Why I Support Victims More Than Seeking Justice

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. In the same way, you can’t rush SA victims into reporting a crime if they don’t want to or aren’t ready. No matter how crucial the timing or situation is. It doesn’t justify letting the perpetrator roam freely and hurting more people, however, many are too afraid to speak up because of the memory being too painful or when they did, they were criticized or shamed. Which makes coming forward more difficult and challenging.

When I heard stories of how some of the victims were treated after they disclosed their abuse to family or people they thought they could trust, I cried. One girl was physically and mentally abused by her mom who called her dirty and a liar. Another was dismissed by her friend who told her flippantly to just “get over it” and trust God. Despite the fact that she heavily wrestled with her beliefs in God due to trauma and abuse from her predator who deeply rooted manipulation using “spirituality” or the Bible as a cover. Unfortunately, there’s more heartbreaking stories out there that are similar.

It’s so important to raise awareness of not only predation that occurs often in churches or anywhere kids are involved. But also what victims are going through. I feel that so many people, religious leaders especially, are so ignorant and closed minded in these situations, that they shove it under a rug and build a campfire singing kumbayah.

I remember talking to one pastor about a predator who attended his church who flippantly told me the situation doesn’t sound that serious since none of his victims reported sooner or have. I told the pastor he and his church staff need to take a training course on how to deal with predation in churches and protect church members.

While I don’t know why this occurs a lot within church circles, it’s evident there isn’t much wisdom or awareness. Which is frightening. Hence why I’m more passionate about helping SA victims than I am to see justice. Supporting them through advocacy and raising awareness of predators using “spirituality” to hurt people. Hence one reason why I shared my story.

For me, this is no longer about seeing justice by all means necessary that it consumes me with bitterness and hostility. This is more about supporting victims and helping them to speak up and inspire others to make a difference. Through education, advocacy, and providing a safe place for victims to share their vulnerabilities without any judgment, invalidation, or criticism. That’s what NEEDS to happen more in churches, or anywhere.

It’s so easy to dismiss and side with the predator especially if he or she is recognized as a respectable church member or citizen. Thus sweep it under a rug to protect their reputation or because they’re too afraid of conflict and confrontation. And instead choose to focus more on blaming the victim. It’s unacceptable and shameful for people in a position of authority like a pastor or whoever, to minimize and turn the other way. The Bible says that pastors will be held to a higher standard, thus will have to answer to God for allowing abuse to go unnoticed. (James 3:1, 1 Timothy 3:1-7, Hebrews 13:17)

While I’m going to continue encouraging victims to report their abuser if they’re able to, because more people will get hurt if nothing is done, what matters more than seeing the scales of justice balance is focusing more towards helping victims and supporting them emotionally no matter what they choose. It’s important to not shame them or express disappointment so critically when they choose not to do anything. No matter how frustrating the prospect of more people getting hurt. It’s a very difficult situation but what these victims really need is unconditional love and support. Make sure you give them that and listen before you speak

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Don’t put your foot in your mouth for the sake of “sharing the gospel” or “preaching forgiveness” if you’re the type of person to do that, STOP. It’s very annoying and unhelpful. You’re being an obnoxious jerk even if you don’t mean to. Practice more on simply being there instead of giving them unsolicited advice or dismissing them because you’re not comfortable and don’t know what else to say. Quit being a “fixer” just so you can feel good about yourself and go your merry way.

I’ve wrestled with rage and bitterness for two to three years on craving justice. And I have strongly disagreed with people who’ve told me my mental health was more concerning than injustice. Because I thought they were stupid and careless and had their priorities mixed up. For anybody struggling with bitterness and frustration over not seeing justice served or thinking God’s a complete inept, idiot who’s unfair, contradictory, and careless when He’s sovereign over everything, please read my story detailing my journey in that area.

I didn’t get the closure I wanted, but what I have now is way better. I thought I needed to see justice happen to move forward. I was wrong. The more I fought desperately for control when nothing happened, the harder it was to see clearly. Whether justice is evident or not, I will focus more on supporting SA victims and those who long for justice to unite in working together for the greater good. To make a difference and inspire others. Here is my story. 

My Closure Journey From A Toxic Predator

If anyone has something negative to say about my strong-willed personality or words, check out these two posts I wrote: Encouragement for strong-willed types & Single-Minded Devotion