that's how God designed for sex to take place. And it is beautiful, holy, and sanctifying. Apart from that brings misery and pain.

Premarital sex or adultery just isn't worth the long haul of heartache and regret as many have reported feelings of numbness, disconnection, and loss of perceived affection. Having sex without a binding commitment will bring mental, emotional, and spiritual heartache and the more people a person sleeps with, the harder it will be for them to overcome the many pain and build healthy relationships. This isn't to say that marriage is the cure for people to release their passionate urges however. There's more to it than that which you can read about in this post Marry Rather Than Burn

Recently me and a friend were talking over the phone for 2 hours just catching up and things like that, and we talked about a classmate who was a Oneness Pentecostal and died in 2014. She had Cystic Fibrosis and was also a closet girl doing all sorts of promiscuity and getting drunk and her boyfriend she was sleeping with broke up with her afterwards. She was devastated and probably ashamed too. Some time later she gave it all to God and felt freedom and healing (if memory serves me correctly) and her CF went away! Everybody including the doctors were amazed and didn't see a trace of it on the scans. But her liver was damaged from all the drugs she was taking for her disease and passed away later at just 21.

It was sad that she died so young. In the end, she was just trying to live like it was her last hence why she did some crazy and stupid stuff back there because she understood her mortality. To some extent, I can understand her reasons and I don't place condemnation on her or anyone else who's done similar or the same.

If there's one message I want to get across to women out there who are dealing with this, know that you are loved and your brokenness doesn't define your worth and value as a whole. You might not believe that. But even though you don't believe it, there is hope for you. If God can restore and heal the girl with CF, the adulterous woman (John 8:1-11) and the unnamed woman who most likely was a harlot (Luke 7:37) in the Bible for all their sins, where they felt whole, loved, and forgiven, He'll also do the same for you. Question is, do you receive it and believe He will? If not, examine the "why". If you're struggling to find the cause or don't know where to begin, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal it to you and surrender it to Him. It won't be easy. It'll be painful as you dig deep to see what's hidden brought to light. But He really does want to help you and He will!

Some Scriptures that may speak to you if you need it...

"Who is there to condemn us? For Christ Jesus, who died, and more than that was raised to life, is at the right hand of God--and He is interceding for us."-Romans 8:34

"Even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and He knows all things. Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God, and we will receive from Him whatever we ask, because we keep His commandments and do what is pleasing in His sight."-1 John 3:20-21

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord"-Romans 8:38-39

Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]. Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 AMP

"I sought the Lord [on the authority of His word], and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant; Their faces will never blush in shame or confusion. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him And saved him from all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him [with awe-inspired reverence and worship Him with obedience], And He rescues [each of] them. O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good; How blessed [fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God] is the man who takes refuge in Him. O [reverently] fear the Lord, you His saints (believers, holy ones); For to those who fear Him there is no want. The young lions lack [food] and grow hungry, But they who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing."-Psalms 34:4‭-‬10 AMP

For more recommended articles

Making All Things New For The Sexually Broken

Fixing Sexual Brokenness

The Idol of Marriage

 

I once heard that it’s every girl’s dream to get married someday. To have a doting husband, start a family, and live happily ever after like how Disney movies or fairy tale books portray it. So many girls fantasize about their perfect, dream wedding and the exchangement of vows followed by a passionate, heartfelt kiss sending sparks flying into the night. Girls are basically programmed to just love being in love. I see it a lot when they’re gushing over their crushes or boyfriends saying, “awww” in unison, which I can’t help but cringe at because it’s like nails on a chalkboard for me. It’s the same when a cheesy love scene between two actors appear on screen, the reaction from them doesn’t fail.

There’s nothing wrong with being in love. Love is great. Love is wonderful. But what is it that makes women so attracted to love in the first place? Is it compliments from guys telling her she’s beautiful, even on her worst days? Soppy love scenes from chick flick movies? Mushy and lame sweet talk from guys calling them, “baby” “honey” or “angel”?

Many single women jump at every chance to date a guy and the very next day, they’re already planning their wedding and future with him in their minds. Leaving them quite vulnerable to the players and losers taking advantage of her emotions for their personal gratification. Some women don’t even consider the prospect most of the time and end up falling into the same trap again and again.

Our society has this terribly shallow view that if you’re not married in a certain time frame, something is horribly wrong with you or you’re secretly in love with the same sex. Which puts a lot of pressure to find the right mate. I think it especially rings true for women whose female friends and younger sisters are tying the knot and settling down while they’re still a bachelorette past the age of 25. Most of us get bitter and upset with God for not giving us our heart’s desire and give up altogether.

The problem is that marriage gets placed on a pedestal above God. It’s worshiped as an idol. It’s perfectly ok to want a Godly husband whose heart is completely devoted to God and a tidy, decorated home to look after, but is our desire for those bigger than our desire for God?

You see, a lot of us assume that we’ll get what we want based on one of the most misconstrued Bible verses, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”-Psalm 37:4

This is not implying that if we study our Bibles, pray, attend church on Sunday, give our possessions to the needy, serve others, dress modestly, and don’t curse, then God will suddenly give us a handsome, Godly man out of nowhere as a token of His appreciation. That’s not how it works. God isn’t going to be manipulated by our trying efforts.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t do those things, because we ought to be loving the Lord and serving Him regardless if we’re married or single, since God doesn’t guarantee giving you a husband.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul is saying that unmarried people, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, can focus more on solely devoting themselves to the Lord, since they have more freedom to focus on seeking the kingdom and ministering to others. It makes sense after all because married people have a spouse to look after with possible children to care for as well. Paul explains that singleness is an incredible and wonderful privilege to serve God with undivided attention. In other words, he’s telling singles it’s a PERFECT opportunity to get busy winning lost souls. Not a curse to be “forever alone.”

Married couples play a part in the kingdom as well. Marriage is a beautiful representation of the union between Christ and His church. When both spouses come together under Christ’s lordship, they further His kingdom with individual purposes to create a greater mission of advancing the gospel.

Marriage doesn’t exist solely to make you happy or feel whole. Ask any married couple out there and they will tell you it’s not all fun and games. It’s hard work. Healthy and strong marriages don’t build overnight. It’s something you grow into through a continual process of sacrifice, commitment, and sanctification. It’s a team effort resulting in putting one before the other (Philippians 2:3) and aligning their marriage to God’s purpose. If you marry with a mindset of “me before you” the result will be an unhappy marriage and your happily ever after turns into your worst nightmare. Marriage is a ministry designed to share Christ, where a man and a woman find purpose in uniting together to be stronger in carrying that mission out. Selfishness and pride will wreck the ministry before it even starts.

I think the most important question to consider is, “Why do I want to get married in the first place?” “Is it to make me feel good about myself?” “Is it so I can blend in with all my friends who are getting married?”

I can remember my high school years where some of the girls gave me weird looks because I didn’t date anyone. I’ve never had a boyfriend. Some of them even thought I was a psycho because I wasn’t as interested in dating or marriage like they desperately were. So part of me felt like I was abnormal. As I got older, I started to crave marriage, being a homemaker, and raising kids because I thought it would make me feel more fulfilled. I didn’t want to be left out.

Ladies, your ultimate identity isn’t found in a ring and a paper. It is found in Jesus Christ alone. You don’t NEED a man in your life to complete you. Jesus did that for you on the cross. Your singleness can portray the gospel very powerfully when you choose to let Christ be your all.

You can still go on dates and pursue marriage. Just let go of this idolizing obsession with marriage and remember why you’re wanting to marry in the first place. In the meantime, keep yourself busy with serving and witnessing to your friends, neighbors, families, and strangers. Living each day with the intent of being holy for the sake of the world and the gospel. Seek God first and in everything you do and He will take care of the rest.