I Will Never Forgive Them For What They Did—Never!

Written by anonymous 

When feelings of anger, ill will, or bitterness well up at the mere mention or thought of someone’s name, we are most likely harboring unforgiveness. No special training is required to bear a grudge or harbor resentment; we are naturally wired that way. It is easy to justify unforgiveness because there is an active pain living inside our heart and mind. We have been offended, hurt, and made to feel intense pain. It is often impossible to ignore the sea of pain raging on the inside. We have been wronged and now we want to extract a pound of flesh from the offending person.

There are many circumstances that cause us to cling to unforgiveness. Broken marriages, failed romances, strained friendships, personal betrayals, sexual assault, rape, murder and the list could go on and on. It could be that some of you reading this may have faced your own awful experience and are suffering from unforgiveness. Not long ago Americans were amazed by a Christian woman whose mother was murdered in cold blood by the Charleston church shooter. Here’s how she responded to the young murderer:

“I forgive you,” Nadine Collier, the daughter of 70-year-old Ethel Lance, said at the hearing, her voice breaking with emotion. “You took something very precious from me. I will never talk to her again. I will never, ever hold her again. But I forgive you. And have mercy on your soul.”

As I am writing I am listening to reports of a Florida school shooting with 14 wounded and 17 dead at the hands of 19-year-old Nikolas Cruz. Our hearts and prayers go out to the families and friends who have suffered the loss of their loved ones and now face the heartbreak no parent should ever have to deal with. This is purely an act of evil.

Understanding Forgiveness

Perhaps the best way to understand forgiveness is to understand what forgiveness is not. Forgiving others does not mean we agree with them or approve what they did. Forgiveness is not pretending we were not wronged, offended, hurt, or acting as if nothing ever happened. Forgiveness does not mean we are required to forget that the offense ever occurred. None of this is what is meant by forgiveness. It is important to keep the right perspective on forgiveness as we move forward.

There is no greater authority on the subject of forgiveness than God. He is the author of forgiveness. Moreover, God has forgiven more people for more and greater wrongs than anyone else while at the same time not one person deserved to be forgiven.

We, humans, are by nature a corrupt and immoral people—sinners through and through. We are always falling short of what is required (Romans 3:23). We are deserving of God’s wrath, not His forgiveness. Nevertheless, because of God’s great love, He gave us the gift of forgiveness that came through His son Jesus. Now the free gift of forgiveness was not free to God but purchased by Jesus on Calvary’s cross. The purchase price was the cruel and unmerciful crucifixion of our Lord and Savior as full payment for all our sins.

God made him who had no sin to be sin [a sin offering] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

Although we continually ignore and offend God by rejecting His Lordship over our lives, God’s amazing love motivated Him to demonstrate just how much he truly loves us by sending Jesus to suffer and die in our place. We understand that God’s forgiveness came to us through His love. Therefore, our capacity to forgive is connected to and empowered by our understanding and personal experience with God’s undeserved love, grace, mercy, and complete forgiveness. It is here that we learn from our personal and individual experiences what God’s love is all about.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

When we honestly reflect upon the full wretchedness of our own lives and comprehend the undeserved forgiveness we received as a free gift from God, we are empowered to forgive others. Having received this undeserved forgiveness from God and remaining unwilling to forgive others is just plain wrong for a true follower of Christ. To illustrate this point let’s read the parable Jesus shared on forgiveness:

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]  23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[b] was brought to him.25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.  26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. 28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.  29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” (Matthew 18:21-35)

MORAL: Like the servant in the parable, our sin debt is impossible to pay because the payment for sin is death (Romans 3:23). We are helplessly and deservedly bound for eternal destruction in a place called hell. We are condemned by our own sinful behavior that testifies against us. Amazingly, Christ steps in and cancels our sin debt at no cost to us by suffering in our place. Our cross becomes His cross. Our suffering becomes His suffering. Complete forgiveness and eternal life are offered as free gifts when we turn to God in true repentance. Along comes our fellow-man who has wronged us and we cannot forgive them for their sin, even though their offense pales in comparison to our own sin debt that we could never repay. We had no problem with God rescuing our wicked caucus from the flames of an eternal hell that we surely deserved. We greatly rejoiced that we received eternal life. But for our fellow-man who has wronged us, we refuse to let go of the offense. Our unforgiving self-righteous spirit burns with anger. Our refusal to forgive others (like the wicked servant) demonstrates we are wicked and know nothing of Christ love, grace, mercy, forgiveness and eternal life. The unmerciful servant is reprimanded and turned over to the jailer for punishment—torture in a place called hell.

Our capacity to forgive others is empowered by our understanding and personal experience with God’s undeserved gifts of love, grace mercy, forgiveness and eternal life. The clearer our view of God, the greater will be our understanding of His will for our lives. Consider these passages:

 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25)

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matthew 6:12)

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)

At this point, you might be thinking, what if a person never says they are sorry or ask to be forgiven? What if they hate you and are your sworn enemy?  What if they broke the law and committed an awful crime against you? Do I still have to forgive them?

Well, if Jesus thought it was important to forgive the men crucifying him (Luke 23:34), though they never asked, I believe we must follow His example. God did not give us the option to withhold or rationalize unforgiveness. We cannot wait around until the offending party comes to their senses and knocks on our door with a huge apology. Such events seldom happen. We must predetermine that we are going to possess a forgiving attitude, a forgiving spirit, a conscious and deliberate mindset that says I will not harbor resentment, vengeance, bitterness, or hatred toward anyone who has wronged me even if they don’t deserve to be forgiven.

The Destructive Nature of Unforgiveness

Harboring unforgiveness can cause sleepless nights, health problems, poison your spirit, create bitterness, destroy relationships, destroy marriages, and alienate your children, parents, spouse and other family members and friends. Unforgiveness is toxic to those who harbor it and it infects those with whom we are intimate. It has been well said that unforgiveness is like swallowing rat poison and then waiting for the offending person to drop dead. Moreover, the person that hurt you might not even know or care that they wronged you. The negative impact of unforgiveness will ruin your life and possibly your relationship with God.

Some people will argue, “you have no idea how deeply that person hurt me; I will never forgive them!”

While it is true that most people cannot feel our pain or understand our hurt, God can and does. We must learn to “cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). On the other hand, Satan wants us to wallow in the muck and mire of unforgiveness where our joy and peace is nonexistence. Satan delights in holding people captive in his house of unforgiveness.

True forgiveness happens when we release (let go) the anger, resentment, bitterness, and feelings of ill will we are harboring in our mind, heart, and spirit, not because the other person deserves it (they don’t), but because we know, understand and have experienced eternal forgiveness that flows from God. It is only then that the peace of God can be released into our lives.

Sometimes when life-altering wrongs occur, forgiveness becomes more of a process than an event. Sometimes we are so devastated by the severity of the wrong that there must be a process of healing. Nevertheless, we must work through to completely releasing the negative and harmful hurt we tend to nurture. It is possible to overcome unforgiveness if we truly know the Lord and are submitted to His Lordship.

We are not suggesting in the least that unlawful behavior should be ignored and everyone freed from prison because we forgive them. Sometimes there are consequences associated with the offending party’s actions, and although we choose to forgive someone for the hurt they created in our lives, the lawful consequences are necessary for many reasons. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgiveness from the consequences. People must be held accountable for unlawful acts. Remember, God did not ignore or pretend we are not sinners, He paid the price, the penalty for sin by sending Jesus to suffer in our place for all our wrongdoing. There are consequences for unlawful behavior and those consequences must be carefully and judiciously administered.

As stated earlier, “forgiving others does not mean we agree with them or approve what they did. Forgiveness is not pretending we were not wronged, offended, hurt, or that nothing ever happened. Forgiveness does not mean we must forget that the offense ever occurred. None of this is what is meant by forgiveness.”

Forgiveness is showing grace and mercy to people who do not deserve either. Unforgiveness is an unspiritual act of our fleshly or sinful nature while forgiveness is a spiritual thing that first came into our lives through experiencing God’s love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

Conclusion

God says forgive. It is completely wrong for a true child of God to harbor unforgiveness. Unforgiveness, will make you miserable and negatively impact your relationships with the Lord. Let the peace of God rule in your heart instead of unforgiveness.

Isn’t it time to let go of the grievances?

Healing From Past Wounds

I've been thinking about the differences between people hurting you, offending you, and disappointing you.

When somebody hurts you, they did something cruel to you without any remorse or concern. (Although you can unintentionally hurt someone with inappropriate or tactless words) When someone disappoints you, they failed to meet your expectations whether it was realistic or not. When someone offends you, they say something to ruffle your feathers or something you don't want to hear but need to. (Offenses “may” (or “may not”) be something you need to hear. Sometimes, we can be offended by truth but offenses are not always truth or something that needs to be said. (Just to clarify)) When someone has been deeply wounded by a parent or someone (Whether by mistake or on purpose) it's hard to understand the differences between the three, because our perceptions get distorted and we start viewing the way people act through those lens of a message we received in childhood.


"You're not good enough"


"You're not worthy"


"You're a failure" etc

Words cut deep like a knife and when they're not handled with care or tactfulness, they can really cause a wound or reopen it and carve it in deeper. Especially in children because their brains are still developing at a critical period. What they hear or receive, they start to believe and it shapes the way they view themselves, situations, and people around them. Hence why they may perceive an insensitive remark by their words and tone as a "personal attack" for instance and think, "they don't see me as a human being and worthy to receive love, kindness, sympathy, attention, etc."

The brain filters them and acts according to what it believes. Someone cut you off in traffic? That person thinks I'm invisible! My husband forgot our wedding anniversary? He doesn't appreciate or love me! People at church didn't greet me or acknowledge me? They see something wrong with me and want to avoid me. While these examples can anger or hurt our feelings, (understandably so) their actions and behaviors aren't always intentional (except maybe the guy in traffic). Some hurts are unintentional, misunderstood, or perceived but what hurts us more is wanting them to please us without fail more than whatever they've said or done.

It's a lesson I've learned that I can't look to people to please me because we all fail. We'll disappoint, offend, or hurt people. We've all had that happen to us too. And when our minds are not being renewed and our wounds and fears consume us, it leads to much bigger problems. Healing is a journey and there's no timeline for that. However, we are responsible for our progress and how we respond to offenses, hurts, and disappointments. No matter whether it was unintentional, misunderstood, or perceived or even intentional. Everybody is wounded and so compassion and grace is needed in all aspects. If we don't treat the root, it will grow and transfer into other areas and distort our perceptions. Self-denial, renewal, and revival brings freedom!

People are human with faulty logic, imperfections, sins, etc. We all fall short hence why grace is needed for them, and us too.... It's not easy though. There are words people said we'll never forget. Their intentions behind them makes it hurt more. We retaliate to justify our human pride, but Jesus says to not overcome evil with evil but with good. It's very difficult seeing past our reactions and responses to understand someone else-what drove them to act in a way that displeased us. And see them the way God does. (Humility)

Healing from offenses and hurts is a process. Some days are better than others but it doesn't mean you're weak. Your feelings are still valid and real even if people told you they weren't, whether it's from immaturity or out of spite or an impaired understanding. If that's happened to you, I'm very sorry it did. That person behaved poorly and not of Christ! They need the same grace we do... Healing and growth isn't easy. Being hurt requires assessment and healing. Being offended is a reaction-a choice to hang onto when someone steps on our toes, displeases us, or gives a snarky retort. Being disappointed requires examining our expectations.

Don't forget that the devil likes to use people or even our thoughts (if we’re not renewing our mind with the Word and in prayer) to poke at those areas in our life where we have past wounds or insecurities or false beliefs (yes, perhaps from our childhood or past circumstances). That’s why we need to continue to learn to see ourselves through the lens of who we now are in Christ (as we abide in Him), transformed by His truth, and surrendered to the Holy Spirit, so that our emotions and past mindsets don’t take over in those moments. It’s often easy to let our emotions control our responses and beliefs, and God through His Holy Spirit wants to change that. Are you going to let Him?

There's No Need For Revenge

Saw this posted by someone which I had to share!

Revenge does not come when you blast them on social media

When you stoop to their level

When you try to prove what kind of person they really are 

When you throw insults 

When you attempt to make them hurt the way they hurt you 

Revenge comes when God gives them a front row seat to your winning season, and they have to see that despite their best efforts to tear your down, you’re still standing. 

(Psalm 23:5) “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies…”

No need to seek revenge. 

One day, God’s going to make sure they watch.

Forgiveness

I visited a church yesterday that I've been wanting to try for months but couldn't because of covid and my messed up sleep/work schedule. I finally went and I'm so glad I did! My heart felt full and at peace when I was there, and this message was so timely and needed. Preaching was on fire! The sermon is about healing and unforgiveness. Timestamp is 23:03. I hope it blesses you like it has blessed me!

https://www.facebook.com/firstbaptistsomerset/videos/510096600907482/

No Bake Key Lime Pie

I made this yummy and tasty dessert key lime pie which is actually perfect for the summertime, and I’m proud of how this turned out! It was super easy to make and will definitely be one of my dessert staples to use.


Instructions

1 cup condensed milk
1/2 cup lime juice
8 oz container cool whip
1 graham cracker pie crust

Mix condensed milk and lime juice. Fold in cool whip. Pour into graham cracker pie crust and refrigerate overnight. Enjoy! ^_^

In The Age Of Technology And Hospitality

Written by Brittany

You all have one of those friends, right?! You know who I am talking about. That girl who is like a second mother even in her 20 something years. Whose place (dorm room, apartment, house, etc.) is always put together. If a group of 5-10 friends stop by unexpectedly, she can easily throw together a 3 course meal with what she has on hand. She is always hosting and serving.

I want to be her! Let’s be honest, I have to plan 2 days in advance before inviting people over. The dishes aren’t clean, since there are only a few of them that I own. I can normally offer people water, an egg sandwich (if the bread is not hard) or cereal. And that’s on a good day.

My roommate is one of those girls! She is the sweetest. This was something I came home to the other day when she had friends over for breakfast.



And this!



And this was for 4 people! We felt very blessed that morning 

I tend to buy and prepare just enough for myself to operate comfortably. Then scramble to make it work when other people enter into the little kingdom I call my townhome.

There is nothing inherently wrong with that. Hospitality is a spiritual gift. It does not come easily to most. So in some ways, let those with the gift use it to serve in the way that makes them happy, and honors the Lord.

But let’s not be quick to use that as a cop-out. God still calls us to be in community with each other. Hebrews 10:25 says not to give up meeting together, but encourage each other. The early church is said to have been opening up their homes to each other, sharing everything they had, and breaking bread together. There is something essential to being in each others lives and homes.

God gives each of us special gifts for reasons, but that does not mean we are meant to neglect all the other gifts. He is still molding us and growing us in all areas of life. Each spiritual gift represents another aspect of God’s character. So by pursuing these things we are bringing Him glory and reflecting Him to others. Actively pursuing things that God values reveals that we attribute value to Him. To make ourselves uncomfortable to pursue things that reflect the Lord is the ultimate evidence of surrender and humility.

And! Bonus! It’s another way to practice dependence on the Lord. I am not a patient person. But I am still called to be patient. So I have to actively depend of the Lord to help me be patient.

This week, I will admit to you all that I have not been a kind person, especially in my thoughts. But God still calls me to be kind. So I have had to depend on Him to help me lay down my sinful heart and adopt a kind spirit. I know that might sound like I am being fake to you, but it’s not. I don’t do it perfectly, but any effort that I do toward kindness was not me. It was the Lord. I have to deny my feelings and my sinful pride in order to obey the Lord.

I am not being fake. I am not being something I am not. I have been made kind in Christ. Any actions that are not kind are a result of my sin, which is no longer my identity. So denying the sin and putting on the attitude of Christ, is me pursuing who I really am. Or who I am being made into in Christ.

So what does that have to do with hospitality in my life. I am not hospitable. I am kinda selfish and like to keep my life to myself. But God has blessed me with an opportunity to serve others in hospitality. So I want to learn to take better advantage of those times and learn to depend on the Lord to help me to grow in hospitality.

God gives and takes away. He has provided time and resources to serve those around me, and He has provided people to serve. I want to take advantage of that.

Also to observe those around me who have been gifted with this. To confess and turn from resentment and envy when they do it so easily. But to really humble myself to be a learner. To ask for help. To challenge myself to things that make me uncomfortable.

In the age of pinterest and smartphones, it is easy to compare and think that we will never measure up. We will never be able to make the coolest recipe and dessert. We will never have the most adorable house to host things in. We will never have enough money to do the things we want. We will never have time to plan theme parties every weekend. But the funnest meal that I shared with people this past week was a turkey burger on a piece of bread, and some left over broccoli. It was easy and tasty. And it allowed us to all spend time and fellowship together. It didn’t have to be elaborate. But the heart behind it pointed to the provision and humility of Jesus. It was a beautiful meal, with wonderful friends.

Walking A Lonely Road

I was listening to a song by Green Day called “Boulevard of Broken Dreams,” and these lyrics have resonated more to me than ever throughout the years.

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don’t know where it goes

But it’s only me, and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the boulevard of broken dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I’m the only one, and I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone

I walk alone and I walk a…

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

Till then I walk alone

I’ve walked a lonely road for a long time and still do at times. Feel like God ordained my path a certain way just from with struggles that set me apart from the rest. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t meant to belong anywhere even when I’m surrounded by people. Every time I desperately wanted to fit in and belong to a community of people who would accept me and love me, it resulted in more loneliness and sadness.

I used to believe that God was a cold-hearted Creator who was distant and couldn’t care less about my desperation to belong, feel loved, and be known. To not have the opportunity to experience the gift of a friend. But some of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that we cannot find those in people because they will let us down. Human beings are naturally selfish, cruel, contradictory, tainted in sin, broken, and finite. It’s a byproduct of this fallen world we live in. We sin against and hurt people because nobody’s perfect. There are plenty of passages in the Bible that address how wicked and deceitful the human heart is. All the way from beginning to end.

Each and every time, God who was there all along and cared more and could relate more than I ever realized or imagined, kept bringing me back to Him even after much resistance and backsliding. But I thank Him for never giving up on me even when people fail me and can’t understand.

I have been learning and I’m still learning that God has indeed set me apart from everyone else even when the journey is lonely, painful, and hard to swallow and fathom. My road to sanctification is uniquely tailored and crafted, paved in such a way nobody can relate to no matter who I’m with or how many people I’m surrounded by. And I feel it will only deepen the more I journey towards that road. Though I feel lonely, I’m never truly alone.

I love what my friend Becka shared on loneliness and sanctification which hit home for me.

Written by Becka

I have this entire piece by Tozer written in the back of my Bible. Do you know something of this loneliness? I think it’s a longing for Heaven, for something deeper, something holy and not vain. Something that lasts. I think the holier a Christian becomes in sanctification, the lonelier they get because they’re pulling away from the pack, as it were, in wisdom and knowledge of God, even from those in their own circle of friends and family.

But when you meet or know someone on a similar path, it’s like coming face-to-face with a kindred spirit. Finally, someone who gets it, who understands these deep longings for God! They’re like a breath of fresh air from Glory. Now there goes a solid saint!

Ever felt that in another? I have. But O, how rare they are! It is true the deeper you get in sanctification, the lonelier you become. The only One who can relate is the Lord Jesus Himself. And as Tozer rightly assessed, it is exactly this loneliness that throws this Christian back upon God, seeking the deep fellowship that often only He can provide.

THE LONELINESS OF THE CHRISTIAN

By A.W. Tozer

The loneliness of the Christian results from His walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well from that of the unregenerate world.

His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorptions in the love of Christ; and because with his circle of friends there are few who share his inner experiences, he’s forced to walk alone.

The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord himself suffered in the same way.

The man (or woman) who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the surpreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious so he is avoided, and the gulf between him and society widens.

He searches for the friends upon those garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none, he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is the very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God, which he can find nowhere else.

“The modern philosopher had told me again and again that I was in the right place, and I had still felt depressed in acquiescence. But I had heard that I was in the wrong place, and my soul sang for joy, like a bird in spring.”-G.K. Chesterton

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”-C.S. Lewis