Your Journey Is Valid

Everybody reveals a different facet of themselves when interacting with various people because we're all unique with our own personalities, brains, characteristics, and experiences. That's why some people can speak positively of one person but others remember painful and bitter moments of that same person. 

Just because a lot of people have had positive and fun memories of someone while a few or one person had negative ones does not minimize or dismiss the latter group because their interactions were laced with hurtful or sour wounds by the person even if the majority never went through it with that same person. 

But whether it happened intermittently or all the time, they still played a vital role in shaping who you are today. To the few or one person who felt injustice, know that you are seen and heard and your voice matters. And while it may be a slow process of acknowledgment, forgiveness, and feeling safe in your secret place with God and trusted people to help dismantle and untangle layers of chaos and damage, your journey is your own. Nobody can tell you otherwise. If they do, they're making it about themselves ---> Ex. "That was never my experience." And that doesn't count 

You can redeem and repurpose the fragmented pieces into something greater and miraculous with the resurrected power and grace through Jesus.

God, why aren't you convicting this person?

I used to ponder and ask God, "why aren't you convicting this person of the wrong they committed against me?" Whenever I didn't get an apology or acknowledgement of my feelings being hurt. The older I got, I realized there were many lessons to be learned from them. 

If God had done so right then and there, how would that make me tougher, resilient, and more empathetic to those going through similar? Not just that, how would I learn to extend forgiveness and grace like He's done to me? Everyone's been hurt by somebody whether the words spoken were intentional, unintentional, a projection of vulnerability, a need for power and control with a desire to ruin people's lives because misery loves company. 

While it may feel like or appear God is letting them "off the hook" or invalidates and minimizes pain, He doesn't work on our timetable or operate within human understanding. 

God may have convicted that person and that person chose to ignore it. Or maybe the person isn't ready to face the truth and be held accountable for their actions because they're already in a state of vulnerability such as a physical illness, mental illness, or whatever and couldn't handle feeling "more exposed to harm" and become even more fragile. 

None of this to say makes their unkind remarks, condescending judgements, and tactless words or deeds justified or okay. It's possible to feel empathetic towards someone's struggles or conflict they have within themselves yet still hold them accountable. But accountability can be delayed or never happen in this lifetime if the person suddenly dies. When that happens and you're never given an explanation or apology, it teaches and builds your character. 

Perhaps you're learning to navigate relationships and communication with better wisdom than you used to. Or you're discovering yourself and embracing that unapologetically. I think you learn more through the unspoken and the unseen that's more powerful than an apology and changed behavior.

Projection

When a person reacts strongly in a negative way towards you because of your tastes in movies, music, or interests that have nothing to do with them, it reveals what's inside of that person who reacted not because it's anything to do with you but because of what's inside the person expressing judgmental dislike of your tastes. 

They are projecting whatever strong negative emotion they have buried in themselves and when a different perspective triggers their sense of vulnerability, they react strongly as a self defense mechanism to protect themselves from their fragile vulnerability or ego. That's not necessarily saying they're bullies as they can be genuinely nice to people who share similar values or interests in things and be positive and know how to have fun. 

But when they can't fathom someone who's different and in a sense mirrors who they really are or how they're really feeling beneath the surface, whether subconsciously or not they tend to project their emotions because they struggle to make peace with and articulate their vulnerability. 

There's nothing wrong with expressing opinions bluntly or honestly on movies, fashion, music, and pop culture provided it doesn't belittle, disrespect, or shame that person. There's nothing wrong with being feisty or fierce in personality either. But if they can express themselves that disrespects other preferences or puts people down yet becomes very defensive when another person does it to them, they're not really about celebrating or respecting individual preferences. 

They don't really value or respect honesty or bluntness if they can't accept it even in a constructive way. Such as a person holding them accountable for being unnecessarily tactless with someone's artwork or whatever. If anything, a truly blunt person who values honesty, directness, and unapologetic expression would be like, “hey this person speaks my language. I like that.”  

So the next time they make insensitive or unhelpful "blunt" remarks on the things you like because it's actually a shield for them to express dominance. Say, "Just because you don't like it doesn't change what I like.” Or "You know, that really wasn't a nice thing to say." You don't need their approval or validation for what you like or dislike. If you know who you are and where you're going in life, focus on that and keep going.

Be Gentle and Kind

People who are quick to react or respond critically are often their worst critics themselves even when they don't admit it. Even in positive and outgoing personality temperaments. They can manifest through disapproving stares, sarcastic comments, condescending glares, or saying ,"Wow. That was stupid of you to say or do that." With biting judgment and scathing looks of "you're not accepted or welcome among us" 

Yes, there are times and places to think and hold your tongue before you speak. There are people who don't think or filter their words carefully because they desperately want to fit in realizing too late often through disapproving gazes from others that they shouldn't have spoken. Something that just doesn't make sense to the topic in discussion even if in some sense it was related to that but it just didn't click very well in real time because their brains processed so fast it didn't have time to register until after it's already been said. 

While not everybody will understand or validate them because they're not inside their minds and were raised different, etc. It's helpful to be gentle and patient with these people when trying to teach them how to navigate various social landscapes and develop social awareness. 

The brain is wired by repetition and the more you repeat a thought or idea the stronger the connection between neurons grow forming patterns on how you connect with and shape the world. Those who are so quick to judge negatively and harshly do so because they do it to themselves all the time. It's learned behavior. Their minds are on high alert scanning for something or someone to criticize, especially when something doesn't "belong" in their worldview because it's different or abstract. 

While those who choose gentleness, patience, and kindness have sowed and watered those seeds they planted with TLC which shows through speech and actions. It all starts with tending to the roots to nurture healthy soil.

1 Kings 17:2-6

I was reading 1 Kings 17:2-6 in my devotions today and just wanted to share what I learned. 

God told Elijah to hide in a cave and He would supply nourishment from the ravens and the brook. Elijah obeyed and was provided food by the ravens and water by the brook. Whenever God calls us to do something, He always provides what we need to be nourished, strengthened, and equipped for what God has prepared for us ahead. 

It's easy to overthink the worst case scenario of "what if" this happens, etc when faced with the unknown but God already knows the future and has everything sorted out, our only job is to trust and obey Him and He will take care of the rest as we step out in faith by doing, "taking action". 

James 1:5-8 says if we lack wisdom to ask God who will give it to us liberally without finding fault. But when we ask, we must believe and not doubt which means that once God has given us wisdom, we act on it. We don't overanalyze or overthink it because then we become hesitant and unstable with doubting like being tossed to and fro like the waves. Thus He can't bless us or take us where we need to be. 

Whatever we are facing in life, ask God for wisdom in that area and when He shows us what to do, do it. And He will provide us and guide us in the process.

Singleness Isn't A Curse, Marriage Isn't A Right

I firmly believe singleness is an opportunity to develop yourself more and establish a healthy foundation in God. There are people who've had a head start because they grew up in a wonderful household to help equip them and prepare them for life and marriage. Marriage is bestowed upon as an act of demonstrating selfless love to give to another and in order to have a solid marriage, you have to learn who you are and your identity in Christ. How will you exhibit selfless love to another if you don't even know and love yourself?

There are people unfortunately who lacked those good and necessary tools and the right environment due to trauma and abuse which bred a lot of issues down the road and the process of healing and undoing trauma is not an easy journey. Hence why it takes longer than others. I've been learning a lot through therapy and God's Word but He's been revealing things very slowly as He's growing me from a stunted state. It just takes longer for some people than others as some are late bloomers. If you see marriage as a right, then you are immature and not ready to handle the responsibilities within it. It's a gift that shouldn't be treated lightly.

I believe that while some people have a more difficult and painful journey, as easy as it may be to compare yourself and your journey to another because of how you wish you were wired and had a journey with lesser trials and difficulties like the other person. Just because you had more obstacles and pain doesn't mean you're inferior or less of a person. You are blessed too even if you're not married at a certain age like most people your age. Even if you didn't have opportunities because of setbacks or whatever. While some people's journey may be more linear, you are growing and evolving into becoming who you need to be. Despite lacking and being stunted, as you continue to heal (transform) you gain and appreciate your blessings (including marriage if it happens) more on a personal and deeper level.

For further reading: Learning Through Love 

Love Is

Being 30 and Still Single

What If I'm Over 30 and Still Single?  

Healing and Trauma

Appreciating How God Made You

Delight In God Not Idols

When You're Feeling Too Far Gone From The Lord

Seven years ago, I recall an event where I felt so putrid and filthy because of my sinful nature which was exhibiting itself in ways that caught my attention in a negative way. I felt tremendous shame and guilt over my sins and have tried to "run away" from the Lord in attempt to hide myself. I was certain I was the only one who felt that way. My unbelief, shortcomings, failures, and doubts was so strong and I kept falling back into the same mess I've made thinking I'll never please God. I figured He would label me a "lost cause" and cast me off when my sins felt too much to handle. So I told Him, why does He continue pursuing me? I'll never get back on track.

Well, about seven minutes later, I check my newsfeed and the first thing I saw was, "You are NOT too far gone to get back on track. Remember, God is FOR YOU, not against you!"

"There’s no fear if you know that God loves you regardless. You don’t have to be afraid that you’re going to make a mistake and you’re going to fall off the tightrope of walking that straight and narrow, no. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. The freedom is in knowing that no choice you could ever make, no mistake you could ever make, no bad call you could ever make is going to change His love for you, His commitment to you, His steadfast presence in your life." -Vic Mignogna

Now it can take longer because of festering wounds that have never been addressed, therefore doesn't receive healing. Stunting our maturity. But God can redeem lost time (Joel 2:25), (Deuteronomy 30:3-13). no matter our situations or the people around us, we mustn't focus on those because that's the quickest sidetrack the enemy will throw at us to stunt even more growth.

Jesus gave His redeeming love to you, purchased by His blood on the cross. Your sins have all been wiped away, white as snow. When you came to Him and received Him as your Lord and Savior, you became a child of God! You are redeemed, beloved, adopted, and have the Holy Spirit living inside you to guide you and sanctify you in all truth. You now have the privilege to have an intimate relationship with Him with access to His throne of grace. He will NEVER turn you away because of what you've done.

Satan is the accuser and brings condemnation, but God is rich in mercy, kindness, love, and full of grace and compassion. He is big enough to handle your problems and personal enough to meet you right where you're at, to gently guide you and remind you of who He is and who you are in Jesus Christ. He'll never, ever, ever stop loving you. I pray you truly believe this. That its root will sink deep despite doubts, anxieties, and unbelief. You are His precious child and NOTHING will change that!

Also, don't forget that God LOVES to use stubborn people. Even those who are recalcitrant time and time again. Rebellion isn't always a bad thing, depending on what you're rebelling against. But think of Peter or Paul. Their stubbornness allowed them to share and minister the Gospel. And fight against sin and their flesh. And get this, they were so confident in Christ and their identity in Him that they weren't shaken. They knew the love of God and experienced the free grace given to them, not because they earned it, nobody does for it says we all fall short of God's glory.

But because GOD wanted to because HE IS LOVE AND MERCIFUL. Read John 3:16, Ephesians 2:8-10, and Titus 2:11-14. But that's what enabled Paul and Peter to stand firm in their faith and look at how much impact they've had. King David is no different, the psalms is full of his depressive writings and ups and downs. And he was a man after God's own heart. There is no shame when you fix your eyes on the cross. All hurts, brokenness, sorrow, and shame can be casted upon God and He will mend those for good. "Cast all your cares and anxieties upon God for he cares for you."-1 Peter 5:7

Sometimes our feelings are so strong they cloud our judgement and rational thinking. And when those emotions arise from what our hearts feel that's contrary to what God says, it causes us to do things we in our right minds wouldn't be doing. The heart is deceitful and wicked, we're not even aware of it cuz it's that bad. (Jeremiah 17:9) That's why we can't place them on the throne in our lives, to rule over us. Hence why we must keep them aligned to Scripture.

It's hard and it's a process of continual growing and learning and applying what we know from God's Word to our lives, or rather applying our lives to God's Word. God knew the choice you'd make and know what? He's not saying,"Oh boy, look what you've done now. What am I gonna do with you? You're impossible! I can't and won't redeem you, you've blown it. Shame on you." Nope! Instead He's whispering in His still, small voice, "Hey, it's all going to be alright. My blood has already covered the things you've done and I'm here to stay and help you through this. My grace is sufficient and all you need. Come out of hiding and talk to me. I'll teach you to depend on me as you walk with me each step of the way." That's the kind of Father He is. That's the Almighty God you and I serve.

He's done that when Adam and Eve hid themselves and when He approached Hagar in the desert. And don't forget the unnamed Samaritan woman at the well. And also Mary Magdalene and some other people mentioned in the Bible. Let's also not forget Paul either who PERSECUTED Christians. God hasn't changed since then. If He's willing to do that for even the most offensive sins committed by people, what makes you think He won't do it for you?

David committed adultery, murder, and had many wives. Did God love him any less?

Peter DENIED Jesus 3 times! Yet Jesus still loved him deeply

Paul wasn't a man after God's own heart either from the start. Yet later on he wrote most of the New Testament and died a martyr. If you asked every saint, those who have more maturity in the Gospel, they too started out small and weak as well. As I've said earlier, some bloom faster or slower than others but, there's always room for growth and improvement. Everyone is on a different journey, but the goal is the same: To run the race with endurance. There's no room for comparison because it's not a competition. It's a relational journey to discovering more of God and living for Him. Overtime, fruit will yield as long as you stick with it and not give up the race. :)

Everyone's faith is relatively small. And we each wrestle with degrees of doubting and unbelief. It is God who gives us faith and increases it. Not something we do out of effort so no one can boast. (Romans 12:3). Read the parable of the mustard seed in Matthew 13:31-32. It doesn't grow overnight but when it's growing by being rooted and established in God (Psalm 1; Colossians 2:7; Ephesians 3:14-17) it produces an abundance of leaves, blossoms, and fruit. Another way to look at it is: on a tree, there's fruit and blossoms.

Fruit represents those who've walked with Jesus longer and thus are more mature in their faith. Whereas the blossoms represent baby Christians, those who've started out or not where they should be. Blossoms are beautiful and exciting to look at, they're in the beginning stages of ripening and producing all kinds of fruit. With tender loving care from watering, nurturing, and receiving Sonlight from the Master Gardener, your faith will grow.

It may take time, longer than you'd expect but our Heavenly Father is in no hurry developing fruit in you because God is not bounded by time. A day is like a thousand years to Him. And you've heard of "slow and steady wins the race"? Relationships are like that. They take time to build and with consistent effort, the relationship evolves over time. Time enables us to bloom in our relationship as we wait on God, sing Him praises, read His Word, pray, serve others, and foster fellowship in communities/church, and be poured into by saints with more wisdom and maturity in the LORD.

God wants us to enjoy Him and enjoy being a Christian. Not be legalists to prove ourselves worthy and berate ourselves for falling short. God's already poured out His mercy and His grace onto us, because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19) All we do is come to Him and receive that. Our identities in Christ are received, not achieved. See the difference? That's how we can know we can approach Him at His throne of grace for help, intercession, requests, and thanksgiving without shame or condemnation. Pouring out what's on our minds and hearts, anything and everything no matter how crazy, plain silly, or boring it might sound. God cares about those. He loves you!

If you're feeling like you're too far gone to be used by God, I exhort you to read the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. And see the father's reaction after his son came back home from wandering away and rebellion. See the pure love and joy the father gave him. That love reflects our Heavenly Father. Also, it's okay if you're still doubting and wrestling with anxiety, fear, and unbelief. All of us do. Serious. But just when you think you've blown it and can't be usable and used by God, just wait and see what God will do.

If you're still reading, I pray that God makes His love very real to you in spite of your struggling, and that it will sink its root deep and grow. The deeper you immerse yourself in His love, the more free you become. Free from failure, shame, guilt, worry, fear, fear of God's disappointment, and free to live, breathe, be perfectly imperfect, and enjoy God and being a Christian.

Now I contributed to my delayed healing process for letting my flesh do all the talking and listening to the devil's lies. Even when my emotional pain from childhood was valid. Time and time again God would send someone to tell me about His love and show me reminders through Scripture, but at the same time I would shut it out because I wasn't getting what I wanted or didn’t understand . Understand it is our selfish sin nature that causes more misery. God never intended that for His creation. But we have free will.

He does the transforming and renewal of your heart but your part is to meditate on His Word and talk to Him. He gives you the grace to desire and walk with Him. It's actually very simple but not easy because we've got an enemy who wants to distract us from God. Hence why we've got to stay in His Word.

He is never far from you (Psalm 34:18) but you can feel far from Him when you rely on feelings to dictate truth because feelings are fickle. They're prone to change. God always remains faithful through thick and thin. (Hebrews 13:8) Even when He doesn't make sense or we can't comprehend His ways, we can trust Him that He knows what's best and gives us what we need to grow our dependence on Him and give Him glory. Because He loves us, and that's all we need. God is greater and God is bigger no matter what's going on. It is enough. You can keep looking to people to satisfy you but you'll only feel more empty and dissatisfied. You were created by God for Him.

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were yet sinners; Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

He knew every bad decision I would make.

He knew every tale I would tell.

He knew all the times I would be mean and spiteful.

All the times I would walk away from His will and choose my own path.

All the things I think I hold in secret shame, sure that I have hidden them from the world and hoping I have masked them from Him,

He knew.

Yet, He died for me.

Salvation is a gift we do not deserve, but He gave it to us anyway, wrapped in His grace and mercy.

For further reading: Winning The Battle Against Shame