Healing From Past Wounds

I've been thinking about the differences between people hurting you, offending you, and disappointing you.

When somebody hurts you, they did something cruel to you without any remorse or concern. (Although you can unintentionally hurt someone with inappropriate or tactless words) When someone disappoints you, they failed to meet your expectations whether it was realistic or not. When someone offends you, they say something to ruffle your feathers or something you don't want to hear but need to. (Offenses “may” (or “may not”) be something you need to hear. Sometimes, we can be offended by truth but offenses are not always truth or something that needs to be said. (Just to clarify)) When someone has been deeply wounded by a parent or someone (Whether by mistake or on purpose) it's hard to understand the differences between the three, because our perceptions get distorted and we start viewing the way people act through those lens of a message we received in childhood.


"You're not good enough"


"You're not worthy"


"You're a failure" etc

Words cut deep like a knife and when they're not handled with care or tactfulness, they can really cause a wound or reopen it and carve it in deeper. Especially in children because their brains are still developing at a critical period. What they hear or receive, they start to believe and it shapes the way they view themselves, situations, and people around them. Hence why they may perceive an insensitive remark by their words and tone as a "personal attack" for instance and think, "they don't see me as a human being and worthy to receive love, kindness, sympathy, attention, etc."

The brain filters them and acts according to what it believes. Someone cut you off in traffic? That person thinks I'm invisible! My husband forgot our wedding anniversary? He doesn't appreciate or love me! People at church didn't greet me or acknowledge me? They see something wrong with me and want to avoid me. While these examples can anger or hurt our feelings, (understandably so) their actions and behaviors aren't always intentional (except maybe the guy in traffic). Some hurts are unintentional, misunderstood, or perceived but what hurts us more is wanting them to please us without fail more than whatever they've said or done.

It's a lesson I've learned that I can't look to people to please me because we all fail. We'll disappoint, offend, or hurt people. We've all had that happen to us too. And when our minds are not being renewed and our wounds and fears consume us, it leads to much bigger problems. Healing is a journey and there's no timeline for that. However, we are responsible for our progress and how we respond to offenses, hurts, and disappointments. No matter whether it was unintentional, misunderstood, or perceived or even intentional. Everybody is wounded and so compassion and grace is needed in all aspects. If we don't treat the root, it will grow and transfer into other areas and distort our perceptions. Self-denial, renewal, and revival brings freedom!

People are human with faulty logic, imperfections, sins, etc. We all fall short hence why grace is needed for them, and us too.... It's not easy though. There are words people said we'll never forget. Their intentions behind them makes it hurt more. We retaliate to justify our human pride, but Jesus says to not overcome evil with evil but with good. It's very difficult seeing past our reactions and responses to understand someone else-what drove them to act in a way that displeased us. And see them the way God does. (Humility)

Healing from offenses and hurts is a process. Some days are better than others but it doesn't mean you're weak. Your feelings are still valid and real even if people told you they weren't, whether it's from immaturity or out of spite or an impaired understanding. If that's happened to you, I'm very sorry it did. That person behaved poorly and not of Christ! They need the same grace we do... Healing and growth isn't easy. Being hurt requires assessment and healing. Being offended is a reaction-a choice to hang onto when someone steps on our toes, displeases us, or gives a snarky retort. Being disappointed requires examining our expectations.

Don't forget that the devil likes to use people or even our thoughts (if we’re not renewing our mind with the Word and in prayer) to poke at those areas in our life where we have past wounds or insecurities or false beliefs (yes, perhaps from our childhood or past circumstances). That’s why we need to continue to learn to see ourselves through the lens of who we now are in Christ (as we abide in Him), transformed by His truth, and surrendered to the Holy Spirit, so that our emotions and past mindsets don’t take over in those moments. It’s often easy to let our emotions control our responses and beliefs, and God through His Holy Spirit wants to change that. Are you going to let Him?

There's No Need For Revenge

Saw this posted by someone which I had to share!

Revenge does not come when you blast them on social media

When you stoop to their level

When you try to prove what kind of person they really are 

When you throw insults 

When you attempt to make them hurt the way they hurt you 

Revenge comes when God gives them a front row seat to your winning season, and they have to see that despite their best efforts to tear your down, you’re still standing. 

(Psalm 23:5) “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies…”

No need to seek revenge. 

One day, God’s going to make sure they watch.

Forgiveness

I visited a church yesterday that I've been wanting to try for months but couldn't because of covid and my messed up sleep/work schedule. I finally went and I'm so glad I did! My heart felt full and at peace when I was there, and this message was so timely and needed. Preaching was on fire! The sermon is about healing and unforgiveness. Timestamp is 23:03. I hope it blesses you like it has blessed me!

https://www.facebook.com/firstbaptistsomerset/videos/510096600907482/

No Bake Key Lime Pie

I made this yummy and tasty dessert key lime pie which is actually perfect for the summertime, and I’m proud of how this turned out! It was super easy to make and will definitely be one of my dessert staples to use.


Instructions

1 cup condensed milk
1/2 cup lime juice
8 oz container cool whip
1 graham cracker pie crust

Mix condensed milk and lime juice. Fold in cool whip. Pour into graham cracker pie crust and refrigerate overnight. Enjoy! ^_^

In The Age Of Technology And Hospitality

Written by Brittany

You all have one of those friends, right?! You know who I am talking about. That girl who is like a second mother even in her 20 something years. Whose place (dorm room, apartment, house, etc.) is always put together. If a group of 5-10 friends stop by unexpectedly, she can easily throw together a 3 course meal with what she has on hand. She is always hosting and serving.

I want to be her! Let’s be honest, I have to plan 2 days in advance before inviting people over. The dishes aren’t clean, since there are only a few of them that I own. I can normally offer people water, an egg sandwich (if the bread is not hard) or cereal. And that’s on a good day.

My roommate is one of those girls! She is the sweetest. This was something I came home to the other day when she had friends over for breakfast.



And this!



And this was for 4 people! We felt very blessed that morning 

I tend to buy and prepare just enough for myself to operate comfortably. Then scramble to make it work when other people enter into the little kingdom I call my townhome.

There is nothing inherently wrong with that. Hospitality is a spiritual gift. It does not come easily to most. So in some ways, let those with the gift use it to serve in the way that makes them happy, and honors the Lord.

But let’s not be quick to use that as a cop-out. God still calls us to be in community with each other. Hebrews 10:25 says not to give up meeting together, but encourage each other. The early church is said to have been opening up their homes to each other, sharing everything they had, and breaking bread together. There is something essential to being in each others lives and homes.

God gives each of us special gifts for reasons, but that does not mean we are meant to neglect all the other gifts. He is still molding us and growing us in all areas of life. Each spiritual gift represents another aspect of God’s character. So by pursuing these things we are bringing Him glory and reflecting Him to others. Actively pursuing things that God values reveals that we attribute value to Him. To make ourselves uncomfortable to pursue things that reflect the Lord is the ultimate evidence of surrender and humility.

And! Bonus! It’s another way to practice dependence on the Lord. I am not a patient person. But I am still called to be patient. So I have to actively depend of the Lord to help me be patient.

This week, I will admit to you all that I have not been a kind person, especially in my thoughts. But God still calls me to be kind. So I have had to depend on Him to help me lay down my sinful heart and adopt a kind spirit. I know that might sound like I am being fake to you, but it’s not. I don’t do it perfectly, but any effort that I do toward kindness was not me. It was the Lord. I have to deny my feelings and my sinful pride in order to obey the Lord.

I am not being fake. I am not being something I am not. I have been made kind in Christ. Any actions that are not kind are a result of my sin, which is no longer my identity. So denying the sin and putting on the attitude of Christ, is me pursuing who I really am. Or who I am being made into in Christ.

So what does that have to do with hospitality in my life. I am not hospitable. I am kinda selfish and like to keep my life to myself. But God has blessed me with an opportunity to serve others in hospitality. So I want to learn to take better advantage of those times and learn to depend on the Lord to help me to grow in hospitality.

God gives and takes away. He has provided time and resources to serve those around me, and He has provided people to serve. I want to take advantage of that.

Also to observe those around me who have been gifted with this. To confess and turn from resentment and envy when they do it so easily. But to really humble myself to be a learner. To ask for help. To challenge myself to things that make me uncomfortable.

In the age of pinterest and smartphones, it is easy to compare and think that we will never measure up. We will never be able to make the coolest recipe and dessert. We will never have the most adorable house to host things in. We will never have enough money to do the things we want. We will never have time to plan theme parties every weekend. But the funnest meal that I shared with people this past week was a turkey burger on a piece of bread, and some left over broccoli. It was easy and tasty. And it allowed us to all spend time and fellowship together. It didn’t have to be elaborate. But the heart behind it pointed to the provision and humility of Jesus. It was a beautiful meal, with wonderful friends.

Walking A Lonely Road

I was listening to a song by Green Day called “Boulevard of Broken Dreams,” and these lyrics have resonated more to me than ever throughout the years.

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don’t know where it goes

But it’s only me, and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the boulevard of broken dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I’m the only one, and I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone

I walk alone and I walk a…

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

Till then I walk alone

I’ve walked a lonely road for a long time and still do at times. Feel like God ordained my path a certain way just from with struggles that set me apart from the rest. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t meant to belong anywhere even when I’m surrounded by people. Every time I desperately wanted to fit in and belong to a community of people who would accept me and love me, it resulted in more loneliness and sadness.

I used to believe that God was a cold-hearted Creator who was distant and couldn’t care less about my desperation to belong, feel loved, and be known. To not have the opportunity to experience the gift of a friend. But some of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that we cannot find those in people because they will let us down. Human beings are naturally selfish, cruel, contradictory, tainted in sin, broken, and finite. It’s a byproduct of this fallen world we live in. We sin against and hurt people because nobody’s perfect. There are plenty of passages in the Bible that address how wicked and deceitful the human heart is. All the way from beginning to end.

Each and every time, God who was there all along and cared more and could relate more than I ever realized or imagined, kept bringing me back to Him even after much resistance and backsliding. But I thank Him for never giving up on me even when people fail me and can’t understand.

I have been learning and I’m still learning that God has indeed set me apart from everyone else even when the journey is lonely, painful, and hard to swallow and fathom. My road to sanctification is uniquely tailored and crafted, paved in such a way nobody can relate to no matter who I’m with or how many people I’m surrounded by. And I feel it will only deepen the more I journey towards that road. Though I feel lonely, I’m never truly alone.

I love what my friend Becka shared on loneliness and sanctification which hit home for me.

Written by Becka

I have this entire piece by Tozer written in the back of my Bible. Do you know something of this loneliness? I think it’s a longing for Heaven, for something deeper, something holy and not vain. Something that lasts. I think the holier a Christian becomes in sanctification, the lonelier they get because they’re pulling away from the pack, as it were, in wisdom and knowledge of God, even from those in their own circle of friends and family.

But when you meet or know someone on a similar path, it’s like coming face-to-face with a kindred spirit. Finally, someone who gets it, who understands these deep longings for God! They’re like a breath of fresh air from Glory. Now there goes a solid saint!

Ever felt that in another? I have. But O, how rare they are! It is true the deeper you get in sanctification, the lonelier you become. The only One who can relate is the Lord Jesus Himself. And as Tozer rightly assessed, it is exactly this loneliness that throws this Christian back upon God, seeking the deep fellowship that often only He can provide.

THE LONELINESS OF THE CHRISTIAN

By A.W. Tozer

The loneliness of the Christian results from His walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well from that of the unregenerate world.

His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorptions in the love of Christ; and because with his circle of friends there are few who share his inner experiences, he’s forced to walk alone.

The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord himself suffered in the same way.

The man (or woman) who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the surpreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious so he is avoided, and the gulf between him and society widens.

He searches for the friends upon those garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none, he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is the very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God, which he can find nowhere else.

“The modern philosopher had told me again and again that I was in the right place, and I had still felt depressed in acquiescence. But I had heard that I was in the wrong place, and my soul sang for joy, like a bird in spring.”-G.K. Chesterton

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”-C.S. Lewis

A True Christian Is A Growing Christian

 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.”-Matthew 7:24

“Disciples are called to a level deeper than knowledge. They are called to practice what they know. Jesus is not just calling us to come to Him, He is calling us to GO and DO.”

“Jesus wants us to build our lives on Him because that’s the only way to truly live. Jesus isn’t laying burdens on our shoulders too heavy to carry. He is laying a foundation for our lives too strong to move.”

This quote came from my pastor on the Sermon of the Mount series he’s been preaching for a while.

I’m participating in a bible study at church on Follow Me by David Platt, we’ve just started and so far it’s pretty good. I’ve been pondering and meditating a lot evidenced from my posts about comparison, identity, and the love of Christ. In addition to Follow Me and going over the Sermon of the Mount, I’ve also been studying Romans in Sunday school class, and what I find neat is that they all come together to share the significance of the Gospel invitation of true, abundant living. I didn’t realize the pieces sowing together until one day it just dawned on me.

The freedom there is as we walk in His ways, on the narrow road, dying to sin and flesh as we continue this personal and relational journey we have to knowing more of our Triune God. How it’s supposed to change us and the way we live. Our attitudes, thoughts, feelings, and actions should align to what we’re being taught. James 1:22 says, “Be doers of the Word and not hearers only, otherwise you’re deceiving yourself.”

If there is no change taking place in your life, I would begin to question if you really have an authentic relationship with Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. If you’re not interested in knowing Him more, wanting to live for Him in submission and obedience to His will, and the things of Him. And instead are more interested in rebelling against His ways by chasing after temporary pleasures and comforts of this world to satisfy you, staying complacent, and not even trying or wanting to pursue Him and His kingdom, there’s a problem.

The evidences you should be displaying if you’re a true, born again Christian is the fruit you cultivate overtime. The fruits listed in Galatians 5:22. These fruits don’t grow overnight. They are carefully nurtured, watered, and grown with great care. A Christian’s life is marked by their sanctification, a process of growing more to be like Christ. It is the Holy Spirit who does the job of sanctifying as you renew your mind through reading and hearing the Word of God, and obeying what it says. That change is evidenced by a personal and relational journey we have with our God and Savior. Time will tell and the fruit is our outward display of a changed heart within.

As I look back on my life, I shudder at how I acted towards people, the things I’ve said, and things I’ve done that I’m not proud of. I was so immature and self-centered. Quite frankly, I’ve still got a long ways to go. But, I can say with certainty that I’m not where I used to be and I thank God for that. For being so patient and loving towards me as He grew seeds planted in my heart, that became softened and tendered. Producing blossoms that represented my spiritual infancy stages and maturing into deliciously ripe fruit.

Again, I still have a long ways to go. To rip apart and forsake idols, tempting desires, and fleeting pleasures of this world that sit on the throne of my heart instead of my Master, Savior, and King who reigns and should be supreme in my life.

Oh how I fall short of this and slip up. It becomes so easy to compare, to want, and be more so my pride gets all the glory. That very same pride which led Lucifer to rebel and be kicked out from heaven. There is only one who deserves all the praise, honor, and glory. And that is my amazing and awesome God. 

The more we live in surrendered lives to God, submitting to Him and dying to ourselves, the more freedom, joy, peace, love, fulfillment, and abundance there is and the more satisfying and rewarding our lives will be. That is what God wants for all of us. Dying to self-sin actually means stripping ourselves from the things that destroy us and finding new life. And following our Savior will lead us more on that path.

These truths are so beautiful, powerful, convicting, and rewarding despite the challenges it brings. Great lessons and reminders we need to be instilling in our lives if we’re going to keep growing as disciples.