Living A Lonely And Misunderstood Life

Why are some people lonelier and more easily ignored than others? If you've ever wondered that same question yourself, know that you are not alone. It's true that there are people who experience more rejection than others, or are always overlooked, and are ignored by everyone around them. There could be lots of reasons as to why that might be. 

You might not be interesting or fun to be around. Your passions and interests are atypical, what I mean by that is that it's very singular and repetitive (doesn't automatically mean you're in the autism spectrum), you're not a good listener, you're a bully, you're dishonest, you're very insecure, you're too quiet, etc. The list could go on and on. 

I'll go ahead and tell you that even the most confident person you might know in the room, can feel like an outsider or misfit who doesn't belong. Doesn't matter their popularity status, or grades, or achievements, looks, personality, etc. The thing is, you can be in a room full of people or in a crowd and still feel like you're alone or don't have a place in this world. It's happened to so many of us, and if people are being honest, they'll tell you that. 

Still, there are people who experience this far more than other people. They've tried to fit in by being someone they're not, dressing the part, saying, thinking, and doing what they're told to be accepted. And while it may work temporarily, they usually end up feeling even more misunderstood or lonely than before. 

I've compared myself to lots of people, even the ones who appeared to share the same interests on social media on repeat or post the same thing over and over and over and they end up getting like 50 or 100 likes on each post whereas I only get 1 if even that lol. I've actually received more than just 1 like but still, it's in very small numbers. Some people just have more magnetic charm than others I suppose no matter their personality style, interests, looks etc. And that's all fine. I'm happy for those people who no matter who they are, where they came from, they're more easily included or accepted in a group than others. Even if at times, they feel sad, lonely, or misunderstood. 

Some people are just more set apart than others to walk this path that involves more heartache, rejection, and being misunderstood. Every person is unique by how their brain is wired, how they were raised, their experiences, etc. No two people are created the same despite similarities that may exist. I've really wrestled with self-loathing and disgust in myself for how God chose to wire me and ordain my path in which I had zero control over whatsoever. I'm not talking about choices I've made and consequences I've reaped, I'm talking about stuff that happened which is beyond my control. I've wondered, "Why do I have to be wired this way?" "Why couldn't my path be like this or similar to that person's path?" I truly don't know why. All I know is that the more I dwell on this, the more flustered, sad, and lonely I get.

So what might be the solution to all of this then? I believe the answer lies in being yourself and resting in contentment that you were created for something much larger than yourself. Even when it doesn't feel like or seem like that's the case. You have something to offer that this world needs whatever that is. Whether it's a passion for food, art, music, writing, literature, psychology, criminal justice, etc. Wherever your interests are, they exist for a reason. Even if you're a single-minded person who's passionately focused on one thing more than others, there's a place for you too. Even if that means you have to walk this road of being misunderstood by many along the way.

I'll share a funny story (well, it might not be funny to you). I remember seeing a therapist who suggested I had a very mild scope of Asperger's syndrome (which I know isn't called that now anymore). When I mentioned that to my psychiatrist who is very blunt and observant, he said, "Something is wrong with your therapist." I bursted out laughing after he said it. Lol. He asked me if I knew what Asperger's was and when I shared my knowledge, he sighed and explained what it was and assured me I didn't have it. He also told me to quit seeing that therapist. Reason I share this story is because it's so easy for people to be misunderstood as having this or that, or be diagnosed by others who tell them this is what they have or might have and that is the label that defines who they are. I've been mislabeled as bipolar (which my psychiatrist also confirmed I didn't have) or other things by people who have absolutely no understanding or knowledge yet think they're doctors or smarter than them. Thus try to assume and diagnose me. Lol. As irritating and funny (in a sad way) as it is however, being misunderstood is a part of life and some people experience that more than others. Why? I don't know. They just do. It's all a part of their life calling I guess.

Regardless, no matter how lonely or misunderstood I feel, I try to not let it bother me too much by focusing more on what gives me joy in life. And realizing that I have a gift to share with others, (as all of us do) and the only way I can fully live my part is by embracing myself with all the quirks and everything else, constantly strive for improvement by working on my faults, and use it to live life to the full. Whatever comes next will either try to bring me down or lift me up. In that case, here is a quote at the bottom to read over

"You know something, it’s not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn’t have bothered in the first place. But let me tell you something, there’s not much of a difference between a stadium full with cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will."-Sue Sylvester, Glee

New Year, New You

When bad memories start playing in my mind to keep me distracted from improving and growing in life, I try to remind myself that even though my past had unkind or ungenerous people, involved poor decision making, and tons of hurt. I am not defined by any one of those. I was simply human back then and I'm still human now. Even the people in my life who had a negative impact on me, are also dead just like my former self is dead as well. Whatever insensitive and demeaning or belittling communication (it's not just verbal) they've used and uttered about me or to me, whether it contained truth (nobody's perfect) or was branded misunderstood. They are dead too who only belong in the past, which is dead too. The past is history, but the lessons remain alive. 

No matter what memories and feelings try to remind me, I am not the same person I was years ago. I'm continuously learning and evolving every day. While it may not look like it right now on the surface, it doesn't mean nothing is taking place inside. Growth and transformation doesn't happen overnight. And even when nobody notices, it doesn't mean it isn't significant! Progress is still progress regardless. The good that came out of every circumstance or situation I've faced has taught me valuable lessons and wisdom. And how people talk, act or behave towards others says more about them and taught me how *not* to conduct myself towards others. It increased understanding and empathy to people of various backgrounds. Still a work in progress but every year adds more growth on top of the next. 

Despite the hurt or unforgettable memories (though the past is gone) I'm thankful to gain strength and improve in some areas. Even people's faults can help steer you in that direction if you let yourself be teachable in the process. Learn from your past, but don't live there. (Or try not to) #ANewYearANewYou

What You Need To Know About Narcissism

Written by Joe Ramirez

I read this from another group and it really resonated it with me. I thought I'd share it in case someone else needs to hear this as well...

The narcissist doesn’t find “a better person”. They find someone who doesn’t know better. Once you catch on to their lies, cheating, manipulation and gaslighting, they’ll discard you and move on to the next one they’ve been grooming. OR, they’ll move on from you because they have used you all up and you are of no value to them anymore. And they move on very quickly too. Not even 2-3 weeks go by after a break up and they’re already in a relationship. And I guarantee you they were grooming this person while in the relationship. And that’s because they don’t like to be by themselves. They can’t. They don’t like the thought of being by themselves, they’re codependent upon other people. It’s their “narcissistic supply”. They need validation. They need to feel like the center of somebody’s world, because ultimately, everything is and will always be about them.

They are love bombing the new one, being on their best behavior and getting them trapped. They are portraying themselves as husband (or wife) material, loving, supportive, etc and they are NOTHING like that. Nothing. They are literally the total opposite once they get you reeled in. They are extremely entitled and display a grandiose illusion of themselves to cover up their low self-esteem, and believe they can do no wrong. They feel as if they’re above the law and is better than everyone else. They’re also jealous. They’ll never be happy about your achievements or anyone else’s except their own.

Narcs pick certain people. They pick those who they know are caring, sweet, and nurturing. And trust me when I tell you, you have something they want. It might be money, it might be sex, or sometimes (if they live on their own) they’ll move you in quickly so you can help them pay their bills while they drain you of your money and your soul. And they’ll try to isolate you from friends and family in the long run. They won’t want you to go anywhere, they’ll want you to dress a certain way….and literally every single thing you do will become a problem.

They’re NEVER satisfied, and will ALWAYS have a void in their life that will never be filled. They’re incapable of empathy, and understanding. The new person doesn’t know what kind of hell they’re getting into. They don’t know they’re getting ready to endure emotional abuse, mental abuse, and sometimes physical or spiritual abuse. They’ll literally make you feel like you’re crazy and you’re not. They’ll even start arguments because it was a good day, and blame you for the argument they started, and tell everyone it’s you that likes to argue. And they will disrespect you, talk down to you and about you, and devalue you.

They also PURPOSELY provoke you so you can REACT (reactive abuse), so you can look like the crazy one. Because what happens is, they provoke you by yelling at you, being disrespectful, calling you out of your name etc…..but when you react to the disrespect, now they’re the calm one, and you’re irate, making YOU look crazy. They know how to play the game. Trust me.

Narcissism is real. I could go on and on about narcissism. The best part is, now I know. And I can spot it when I see it. Went through it for years and the blindfold came off.

Here are signs of narcissistic traits in a person you need to know. Whether it's to help you or someone else you know. https://jenswalkwithgod.blogspot.com/2022/12/signs-of-narcissist-or-person-with.html

Bitterness and Healing

"Healing is such a process. And when more hurtful things happen in the midst of our healing, it’s only natural for bitterness to come knocking.

 
But I’m learning that bitterness doesn’t protect me or prove anything. It only turns me into someone I don’t want to be. So, I find a healthier way to process than seething over what happened.

 
If you’re struggling with this right now, I want you to know how sorry I am. But I also want you to remember sometimes our hearts aren’t bitter… they are just really broken.

 
And Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I love this promise from God. He is close to us when our hearts are broken from circumstances we can’t change and relationships that will never be the same. You are not alone in your hurt."- Lysa TerKeurst

Signs of A Narcissist or A Person With Narcissistic Traits (The sooner you know, the better!)

Written by Nancy Parker (Words in parenthesis mine)

These are just a few of the most common traits you’ll see a narcissistic man showing. It is entirely possible to break free from a narcissistic relationship, but it takes time, effort, and support. There are a lot of narcissistic women walking around too, but I will focus on men in this post. The traits I mention work just as much for narcissistic women too.

The main traits of a narcissistic man *or woman* are:
1. Inflated sense of self-importance
2. Low self-esteem, although they will never admit it. (Unless you call them out on toxic behavior/actions, they'll use the "victim" card to manipulate and guilt trip you. "Nobody loves me, I put people down because I was deprived of self-esteem and love growing up, blah blah blah. How DARE you call me out! I'm the REAL and ONLY victim" *Major trigger overload* They throw one heck of a tantrum!)
3. The common use of manipulation techniques, including gaslighting.
4. Always wanting the very best of everything
5. Assuming their opinion is right, and everyone else is wrong
6. A tendency to put others down to make themselves look and feel better (Goes hand in hand with point number 2 which they will NEVER apologize for. Ever.)
7. Extreme difficulties in maintaining friendships and relationships long-term
8. An inability to show love regularly, e.g., through genuine affection (They have the ability to love and the need to be loved, after all, they're so entitled and only in love with themselves. Or rather, a grandiose illusion of themselves. (Not to be confused with arrogance although it can seem that way.) BUT, their capacity to "love" themselves in a genuine, healthy way is non-existent and nearly impossible. And if they can't love themselves properly, there's no way they can love anyone)
9. You could describe him as a control freak.

A narcissistic man will be the epitome of charming at the beginning. He will lasso you in with his charm, wit, kindness, and sense of humor. It’s only when he’s pretty sure you’re emotionally hooked that he will let the act drop and become his true self. Once you are emotionally hooked, his true colors will show, but he will not do this immediately or all at once.

There will be small signs that all is not well. For instance, he might tell you that your outfit doesn’t suit you, destroying your self-confidence at that moment and causing you to cancel your night out with friends. As a result, he’s making you reliant on him and alienating you from your circle.

He might do something, and then when you question him, he’ll deny all knowledge. He will tell you that you imagine again, and you begin to question your own sanity. This is classic gas-lighting, one of the most commonly used manipulation tactics by narcissists.

Just as you reach the point where you think that there’s something a little wrong and question why he’s treating you this way when he claims to love you, he will notice your doubt. Then, he will switch back to his original, charming self. (The more you start doubting, the more they will say anything to keep you in their grasp) You see, at his very core, a narcissistic man has self-esteem issues and relies on your neediness of him to validate his worth. Despite that, he has an inflated sense of self-importance in terms of his views, his ability, and his appearance. It’s a total contradiction, making narcissism challenging to understand unless you’ve seen it firsthand.

Narcissists are constantly striving for perfection; they need to be in control. They have the perfect idea of how things should be and play out. They need to know what comes next; if not, they’re left unprepared with what to say or how to act, and that’s not a good look for them.

They need to look cool, calm, and collected at all times. They will never recognize their actions as wrong. Instead, they shift the blame and point fingers at someone close to them. Most likely, that’ll be you. They don’t compromise. It has to be their way, or it’s the highway. They’re not able to put anyone else first, as that would mean they’re not a priority anymore. They act one way but then do something different. They manipulate and twist everything around until you feel you can’t trust yourself.

Narcissists believe everything must be perfect, whether it’s themselves, you, or an event. Of course, because nothing is perfect, they’re usually unsatisfied with everything. What sets a narcissistic man apart is his tendency to project perfection even if he is far from it. To a narcissist, displaying perfection is all that matters.

Narcissistic men are deeply insecure and fearful. Most narcissists have experienced trauma and rejection; however, they repressed it. With shame, they feel something is wrong with them as a person. So, they fight those feelings back by hiding them (and using that as justification to harm others). (They're cowards who act shamefully even though they know what's right vs. wrong. Don't be fooled into thinking they don't know better. They do. They wouldn't be so inconspicuous to avoid being caught if they didn't know their actions are wrong. They can stop if they really wanted to. It's not involuntary like breathing. But they don't care. And that is what makes them losers.)

Run as fast as you can. You might even love him when you realize he’s a narcissist, but Narcissistic men care for nobody but themselves. Countless people make this assumption and stay in relationships that make them miserable, but the bottom line is that you cannot cure his problem; only he can, and even then, it's (very) *unlikely* he will choose to go through the therapy treatment required to rewire his brain because they don’t think they need help, they think everyone else does.

Sweet Caroline

Last year I had this sweet potato casserole made by Denise Jonas, the mother of the Jonas Brothers, who owns a restaurant with her husband in North Carolina. She appeared on a news segment showing the news anchors how to make this delicious casserole. I’ll be honest, this recipe was really sweet. Even when I substituted the pineapple juice with orange juice, it was still pretty sweet. But it’s good! Definitely a good side dish or dessert to have on Thanksgiving or Christmas. Add some vanilla ice cream on top to give it another sweet kick if you want. Though honestly, it’s sweet enough by itself. Hope you enjoy! ^_^

Filling Ingredients

6-7 light sweet potatoes, peeled

3/4 cups sugar

1 stick butter

3-4 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

almond milk, as needed

Topping Ingredients

2 tablespoons flour

1 cup light brown sugar

1/3 cup melted butter

1/2 cup orange juice or pineapple juice

1 cup chopped pecans

Directions

Filling

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

Place sweet potatoes in a large saucepan with water to cover. Cook over medium high heat until tender.

Drain and mash potatoes while still hot.

In a large bowl, mix together the sweet potatoes, sugar and butter.

Add eggs and vanilla extract, and milk if needed.

Mix until smooth. Transfer to a 9×13 inch baking dish.

Topping

In a medium bowl, mix the flour and light brown sugar.

Add the melted butter.

Add juice until the consistency is medium thick.

Stir in the pecans.

Sprinkle the mixture over the sweet potato mixture.

Bake in the preheated oven for 30-40 minutes and serve hot.

Random note:

I remember listening to the Jonas Brothers in high school. I had a HUGE crush on Joe, the middle brother. I still think Joe is the handsomest brother even now…If I ever visit North Carolina, going to their family restaurant in Belmont is on my list because you needed to know that lol. Merry Christmas!

Bananarama Chocolate Chip Waffles

Cobra Kai actress Mary Mouser, who plays Samantha Larusso on the show made these deliciously wonderful Bananarama Chocolate Chip Pancakes on her YouTube channel.

If you’ve seen Cobra Kai on Netflix, then you know about the famous Bananarama Chocolate Chip Pancakes Daniel Larusso whipped up for Sam on the show in one episode. I took notes while watching Mary make the pancakes herself but decided to spin my own twist to it by turning it into waffles instead. Because waffles are superior to pancakes can I get an amen? Lol. All lame joking aside, here’s the written instructions for this recipe.

Ingredients

1 1/2 cup all-purpose baking flour

2 tablespoons regular granulated white sugar

2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 eggs

1 cup + 2 tablespoons low fat milk (I used 2 percent)

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

3 tablespoons unsalted melted butter (I skipped the butter the second time because it was too buttery for my taste when I first tried this, so you can reduce the butter or skip it altogether)

1 small over ripe banana (the riper the banana, the tastier it is)

Directions

Whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl. Add the banana and mash it with a fork until almost smooth. Whisk in eggs then add milk and vanilla extract and stir everything altogether. After this step, pour in chocolate chips if you want and combine that with the mixture. Once that’s done, pour the mixture in a waffle maker or in a pan if you’re making pancakes and if you need more specific visual instructions, go watch the video lol. Mary Mouser is adorable and has a fun personality.

Once it was finished, I poured semi-sweet chocolate chips on top and added slices of banana along with some sweet maple syrup.

If you make these yourself I hope you enjoy them as much as I did and if you haven’t watched Cobra Kai, I hope you’ll give that show a try while eating these yummy pancakes or waffles at the same time. The show is badass just like this recipe. Enjoy! ^_^