Signs of A Narcissist or A Person With Narcissistic Traits (The sooner you know, the better!)

Written by Nancy Parker (Words in parenthesis mine)

These are just a few of the most common traits you’ll see a narcissistic man showing. It is entirely possible to break free from a narcissistic relationship, but it takes time, effort, and support. There are a lot of narcissistic women walking around too, but I will focus on men in this post. The traits I mention work just as much for narcissistic women too.

The main traits of a narcissistic man *or woman* are:
1. Inflated sense of self-importance
2. Low self-esteem, although they will never admit it. (Unless you call them out on toxic behavior/actions, they'll use the "victim" card to manipulate and guilt trip you. "Nobody loves me, I put people down because I was deprived of self-esteem and love growing up, blah blah blah. How DARE you call me out! I'm the REAL and ONLY victim" *Major trigger overload* They throw one heck of a tantrum!)
3. The common use of manipulation techniques, including gaslighting.
4. Always wanting the very best of everything
5. Assuming their opinion is right, and everyone else is wrong
6. A tendency to put others down to make themselves look and feel better (Goes hand in hand with point number 2 which they will NEVER apologize for. Ever.)
7. Extreme difficulties in maintaining friendships and relationships long-term
8. An inability to show love regularly, e.g., through genuine affection (They have the ability to love and the need to be loved, after all, they're so entitled and only in love with themselves. Or rather, a grandiose illusion of themselves. (Not to be confused with arrogance although it can seem that way.) BUT, their capacity to "love" themselves in a genuine, healthy way is non-existent and nearly impossible. And if they can't love themselves properly, there's no way they can love anyone)
9. You could describe him as a control freak.

A narcissistic man will be the epitome of charming at the beginning. He will lasso you in with his charm, wit, kindness, and sense of humor. It’s only when he’s pretty sure you’re emotionally hooked that he will let the act drop and become his true self. Once you are emotionally hooked, his true colors will show, but he will not do this immediately or all at once.

There will be small signs that all is not well. For instance, he might tell you that your outfit doesn’t suit you, destroying your self-confidence at that moment and causing you to cancel your night out with friends. As a result, he’s making you reliant on him and alienating you from your circle.

He might do something, and then when you question him, he’ll deny all knowledge. He will tell you that you imagine again, and you begin to question your own sanity. This is classic gas-lighting, one of the most commonly used manipulation tactics by narcissists.

Just as you reach the point where you think that there’s something a little wrong and question why he’s treating you this way when he claims to love you, he will notice your doubt. Then, he will switch back to his original, charming self. (The more you start doubting, the more they will say anything to keep you in their grasp) You see, at his very core, a narcissistic man has self-esteem issues and relies on your neediness of him to validate his worth. Despite that, he has an inflated sense of self-importance in terms of his views, his ability, and his appearance. It’s a total contradiction, making narcissism challenging to understand unless you’ve seen it firsthand.

Narcissists are constantly striving for perfection; they need to be in control. They have the perfect idea of how things should be and play out. They need to know what comes next; if not, they’re left unprepared with what to say or how to act, and that’s not a good look for them.

They need to look cool, calm, and collected at all times. They will never recognize their actions as wrong. Instead, they shift the blame and point fingers at someone close to them. Most likely, that’ll be you. They don’t compromise. It has to be their way, or it’s the highway. They’re not able to put anyone else first, as that would mean they’re not a priority anymore. They act one way but then do something different. They manipulate and twist everything around until you feel you can’t trust yourself.

Narcissists believe everything must be perfect, whether it’s themselves, you, or an event. Of course, because nothing is perfect, they’re usually unsatisfied with everything. What sets a narcissistic man apart is his tendency to project perfection even if he is far from it. To a narcissist, displaying perfection is all that matters.

Narcissistic men are deeply insecure and fearful. Most narcissists have experienced trauma and rejection; however, they repressed it. With shame, they feel something is wrong with them as a person. So, they fight those feelings back by hiding them (and using that as justification to harm others). (They're cowards who act shamefully even though they know what's right vs. wrong. Don't be fooled into thinking they don't know better. They do. They wouldn't be so inconspicuous to avoid being caught if they didn't know their actions are wrong. They can stop if they really wanted to. It's not involuntary like breathing. But they don't care. And that is what makes them losers.)

Run as fast as you can. You might even love him when you realize he’s a narcissist, but Narcissistic men care for nobody but themselves. Countless people make this assumption and stay in relationships that make them miserable, but the bottom line is that you cannot cure his problem; only he can, and even then, it's (very) *unlikely* he will choose to go through the therapy treatment required to rewire his brain because they don’t think they need help, they think everyone else does.