Healing From Past Wounds

I've been thinking about the differences between people hurting you, offending you, and disappointing you.

When somebody hurts you, they did something cruel to you without any remorse or concern. (Although you can unintentionally hurt someone with inappropriate or tactless words) When someone disappoints you, they failed to meet your expectations whether it was realistic or not. When someone offends you, they say something to ruffle your feathers or something you don't want to hear but need to. (Offenses “may” (or “may not”) be something you need to hear. Sometimes, we can be offended by truth but offenses are not always truth or something that needs to be said. (Just to clarify)) When someone has been deeply wounded by a parent or someone (Whether by mistake or on purpose) it's hard to understand the differences between the three, because our perceptions get distorted and we start viewing the way people act through those lens of a message we received in childhood.


"You're not good enough"


"You're not worthy"


"You're a failure" etc

Words cut deep like a knife and when they're not handled with care or tactfulness, they can really cause a wound or reopen it and carve it in deeper. Especially in children because their brains are still developing at a critical period. What they hear or receive, they start to believe and it shapes the way they view themselves, situations, and people around them. Hence why they may perceive an insensitive remark by their words and tone as a "personal attack" for instance and think, "they don't see me as a human being and worthy to receive love, kindness, sympathy, attention, etc."

The brain filters them and acts according to what it believes. Someone cut you off in traffic? That person thinks I'm invisible! My husband forgot our wedding anniversary? He doesn't appreciate or love me! People at church didn't greet me or acknowledge me? They see something wrong with me and want to avoid me. While these examples can anger or hurt our feelings, (understandably so) their actions and behaviors aren't always intentional (except maybe the guy in traffic). Some hurts are unintentional, misunderstood, or perceived but what hurts us more is wanting them to please us without fail more than whatever they've said or done.

It's a lesson I've learned that I can't look to people to please me because we all fail. We'll disappoint, offend, or hurt people. We've all had that happen to us too. And when our minds are not being renewed and our wounds and fears consume us, it leads to much bigger problems. Healing is a journey and there's no timeline for that. However, we are responsible for our progress and how we respond to offenses, hurts, and disappointments. No matter whether it was unintentional, misunderstood, or perceived or even intentional. Everybody is wounded and so compassion and grace is needed in all aspects. If we don't treat the root, it will grow and transfer into other areas and distort our perceptions. Self-denial, renewal, and revival brings freedom!

People are human with faulty logic, imperfections, sins, etc. We all fall short hence why grace is needed for them, and us too.... It's not easy though. There are words people said we'll never forget. Their intentions behind them makes it hurt more. We retaliate to justify our human pride, but Jesus says to not overcome evil with evil but with good. It's very difficult seeing past our reactions and responses to understand someone else-what drove them to act in a way that displeased us. And see them the way God does. (Humility)

Healing from offenses and hurts is a process. Some days are better than others but it doesn't mean you're weak. Your feelings are still valid and real even if people told you they weren't, whether it's from immaturity or out of spite or an impaired understanding. If that's happened to you, I'm very sorry it did. That person behaved poorly and not of Christ! They need the same grace we do... Healing and growth isn't easy. Being hurt requires assessment and healing. Being offended is a reaction-a choice to hang onto when someone steps on our toes, displeases us, or gives a snarky retort. Being disappointed requires examining our expectations.

Don't forget that the devil likes to use people or even our thoughts (if we’re not renewing our mind with the Word and in prayer) to poke at those areas in our life where we have past wounds or insecurities or false beliefs (yes, perhaps from our childhood or past circumstances). That’s why we need to continue to learn to see ourselves through the lens of who we now are in Christ (as we abide in Him), transformed by His truth, and surrendered to the Holy Spirit, so that our emotions and past mindsets don’t take over in those moments. It’s often easy to let our emotions control our responses and beliefs, and God through His Holy Spirit wants to change that. Are you going to let Him?