Be A Warrior Woman, Not A Wounded One

Written by Cindi McMenamin

Are you a wounded woman or a warrior woman? I can help you be the latter.

But first, I had to get beyond being the former.

Any of us can easily become a wounded woman… without even thinking about it.

Hurtful remarks from others, stolen dreams, disappointments in relationships, or just a circumstance in life that seems unfair can make us cower in feelings of weakness and failure. Add wounds from our childhood to that and we’re all a Class Act Mess.

But you and I don’t have to live that way any longer.

Scripture says if we are followers of Christ, our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against "the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).

That tells me we are to be warriors… not women who cower in our wounds. Scripture exhorts us in Ephesians 6:10-11 to "be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power" and to "put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." Then as we're given details in how to put on those pieces of armor, we're told to take the shield of faith "with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one" (verse 16).

I started thinking about how many of us fall prey to the flaming arrows or "fiery darts" of the enemy because we believe his lies:

No one will ever really love you.

You are a pathetic example of a mom.  

Your husband doesn’t really love you; he’s just going through the motions.

You call yourself a child of God? Just look at the way you behave! 

You should be ashamed of all that is in your past. 

Everyone knows what a fake and phony you are. Just give it up! 

You can never live a life of meaning and purpose, so don't even try. 

Those fiery darts pierce our hearts, they stab our minds, they condition our thinking. They convince us that God's words are lies and the enemy's words (sometimes our thoughts and sometimes actual words spoken to us through other people) are true.

But Scripture tells us to put on the armor of God as a defense against these lies, accusations and fiery darts.

For years, I wondered what the analogy meant and how to actually suit up in the armor of God. Then my husband, a pastor, explained it in a Bible study one evening. He pointed out that every piece of armor symbolizes Christ in some way. And therefore, putting on the armor of God is synonymous with clothing yourself in the character of Jesus Christ, or simply abiding in Him. Here is what that looks like:

We are to fasten the belt of truth around our waist, which means to know at the core of our being that Jesus is the truth. Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6).

We are to wear the breastplate of righteousness, meaning we are to cover our hearts with Christ who is called "The Lord our Righteousness" in Jeremiah 23:6.

We are to take up the shield of faith in order to extinguish those fiery darts from the enemy. Psalm 84:11 tells us "The Lord is a sun and shield..." and Christ is the object of our faith.

We are to put on the helmet of salvation by guarding our heads and minds with Christ because Acts 4:12 says "Salvation is found in no one else."

We are to take the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God – and John 1:14 tells us Jesus is the Word made flesh.

When the enemy starts shooting his fiery darts at your heart and mind, making you think you are defeated, don’t shrink from the attack. Don’t become a wounded woman, who falls prey to his lies, accusations, and schemes. Instead, be a warrior woman. Know the truth of who you are and the power of Christ in you.  Stand firm, clothed in Christ by abiding in the character and identity of Jesus Christ.

The easiest way for me to remember to suit up each day is to pray through those pieces of armor as I’m getting dressed. As I’m putting on my clothes, I ask God to clothe me with His character, wrap me up in His truth, cover my heart with His righteousness, guard my mind with His salvation and so on. And to keep me focused on the war I’m in, I spend time in His presence, praising Him for who He is (a mental reminder that He is God and bigger than any problem or pain in my life), reading His Word (and getting His advice for the day instead of the world’s) and listening for His voice (which will remind me who my commanding officer is – the King of Kings, not my fears, doubts, wounds, or regrets).

Can you face each day with a clear reminder of who you really are in Christ Jesus? If so, you will live as a warrior woman, not a wounded one. So, suit up. Wield your sword like Xena the Warrior princess. And take on the world as a warrior!

How I Forgave The "Undeserving"

So, this is a follow up to a previous post on how I found closure from a sexual predator and it wasn't an easy journey at all because of all that he's done without any remorse and he's gotten away from consequences, but what I can say is through my experience in this, it has really shaped me and helped me come out stronger. What used to be consuming bitterness and intense rage is now a transformation of peace and contentment in my heart humming a quiet melody and a joyful tune in my spirit. I don't say this to brag or boast but to share how God helped me to move forward in freedom and forgiveness. But first, I wanted to address some things....

If you're finding it challenging and difficult to forgive anybody for their mistreatment or offense, I can relate. I don't think anyone can say they've never had to forgive someone for a wrongdoing. It's so easy to harbor unforgiveness and a bitter spirit towards people who've wronged us or hurt us without any remorse. Especially when they're living a decent life while we suffer deep wounds that takes time to heal. As a Christian, it's really hard to show them love and mercy as they continue with their lives unrepentant and escaping consequences. And in our bitterness, we try to justify our unwillingness to forgive and holding a grudge towards the "undeserving". 

I don't know what you consider to be undeserving, but what comes to my mind when I think of it are rapists, child molesters, abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists. But I can't think of anyone worse than a sexual predator who's fully aware of their actions and uses the Bible and "spirituality" to prey on the vulnerable. This predator that I speak of has done terrible things to vulnerable underage girls and adult women, and sexually assaulted/raped one of them (that I know of). He's preyed on females who were sexually abused as children, have trauma and insecurities, chronic illnesses, anything that makes a person an easy target for grooming and abuse. All under the guise of "Christianity". I was one of his targets that he hurt and was consumed by rage towards him. The bitterness and hatred ate me alive for nearly two or three years and it felt impossible to forgive him because I wasn't seeing justice. And what made it more challenging was hearing people dismiss and minimize his actions by saying "he didn't know any better" "he can't help it" "this boy has obviously been hurt hence why he's hurting others, have mercy on him." 

Unfortunately, there are many people who say flippant things like that because they lack wisdom and discernment. While it's true this predator boy (he's not a man) has been hurt in the past, in no way does it minimize his actions and diminish accountability. If people can't understand this, then it would be best for them to keep quiet. 

"When a fool speaks, he is ruining himself; he gets caught in the trap of his own words."-Proverbs 18:7 

However, in many cases of predation or people being cruel to others, it is tied to them having a broken past and not being healed from that. For instance, that predator from my situation was abandoned by his biological dad when he was a baby, and his stepdad molested him in elementary but even after he summoned the courage at 8 or 9 years old, to tell a school counselor what happened and got his stepdad in jail, he unfortunately chose to become a ruthless, sexual predator following in the footsteps of his biological father who is incarcerated for raping and murdering a teenage girl, and his stepdad by preying on children, teens, and adults despite knowing the horrific things they've done that his biological mom told him. But despite seeing a therapist, having a loving and nurturing mother, and a foster family who loved him and supported him for a portion of his teenage years after his mom suffered a back injury and a nervous breakdown, and even kept him after he aged out of the system, he still chose to become an abuser. 

He's even admitted that his past doesn't excuse his sadistic behavior, pedophilia, and predatory abuse and instead wants to help broken people and grow with them because he's a "child of God" or was "purged from sin by God" yet consistently carried out his abuse with more clever and disguised methods to improve his craft of deception. And gave a sob story each time to justify his actions when called out. 

"Everybody has a sob story, but that doesn't give anyone a right to be a bully."-Samantha Larusso

People like him *know* what they're doing is wrong, otherwise, why would they try to hide it and use shame and scare tactics to keep their victims quiet if they "didn't know it was wrong?"  It doesn't matter if they were groomed or conditioned at an early age by an abuser, they could stop if they really wanted to, but many of them don't want to. They're too weak and afraid to get help and healing and because they can't hurt their abuser, they take it out on the vulnerable. Not everyone who's been abused becomes an abuser, I'm a part of a sexual abuse support group where I help support male and female survivors and they're doing their best to find joy and healing despite their upbringing and constant flashbacks or nightmares. And they try to support one another. Some of their stories are absolutely heartbreaking but they are brave warriors and inspire me. It goes to show that people *do* in fact have a choice on how to live their lives regardless of what's happened to them that they didn't choose. 

"Sometimes, it’s the people who have been hurt the most who refuse to be hardened in this world, because they would never want to make another person feel the same way they have felt. If that isn’t something to be in awe of, I don’t know what is."-Bianca Sparacino 

"I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that"-Robin Williams

This is why I had such a difficult time forgiving him. That combined with a lack of justice for his victims made it extremely challenging. It seemed so unfair that he got justice from his stepdad but his victims didn't get justice from him. But although justice serves a purpose, it doesn't fully heal the wound. Many victims of child sex abuse or sexual assault/rape still deal with deep scars from the wounds their perpetrator gave them, even if or after they're behind bars. Their wounds continue to linger throughout their lives and in worse cases, they go from victim to being a perpetrator. Once again, past wrongs/abuse doesn't justify, excuse, or minimize evil behavior. No matter their background, they are conscious of choosing between right and wrong. Selfishness wears a mask called blame and that's exactly what they're doing. 

People like that will never feel true remorse and want to change unless something extremely drastic happens to them or they get handed over to the authorities (Ephesians 6:12, 1 Corinthians 5:5). They'll never change on their own even with extensive psychological help. They delight in their sickness and evil. Abusers, especially sexual predators, are *always* willing to reoffend even when they're in prison. Once they're released on "good behavior" they go on to seek more victims. They *know* how sick and twisted they are, have accepted it, and are enjoying it. It gives them dominance and control. Their cruelty is their weapon to unleash those and get high off of it.  

If you're still reading, thank you lol! It was important for me to address what appears to be ignorance and misunderstanding regarding abusive perpetrators because so many are clueless on how to respond to help victims and dismissively reduce cruel behavior even if they don't mean to. It's crucial to be informed to love and support victims without minimizing wrongdoing. And understand perpetrators to gain awareness to protect others. There is nothing worse or more shameful than using God's name as a cover to prey on the vulnerable and gratify their sexual appetites and urge for power/dominance. 

In my journey of forgiving the predator, it required a lot of meditating and dwelling on the good things in life. Renewing my mind through Scripture, playing worship music, and meditating on the gospel, rehearsing that over and over consistently. Forgiveness isn't an overnight process. Forgiving someone who mistreated you and isn't sorry can make it seem like you're letting them off the hook and giving them more power, but actually it does the opposite! It frees you from holding onto a grudge which is keeping you in bondage to bitterness and hatred. Unforgiveness makes you feel more powerful than your offender, but in reality, it's making you weaker and the longer you stay there, the stronger it gets and consumes you. 

While it's tempting to wish the person harm as "payback" for the hurt they've caused, understand that it does more damage to your soul and well-being when you refuse to extend forgiveness. The parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35 is a good example of what happens when you refuse to forgive someone. Forgiveness does NOT make what they did acceptable or minimize their actions, instead, it liberates you from being enslaved to that person and harboring destructive negativity that accomplishes nothing except more stress, misery, and delayed healing. Why do you want that? Rather than waste your time and energy on something or someone you can't change, use it to help others going through similar issues and find freedom and healing. It is possible!

Forgiveness is more for you than the other person. That person I assure you does not care in the slightest over what they did. And most likely they never will, and that's their choice. But you get to decide on whether you're going to end up like them and seek pleasure from hurting people or "retribution" or be healed and move forward. I know it's not easy! You may not believe that God genuinely cares otherwise He wouldn't have allowed this person to escape freely while you're hurt. I understand that. If you're thinking about renouncing your faith, I strongly encourage you to take a break from Christianity and church. Use that time to really explore why you believe what you believe in, pursue hobbies, find new interests, take classes, study different religions/beliefs, join a book club, exercise more, volunteer, etc. Don't let bitterness and anger at injustice consume you and cause you to lose sight of joy. That was my mistake and I paid for it dearly. 

It might be a challenge if you're the type who obsesses and ruminates about events out of your control, in my case it was lack of justice and evidence of a sovereign Creator doing anything about it while the predator appeared to be rewarded and let go freely. If you struggle with "letting go" of situations that aren't ideal or going your way, there could be a deeper issue you need to address with help from a therapist, your pastor, or a close friend. There are ways you can prevent rumination from overpowering you so you can live freely. Here are two articles with tips on how to cope with obsessive thinking tied to control and fear of powerlessness. 

https://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/stress/how-to-stop-ruminating

https://www.verywellmind.com/rumination-why-do-people-obsess-over-things-3144571

You may say, "Yeah, but you don't understand the wound or the injustice of it all!" I may not, but God does. He sees all and knows all, and He won't be mocked. People reap what they sow in due time. (Galatians 6:7-8, Proverbs 22:8) That's a fact. It may not seem like it now, but I promise you they will not get off very easily. This isn't saying that you should rejoice at their downfall, however. No! That would be a grave mistake. (Proverbs 24:17-18) That is putting yourself in bondage to that person where your happiness is anchored to the effects of their consequences. As a true child of God, your happiness comes from Jesus Christ alone. He is your everlasting well of joy, peace, assurance, and security. You can trust Him to take care of it and deal with that person. Our job as Christians is to forgive those who wronged us, like God commands us to because He's forgiven us for our transgressions against Him. We're called to live our lives set apart to demonstrate that love and forgiveness He's given us so we could extend that to others-in order that they would come to know God and have a relationship with Him. God is merciful (Psalm 103, Ephesians 2:4-5, Exodus 34:6-7) but He doesn't take injustice lightly either. (Romans 12:19-21, 2 Thessalonians 1:6, Colossians 3:25)

The best way to overcome a bitter and hateful spirit is to pray for that person. Pray for their salvation, pray that their eyes would be opened to the truth of the gospel, pray for yourself as well, that He would give you His strength through His grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) to genuinely forgive the person without wishing them harm. Even if you have to do so with anger in your heart towards that person. It's okay to be angry at injustice and suffering as long as it's not consuming you. (Ephesians 4:26-27) Pray for healing and restoration for you and anyone hurt by that person. This will NOT guarantee your offender will come to Christ. They have a choice to either repent and accept His Lordship in their lives, or reject Him and continue their depravity. Though it seems like God is allowing the wicked to succeed, they're actually storing up for themselves God's wrath on judgement day. 

"But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed" -Romans 2:25

Those people will get what they deserve. Jesus died for them just like He died for you, their sin nailed Him to the cross, just like yours did. Same applies to everyone else. Sin is sin, God hates it all. He does NOT bless sin. It's against His nature. (Proverbs 24:20, Romans 8:7-9, Psalm 1) Remember, God has given people free will. You cannot blame God for evil that He didn't cause. He's not sitting idly by oblivious to wrongdoings and suffering. Whatever they did to you or anyone else was more against God since we're all made in His image so in reality, their offense they've committed no matter how grievous it was is actually more against Him. (Leviticus 6:2) He will not let the wicked go unpunished. (Proverbs 11:21) Let God deal with that person, He can pay them back, or deal with them way better than you or anyone else ever could. Trust Him to do it. He knows whether they'll truly repent and turn to Him or be turned over to their reprobate mind.

If you're using "well, I don't want this person to receive God's salvation because then God will continue to absolve them from consequences and bless them because His grace covers all sin." As an excuse to not pray for their soul, understand that is a wrong attitude to have along with a misguided understanding or ignorance of Scriptures. NOBODY gets away with anything. Yes, when a person repents and accepts Jesus, their sin is wiped away and their eternity is with God, but their consequences won't be erased on Earth. They'll have to live with them however that looks like. The Apostle Paul murdered countless Christians before he converted. He had to deal with that for the rest of his life and wasn't welcomed or accepted by many because of his reputation. He also had to deal with consequences from disobeying the Holy Spirit at one time, and was persecuted, imprisoned, and beaten for his faith but died for the gospel and met his King and Savior in the end. 

There's also judgement day where everyone will have to give an account for their lives on Earth and be repaid accordingly. Justice will be delivered in the end whether that's paid for on the cross or banished in hell separated from God for all eternity. (2 Corinthians 5:10, Revelation 20:11–15)

God has your best interests at heart and will not let your pain go to waste. He will use it to grow you and enable you to help others with the knowledge and wisdom you've gained, and become stronger. Don't let someone's misery and hatred cause you to be at their level. Rise above that by becoming the complete opposite! With God, you truly can and it will be evident by how you live. 

In a weird way, I'm thankful to have experienced the pain (not the abuse) because it's really opened my eyes to things about God's Word that I never considered or knew about. I mean, it's so easy to take it for granted or dismiss questions people in the Bible had when they weren't seeing justice because I didn't experience it for myself. But now that I have, it's enabled me to sit alongside people who've been through this and build community and strengthen bonds. There really is beauty from ashes when we allow transformation to take place. 

It is only by His supernatural grace that I could forgive him and I rejoice in my God and Savior for delivering me from that bondage. I knew that my bitterness and hurt was growing bigger than something I could control or get rid of myself, which is why only God could have delivered me from it. I felt free and clean inside again. Those old feelings don’t rise up inside me anymore. The freedom and joy I have now is incredible and the more I continue to walk in it, the more it'll naturally flow within me and be evident on the surface. 

The more I prayed for this person, the more I experienced healing and freedom. And joy and assurance that God's working things out. I've written a closure letter to the predator you can read here, which played a part in helping me move forward. It served as a great outlet and burned away some of my negativity towards him. You may never get closure from the person who hurt you, but your worth and value isn't contingent upon receiving acknowledgement or an apology. You're worth more than that. 

That person you hate needs Jesus just as much as everybody else. Frankly, none of us are "deserving" of His grace and mercy. It's a very humbling statement and the more you meditate on these things, the more freedom you will find because it changes not only your perspective, but also your heart. 

When you have a true relationship with Jesus, you will no longer be slaves to bitterness and anger. You may still hurt but it's okay to be. Healing is a process that takes time. In some cases, it's a lifelong journey. But praise God this world we live in isn't our true home. Our true home is heaven on the new Earth where everything will be made new, all sin and pain will be erased, and we'll be given new bodies free from suffering. Until then, let's continue to walk together living our lives with abundant joy and forgiveness in our hearts. Helping one person at a time, one day at a time. When you hear about that person or think about them and don't wish them harm, you'll know that you're free. And it's a huge blessing. 

Here are some additional resources if needed to help you heal and move forward. 

My Closure Journey From A Toxic Predator

Becoming Stronger

Living Life To The Full

Don't Get Even By Becoming A Jerk

Releasing Forgiveness

Unforgiveness

There's No Need To Seek Revenge

The Root of Bitterness

People's Wrongdoings Never Validate Ours

Loving The "Unlovable"

Pray For Your Enemies

Who Are My Enemies?

The Enemies We Wrestle With

Bless Your Enemies

How Your Enemies Can Actually Bless and Humble You

I Will Never Forgive Them For What They Did-Never!

Showing Mercy To Those Who Don't Deserve It

How To Treat Our Enemies When They're Undeserving 

Moving Forward

Moving On

Identity in Christ + Armor of God

Be A Warrior Woman, Not A Wounded One

Showing Mercy To Those Who Don't "Deserve It"

Written by Charles Stanley 

No matter how terrible the acts committed against us were, God requires that we show mercy. For our good and His glory, He wants us to give up the “right” to punish those who hurt us.

Ephesians 4:30-32, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

When I tell people who have been ill-treated that full healing requires forgiving their abuser, many will argue, “You don’t understand the hurt I’ve endured.” They’re right. But a bitter spirit, like cancer, penetrates every part of our life. Anger and resentment are symptoms that cannot be pushed away and ignored. They spill out, harming relationships and leading to risky decisions.

Withholding forgiveness may feel as if we’re punishing the offender. But people cannot take revenge on one another without destroying themselves. That’s why the Lord calls us to follow His example of extending grace to all (Eph. 4:32). Since God has pardoned us so generously, we shouldn’t withhold forgiveness from others. When someone hurts us, we may feel that person doesn’t deserve pardon, but neither are we deserving of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

Crucifixion was slow and agonizing, but Jesus’ worst torment occurred when the sin of the world was laid on Him and His Father turned away (Matt. 27:46). Still, as the crowd cast lots for His garments, Jesus gave us the best possible example of forgiveness by saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). I may not know your pain, but I assure you that Jesus does. With His infinite love and gentleness, He’ll help you overcome hurt, anger, and bitterness.

Forgiveness is a choice—an act of service to the Lord, a witness to the person who inflicted our pain, and a necessary step in our healing. No matter how terrible the acts committed against us were, God requires that we show mercy. For our good and His glory, He wants us to give up the “right” to punish those who hurt us.

Just Because Someone Was A Jerk, Doesn't Mean You Have To Be

Here's a post I read that my friend re shared from someone on her timeline. (Words in red mine)

"Happy people don’t go around intentionally making others miserable. They just don’t. They don’t tear down, or pick fights, or create drama where there is none to be made. They don’t wish bad on others, or belittle. I used to think it was my job to “win” with people who’d been rude. I 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 respond to negative comments, and I 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 try to change people’s minds, and then one day I thought “what the hell am I doing? I’m doing exactly what they want. This isn’t revenge. This is me falling into their trap. Shame on me.” 

I don’t try to get back at people anymore. It’s such a waste—of my time, of my energy, of my thoughts. Nah...you can go ahead. I can’t control you. I’m just going to be over here drinking my healthy, mood boosting coffee living my life for me if you need me.

I’m gonna choose grace. I'm gonna chase gratitude. I’m gonna bring joy to the table. I’m gonna reach for hope. I’m gonna run with faith. I’m gonna guard my heart, and I’m gonna protect my peace. I’m gonna dream, I’m gonna do good, and I’m gonna be kind. I’m gonna encourage, and I’m gonna uplift others and I can’t do that if I get down on their level. 

I’m gonna do what God’s asked me to do, and I’m gonna keep my thoughts on Him, which is exactly where they belong. 

I hope you’ll follow suit and let it go, cause there is absolutely no happiness to be found in anger, bitterness, jealousy, and hate. None. 

Maybe they don’t deserve it, but YOU do. Life is so short, and it’s so easy to waste it dwelling on BS. Spread light, and if other people don’t like it, get so loud you can’t hear them anymore. 

Honestly, The best thing you can do is to pray for them. They must be going through something to be in such a negative place. So you can either extend hurt, or you can extend mercy, but you can’t do both. Please don’t jump in the ring and continue the cycle of negativity. Don’t play the game. Don’t do that to your own heart. Don’t do that to the others. There’s no glory there, and I know that’s not who you are."

#breakthecycle

Here's a picture from a page that I follow which I thought goes nicely with this. 

"Jesus separated Himself from the Father by going to the cross and suffering so you wouldn't have to."

Just because you were hurt or abused by somebody, doesn't justify your seeking revenge on others or becoming a jerk/abuser

A Proper Identity From John 1: John The Baptist

Written by Craig Griebel

If there is one question that most everyone deals with at some time in their life it is this: who am I? Am I simply what others tell me I am? Am I just the product of how I have been raised? Perhaps my genetics are all that make me who I am? Who am I? We struggle with this question our entire lives and feel that we can never find an answer. I remember walking the parking lot of Amarillo College asking myself that simple question. Who am I? In a way, I tried to answer that question myself. Perhaps I could be defined by my accomplishments, friendships, grades, relationships, or really anything that could just simply tell me who I was. However, God had a different answer. He slowly took away the things that I believed could define me until I was left with one simple deduction: I am simply His adopted son. Yet, even after knowing this answer, I still sometimes question exactly who I am. Luckily, one man in the Bible seems to really understand the meaning of this question and will be able to help us answer it in a God centered way.

John the Baptist is the child of Mary’s sister, Elizabeth (making him Jesus’ first cousin). John has a pretty special calling on his life and actually was given that calling before he was even conceived (see Luke 1 for more details). John grew up to be quite the prophet. When we enter John 1, we see that he is in the wilderness baptizing people and telling them to repent. Many of you may know that story but have you ever realized what happened when John’s ministry began to grow? People started thinking that he was more than a prophet, perhaps the Messiah himself. Priests and Pharisees began sending men to him to simply ask the question: who are you? John 1:20 tells us: “He did not refuse to answer, but he declared: ‘I am not the Messiah.’” The chapter continues with them asking more questions about who John is. Perhaps he is the great prophet Elijah, returning to help the Messiah banish the Roman Government. Perhaps he is the great prophet that Moses predicted in Dt. 18:15. Finally, John just gives them an answer: “I am a voice of one crying out in the wilderness: make straight the way of the Lord – just as Isaiah the prophet said.” (John 1:23) John had a proper grasp on who he was in the midst of people trying to basically tell him he was the Messiah. He didn’t react in pride and accept their praise, but instead knew exactly who he was.

And this is something that just amazes me. John had such an awesome grip on who he was that he didn’t become cocky and arrogant when people thought he was the chosen Messiah himself. Because in my life, when people praise me it is easy to get a big head. It would be easy for John to just say: “Yep, I’m the Messiah.” It would even be even easier for him to say: “I am God’s head honcho right now, the prophet he promised to make a way. You better listen!” But no, this guy just quotes a passage of Isaiah and simply continues doing exactly what God calls him to do. In fact, he is so secure in continuing to proclaim the message of repentance and preparation that one day he ends up being killed for his words (see Matthew 14). What exactly did this guy understand to give him such a firm grasp on who he was?

I’ll tell you what I think was different about John: he had a firm grasp on who God was. He had his eyes set on Jesus and because of that, he had a perfect understanding of who he truly was. In fact, we see that in John 1:29, John the Baptist sees Jesus coming in the distance and says: “Here is the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world!” He was looking for Jesus and his life was centered on Him. So this then makes us question ourselves: What are we focusing on?

Because this is the surest way to find out what you are putting your identity in. If you are focusing on your girlfriend or boyfriend, you will build your identity upon that person. If you are focusing on your troubles, your troubles will begin to define you. Perhaps you are centered on your career, schooling, or intelligence. Those things will then become exactly who you see yourself as. But here is the problem: what happens when God takes those things away from your life like He did for me? Then who are you? See, that is why we must focus on Jesus! He is the only thing that is constant in our lives! He is the only basis of identity that never changes! How awesome is that?

So who am I? Well, I am a child of God! Who am I? I am saved by a grace that is simply amazing, allowing me to be adopted into the kingdom of Heaven? Who am I? I am a new creation, and the old things I have done that I regret no longer define me! Wow, could I ask for a better identity than that? And so I must remain focused on Him. For when my eyes are upon Him I have no doubt as to who I am!

Not Letting What We Do Define Us

In a society where we constantly compare ourselves to people on social media and real life, it's easy to feel bombarded by expectations of others to do more and be more to be successful, popular, or well-liked. 

Numerous times in the past, I remember finding myself in "What career/ major/ degree I need to achieve" to be successful in my eyes and in others. And I'll just be honest and say that none of that really matters without knowing God's purpose for your life. Because you can be rich, successful, famous, and have everything you could imagine wanting and achieving in life, but if you don't know Jesus and have a personal relationship with Him, you won't be living fully and freely. 

Whether it's homemaking, DIY projects, hobbies, sports, writing, blogging, etc. Ask yourself this question, "Who am I doing this for?" Because it's easy to get lost in the pressure of doing to impress people and be wrapped up in trying to define ourselves by what we do or think we should be doing, rather than aiming to please and serve God with our time, gifts, talents, passions, interests, resources, and ambition. 

When we aim to please the Lord by serving people around us and serving Him, we find more joy, peace, and fulfillment in our lives and it's more evident in our attitudes and how we treat people. All of that stemming from knowing who God is and who we are in Him who gives us our identity. And when we are confident and assured of our proper identity, opinions from people and ourselves won't really matter in the end. Watch this video below to understand more about not letting what we do define us.

Focusing on Faith in Healing

I can remember times in my life where I questioned God for unanswered healing in my body when I was going through terrible insomnia and physical pain issues that resulted from an incident in college. No matter what my doctor, chiropractor, and medications did, it didn't fix the problems. It was one of the most challenging and frustrating times I went through. There are well-meaning Christians (particularly in the Charismatic/Pentecostal movement) who are extremely passionate about preaching on healing and believing miracles and exclaim if you're not healed it's because you lack faith, but that's only partially correct as I have known sick people who genuinely loved the Lord and had faith yet they never received healing for their disease or physical pain. But many are quite dismissive of that fact and love to quote Isaiah 53:5 and 1 Peter 2:24 which declare that by His stripes (Jesus) we are healed, but that's referring to spiritual healing (salvation and freedom from sin) more than physical healing. 

We have to remember that we live in a fallen world where diseases and pain exist as a result of sin and it's curse. Yes, God can heal if He wanted to but He doesn't always deliver healing on Earth. Sometimes, that healing occurs after the person has passed away and is in heaven. This isn't about whether He "can" heal, but rather does He "want" to heal? Like Luke 22:42 says, "Not my will, but your will be done." Not everyone gets healed from cancer, blindness, or whatever ailment is out there. Here's a well-written post by a friend of mine on healing. 

Written by Craig Griebel

I have a pretty skeptical mind. I really can't deny that. I feel that this sometimes makes it difficult to have the faith in God that I truly should have. This rings even more true when looking at the topic of God being a Healer. Now, I was raised in a charismatic church - meaning that I have been taught that God can heal every disease imaginable if we have the right amount of faith. And to be honest, as the skeptic I have always had a hard time truly having faith in God for this matter. Fast forward to a year ago when I'm diagnosed with kidney malfunctions - now the concept of God being a healer is more relevant than ever before. Now I need Him more than ever before. And that is what basically started this series - a need for me personally to look at faith and challenge myself to truly "Let go and Let God" have it.

There are really three main schools of thought concerning the healing nature of God. The first is that God can heal every disease and will heal it if we only have faith. The second is that God has the ability to heal every disease but often He chooses not to in order for us to grow in our walk with Him. The third is quite simply that God no longer gives physical healing - that is only something He did in the past to help the apostles spread the Gospel all over the world. I really don't write this note to get in an argument over which of these is correct - and I think to focus on this as an argument would ruin the whole concept of the series which is making all of this practical. But I do write this as much as a confession to myself as a help to other people: my God still has the ability to heal diseases. The "problem" is that God simply does not always see everything in the same light I do.

"'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways.' This is the LORD's declaration. 'For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.'" (Isaiah 55:8-9). This passage is a humbling one for me - one that constantly kicks me in the butt. For you see, I work in health care and I see a lot of broken people. I see people that have stories which are more depressing than a Life Time movie. I look at these people and think: "God, why? Why do they have to be so broken? Why do you allow them such hurt? If you can heal, why don't you?" And this is where I become even more humbled - because occasionally I feel that He answers.

I feel the first answer is this: have you prayed for them? Has anyone bridged the gap and spent time actually interceding for this person. Too often I feel the answer is no. Again, I'm not trying to say that God automatically heals every disease when we pray but I do feel He would move a heck of a lot more if we actually, truly interceded. "The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful." (James 5:15-16) How often do I actually spend time in prayer and fasting for those that are sick? How often do I pray and fast to intercede for the lost? So often I just utter the phrase: "I'll be praying for you" and never seek God in the matter again. 

I had a patient a while back come in with some severe foot pain from a knee surgery that basically severed her nerves. The surgeon told her to expect a year of severe burning in her foot - and she came to the clinic in some of the worst pain I have ever seen. As I was talking to her about this condition one day, I told her that simple phrase: "I'll be praying for you". Suddenly, God convicted me - why not just pray for her then? She had stated she had faith in Christ so I asked her on the spot in that treatment room: "Do you mind if I pray?" After agreeing, I said a simple prayer of healing. My faith wasn't somehow super powered - it was a prayer of seeing someone broken and knowing I serve a mighty God. She left that day and when she returned a few days later told me she had no longer had any nerve pain. Months later she came back to the clinic for another condition and told me she still hasn't had nerve pain since the time we prayed. How life was different for this lady because God finally was able to break through the stubbornness and embarrassment in my heart to finally have me intercede for her on the spot.

However, that is not to say God always answers positively in our request for healing. Sometimes I feel He does say no to our petitions. Paul experienced this very sensation when he prayed for God to lift a "thorn of his flesh" off of him. Paul speaks of this matter in 2 Corinthians when he states: "Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it (the problem Paul was having) away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'" (2 Corinthians 12:8-9) At times God does say "no". At times God does say "not now". The secret in faith is to not let your belief be destroyed in the times he does say no. The secret in faith is being content with whatever God's will is. And this can be hard when we see suffering. However, suffering is temporary while joy is eternal. Those aren't empty words - they are promises.

Indeed, God does still heal. However, God doesn't take orders from me. But I dare not take that fact and use it as an excuse. I have failed when it comes to truly interceding for others. I have failed when it comes to truly declaring the healing abilities of God. I have failed in trying to make God less supernatural than he truly is. I need to work on my faith in this matter. But it is encouraging to look and see that God still uses a failure like me. It is encouraging to see that God still moves through our prayers. And I pray it is encouraging to you to know that you truly can still have faith in a God who has the ability to heal our diseases.

"Immediately the father of the boy cried out, 'I do believe! Help my unbelief.' When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly coming together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, 'You mute and deaf spirit, I command you: come out of him and never enter him again!' Then it came out." Mark 9:24-26

God Gave Me My Heart's Desire + Removing Idols

What's an idol? It is something that you crave, want, enjoy, and are satisfied by anything more than God. It can be food, a nice house, marriage, achievements, success, revenge, etc. Even though most of these things are harmless and aren't sinful by default, it becomes an idol of worship when we think about anything or anyone more than we lift up our worship and devotion to God in our heart, thoughts, and lifestyle. 

God is a jealous God and does not want to be second place in our lives. (Exodus 34:14) It's a command that He takes very seriously and all throughout Scripture, it shows what happens when people turn to idolatry and worship themselves above their Creator. It never ends well. Psalm 115 is a good chapter to read regarding futility of idols and their trustworthiness. 

Here's a video I stumbled upon after listening to my pastor's message from Sunday morning since I wasn't there in church. It's very encouraging and my prayer is that it will bless anyone who watches it. 

And here's another video that Pastor Josh from my church did on a Wednesday evening bible study explaining how to live a life set apart from loving the world and the things in it to loving the LORD truly in our hearts. 

Cinnamon Bread

Photo location: Pakistan

If you ever invite neighbors or friends into your home for holidays or any occasion, this delicious cinnamon bread will be a crowd pleaser and make your kitchen and home smell inviting with the lovely scent of cinnamon all around. Nikole Hahn, a missionary, shared this recipe which has become a tradition in Pakistan. The recipe video is 1 minute long. 

If you live at high altitude, you can click here to make adjustments. Baking time, temperatures, and ingredients might need to be adjusted if you live above 3,000-foot elevation.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup sugar
• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 3 teaspoons cinnamon (I like to dump my cinnamon in the bowl)
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup oil
• 1/2 cup milk
• 2 eggs

Instructions: 

1. Grease the bottom of a loaf pan. You can sprinkle the bottom with a little flour to keep it from sticking, but I like to use cinnamon instead. After baking, the cinnamon on the bottom of the pan prevents sticking and gives a crispy cinnamon crunch to your bread.
2. Preheat the oven to 350* (or 375* if you are between 3,000 and 4,000 elevation level).
3. Mix dry ingredients together first. Then, add all the wet ingredients. Don’t overmix. Mix until smooth.
4. Pour batter into the loaf pan and bake for almost an hour. It will be done when the bread feels firm to the touch, and you can insert a knife in the middle and the knife comes out clean.
5. Use a knife to gently separate the bread from the sides. Wait a minute, then turn upside down on a cooling rack or plate.

Eat with your favorite topping hot out of the oven. The smell of cinnamon will fill your home with warmth and memories.

Taco Soup

Dunguaire Castle in Galway

This original recipe was shared by Mandy Post who serves in Galway, Ireland with her husband Jason and their four children. Mandy and Jason moved from Texas to Galway to help establish Galway City Baptist Church and disciple college students nearby by opening up their home for fellowship and dinner, their taco soup becoming a huge favorite. It has made a significant impact in their community as they seek to share the love of Christ with the students and mentor them. Equipping them to lead and train a next generation to know Jesus and make Him known across the globe. Here's a 3 minute video demonstrating how to make their taco soup and Mandy discussing her life-changing experiences with the students. 

Ingredients:

• 2 tbsp. olive oil
• one large onion chopped
• 2-3 cloves garlic minced
• 2-3 sliced or chopped chilies
• 2 pounds ground beef
• 2 cans of corn (or 2 cups frozen corn)
• 2 cans of beans, drained and rinsed (kidney beans, black beans, pinto beans)
• 2 cans stewed or chopped tomatoes
• 1 16 oz can tomato sauce
• 2 packages taco seasoning (or add your own seasonings to taste: salt, cumin, chili powder, paprika)
• corn tortilla chips
• sliced or cubed avocado, sour cream, and cheddar cheese for toppings

Directions:

On medium high heat, sauté the onions and garlic in the olive oil in a large soup pan till soft, about 2-3 minutes. Add the chilies and cook for 1-2 more minutes. Add the ground beef and brown until cooked through. Once meat is finished cooking, add the corn, beans, tomatoes, and tomato sauce, mixing well. Then stir in the taco seasoning, and let the soup simmer for 15-20 minutes on low heat. Serve over tortilla chips with desired toppings. Enjoy!

Living Life To The Full

Living life to the full, or trying to anyways, means being open to experiences. To see things through different lens. Embracing the good in life and counting the small things as joy. Having resilience when life is tough and moving forward from bitterness, shame, and hurt. You can't change your circumstances but you can change your outlook. Given the right tools and searching for more. I aim to have that kind of experience, in my own way. I had that at one time but then it got buried deep underground. It didn't receive enough sunlight and TLC. It would sprout but shortly after scatter, wither, or get eaten away.

Years later though, after having a good support system and experiencing different things, seeds were planted within the soil and grew overtime. And it's produced blossoms and more blossoms until it began to bear fruit. Each day has taken a new meaning now. Though imperfect, I hope to live with best intentions, for the greater good and to live sensibly.

My days are numbered, but there's just so much to see, do, and hopefully invest in building a legacy to pass on and inspire others. Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. It may be your last. Death is no stranger to anyone. With that in mind, it's important that you make it count.

Be thankful. Be kind. Be humble and teachable. Be intentional. Be wise. Be a light to someone's darkness. Be someone who strives to make a difference. Doesn't matter how big or small. More importantly, let your love shine bright.

-Jen

Becoming Stronger

Ya know, I have to say that I’m proud of myself for how far I’ve come. For realizing how much weight I was carrying that wasn’t meant for me to carry, and finally giving it up in surrender acknowledging things that are out of my control. For me, it was a struggle for control that kept me in an ugly cycle of bitterness, retaliation, and anger towards someone who has done me and others wrong. I was deluded thinking my vengeful and hateful rants would change a mean and awful person. And score points in feeling like I had the upper hand.

My drive for perfectionism and “winning” a battle that could never be won realistically speaking, pushed me into a chaotic, obsessive, and venomous cycle that put me at this person’s level of belittling, filth, and cruelty. In trying to “even the score”. I was gaslighted, manipulated, dominated by my fairly large obsession and messed up psychologically. And this evil person thoroughly enjoyed seeing my rants and feeling dominant by that. And was quite satisfied in seeing my mind consumed by him because it gave him attention. Attention and control. A person can only change IF they absolutely want to. No amount of shaming, hurt, and guilt tripping will accomplish that. I’m really glad I escaped from that destructive bondage thanks to God and some good people telling me over and over that this person isn’t worth my time and energy.

At the time, I acknowledged he wasn’t worth it yet that didn’t stop me from spewing more boiling hatred towards him. Only to feel guilty later because of the “good times” I’ve shared with this person in the past. Had me spiraling in confusion and doubt. Wondering if this person truly has changed like he insisted he has. But later I accepted it was all a lie. A vicious and cruel lie he’s fed to many others to get away with exploiting and abusing them. And I needed to let it go because of the damage it was doing to me. All for the sake of righting a wrong and being unsatisfied with how lucky he has managed to escape the law and consequences.

I honestly believed God was shining divine luck on this guy for allowing him to continue getting away and rewarding him. Which pissed me off more than anything. So much so I was very determined to take matters into my own hands to properly ensure justice would be carried out. Not caring how consumed and unstable I was. Looking back now, I wish I could undo things but I’m quite proud of what I learned in the process and realizing how I can help others in similar situations. None of this was all in vain.

Here’s what a friend of mine had to say: “I’m a firm believer in “nothing happens for *no* reason”. God ALWAYS has a reason, even if it’s frustrating or causes us pain. We grow and become stronger. While I’m saddened by the fact you experienced this kind of cruelty, I’m glad you’ve come out smarter and stronger!”

And that’s where I’m at, folks! I’m getting stronger day by day and I can definitely see changes and progress in my life! Life sure is looking better and more colorful and sunnier. The song “A Little Bit Stronger” by Sara Evans sums it up pretty well, I think.

I'm 30 And Still Single

Well, it's official, I've hit the three-zero mark. It really doesn't seem that long ago where I'm in my teens and twenties thinking how "old" being 30 is. It just seemed so far away, all I can say is I don't feel much different than I did back then. My body and health is still in good shape. I'm still a young kid at heart. I've been learning life lessons and getting wiser. I've found my dream job and I'm lovin' it! Yet the only thing missing it seems is a relationship with a man, BUT, I'm not at all worried. Should I be though? Maybe to a lot of people, I should. But the truth is, I'm genuinely content and at peace with being single. It gives me more freedom to work on myself, make up for any lost and missed opportunities, and more importantly-have FUN while living life to the full! Without adding any relationship drama or stress. 

While I know some friends who are happily married and lusting after each other, it's so common I feel like for many to give up and despair if they're unable to find someone suitable for marriage. And while I can understand to some extent how lonely and isolating that can be, personally, I feel it's so much better than marrying some loser or jerk and being miserable and stressed out. Or settling for someone who's boring and unattractive. 

It doesn't get easier when relatives or friends keep asking, "When will it be your turn?" Thankfully, I've not had a lot of people ask me that. They've been pretty respectful and understanding. And while I appreciate those playing matchmaker to help a friend out, honestly, it's not really something I need right now. That's not to say I hate dating or men, it's just that I'm not prioritizing or centering my identity around them. 

I don't need a man to complete me or make me feel validated and loved. If it ends up happening someday, great. It will be the cherry on top. But I can be satisfied without it. There is more to life than having a relationship status. I do believe it is possible to enjoy being single without letting it consume you. At the very least, I can say that I've already had my taste of what could have been a sweet, fairy-tale romance in my life. Would have been great if it wasn't illusive but genuine, but for me, it's enough. My cup is already full and overflowing. Cheers to celebrating me turning 30! And for the record, 30 is now the new 20 ;)  

How I Obtained More Joy And Freedom

I've been on a journey, a rough journey that is long and narrow with winding roads full of thorny paths and obstacles at every turn. Wanting so badly to soar into the sky like an eagle flying with wings spread wide apart, tasting the sweet air around me as I breathe the scent of FREEDOM. Wild and adventurous freedom and joy. I've been wandering aimlessly for years, like in a desert searching for water. The thirst burning in my throat as I reach for the oasis out in the horizon, only to realize as I try to get closer that it's only a mirage. Out of reach for me to obtain. Which pretty much sums up my life. 

As I've navigated this reality of mine, I've seen people's lives painted on wide canvases, brimming with all the pleasures I've wanted. The pain welling up inside me as I was made to watch. Tightening my chest as I held back my tears, always being compared to this or that. It was very difficult to be joyful, even pretend to have joy. I wanted so badly to experience what they had, even if their lives weren't "perfect"...I knew it was still better. 

How God chooses to bless someone, wire them, and use them is off limits to our finite capabilities to understand. Sure, He absolutely ordained some people to walk a more difficult, painful, and lonely road than others. It's not very encouraging to hear for some, but who can really understand God and His ways? The truth is, nobody can. And the more you try to fathom the sovereignable mysteries of God, the more your search for answers remains unanswered. It is incredibly exhausting and frustrating, let me tell you lol.

I've wrestled with these questions and challenges numerous times, more than I can count quite frankly. But in my quest to obtain these answers and find the solution to have more joy in the midst of my unfavorable circumstances in life controlled by God Himself, I was fortunate to discover the missing pieces to the puzzle in 2020 during the year of the Covid pandemic.

It occurred to me while I was working a night shift at my job at the time. It hit me so suddenly and randomly, this yearning to create my very own ideal reality where I can have control over the things I couldn't. Excitement washed over me as my brain began formulating ideas to run with that would take me away into a place of freedom, joy, and much more! I returned to my desk typing away at the keyboard to write a story. A story documenting my life's experiences not controlled by God.

It's been freeing, therapeutic, introspective, and fun. Helping me compensate for things I was denied or deprived of. And also helped me to improve or redo some of my past by rewriting scenarios in a more idealistic way. For instance, in one story I'm working on, my first story I've started in 2020, I'm in Australia on a school field trip. I never went on a class field trip as a senior in high school. My classmates got to visit Colorado Springs for their trip while I spent my senior trip at a pavilion. Though I actually had a good time at the pavilion. I had fun and met people who I got to spend time with and be goofy around. Lol. While that in itself helped me make up for not visiting Colorado, I was able to enhance my experience by visiting Australia which sounded more adventurous and way cooler.

Stories have provided a great way for me to express myself and avoid unpleasant thoughts, the process of writing my stories have impacted my life in a similar way that anime has helped me escape from reality. For me, writing stories provided an escape from a cruel or disappointing reality in which I had absolutely no control over. Stories helped me to obtain what I lacked so much of due to God-ordained circumstances in my life and a fallen humanity which I had zero control over that has led to much heartache.

In my previous post, The Power of Stories, I mentioned how stories whether you read them by someone else or write them yourself, can leave an imprint on you. 

"Stories are a refuge for those seeking to escape from life's troubles into another place where they can be free to explore, create, and imagine endless possibilities and other worlds out there. Stories can provide comfort, laughter, meaning, and a belonging for the outcast. It bridges the gap for empathy, compassion, and understanding towards people of all ages, race, and backgrounds. Stories help foster and build community in the hearts of the lonely traveler aiming to find companionship. Stories have the ability to resonate with people and leave behind a legacy to be remembered." -Jen

So as you can see, I gain a lot through stories, and I've gained more as I'm writing my own. Here's what I've been gaining from them.

• Control
• Satisfaction
• Accomplishment
• Achievement
• Adventure
• Love
• Passion
• Security
• Meaning
• Discovery
• Purpose
• Hope
• Identity
• Fulfillment
• Validation
• Acceptance
• Intimacy
• Companionship
• Inspiration
• Imagination
• Appreciation
• Belonging
• A new beginning
• Empowerment
• Confidence
• Joy
• Strength
• Ambition
• Transformation & growth
• Freedom
• Healing
• Redeemed opportunities
• Restored time

Stories have helped liberate me to find great treasures in the vast sea of the unknown just waiting to be discovered. Connecting me to people, places, experiences and a place to belong. Perhaps this is self-pity, but if it is, I don't mind. 

According to this article, self-pity can be beneficial to our mental health. (Job had tons of that in the Bible!) But pity parties can also be detrimental to our well-being and stagnate our development when we're not careful. It can breed depression, self-harm/suicidal thoughts, addictions, and more. For me, writing stories has proven to be a way better alternative to using drugs, having sex with multiple people and getting stds, consuming alcohol, overeating, or being suicidal. 

Stories have given me a unique way of finding and expressing my voice that was lost and forgotten by the harsh waves of a cold and dark reality or trampled by ever-growing weeds choking and tangling me. 

I've got plenty of ideas for upcoming stories I'm excited to embark on, no matter how long or challenging the process. I will not release them to the public as they are meant for me and myself only. It's my journey after all, a very personal and intimate journey. 

Now I will say if you're a Christian who's considering on embarking this path towards writing, my word of caution to you is that entertaining yourself through idealized fantasies can lead to idolatry, something God takes very seriously as He is a jealous God according to Scripture. (Exodus 34:14) While I may not have a great relationship with Him, there's always a price for disobedience. (Galatians 6:8) If your heart and mind (imagination) isn't guarded, it can lead you into dark places. Escapism can be healthy, but just like with most things in life, there's always pros and cons to be aware of. 

If your entertaining fantasies are leading you to sin against others or is preventing you from focusing on others through service, then either limit your time working on your stories or cut it off completely. "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."-(2 Corinthians 10:5 KJV) I didn't make the rules. Take it up with God if you're angry and upset. 

Remember, the purpose of writing stories is for enjoyment and relief as a distraction from a reality you cannot change no matter how frustrating or discouraging it may be. In my experience, it's helped me when I feel like God doesn't have my best interests at heart and nobody cares or relates. And when trusting Him is impossible. Sometimes, (not everyone will agree with me on this) it's good to step away from Christianity and church when you're dealing with mental health struggles. Especially during times when you're just not in a good headspace to process criticism or counsel from even well-meaning Christians. You may know how annoying and unhelpful it is when people give unsolicited advice or dismiss your problems by being preachy or casting judgement and accusations. Whether it's unintentional or not. Like Job's friends in the Bible.

It's hard enough as it is facing a reality that is overwhelming and painful, leaving you with questions and praying and meditating on Scriptures won't change the unchangeable. They can in some situations, but not the ones predestined by God. (John 21:21-22, Romans 9:20-21, Isaiah 45:9;11) You don't have to like or appreciate your circumstances or what God is doing (or isn't doing). Just like Job 2:10, 1 Peter 1:6-7, and Luke 22:42 says. Trusting in God isn't easy when life is super challenging and it only gets more difficult as the journey gets harder, especially when people let you down or wave you off, but the simple pleasures of writing my stories have made my life more bearable and enjoyable. For that, I'm thankful.

Though my life is far from perfect or this ideal reality I've craved, I suppose if I'm able to make my realities come true through writing, then I'm grateful. And I can use the lessons as a guide to help me navigate the real world I live in with the tools I've gained and learned under my belt. Share that wisdom and joy with others to help them break free and spread their wings. While learning to practice contentment in my reality by remembering there are people out there who have it worse than I do and others, and counting my blessings for the little things I have. Which are helping me think less of my misfortunes. 

God hasn't made my journey easy, (and neither has this fallen world we live in) but at least I have opportunities to write my stories and enjoy them. And if it's helping me to appreciate the beauty more in this life despite the ugly and heartache, then I suppose it's worth it. 

The Power of Stories Saved Me

I like stories. Stories have the ability to take someone into a far away place to escape from life's troubles and provide temporary relief and comfort. That's what it did for Sayaka Murata, a phenomenal writer who authored Convenience Store Woman and Earthlings. Both are very good books. I'm currently reading her latest novel, Life Ceremony. She really has a way of capturing the reader with her words that draws them into her web of storytelling. Branded eccentric by many who have read her works, Sayaka doesn't shy away from originality and expressing her voice through her writing. Here's an interview of her sharing the impact stories made in her life. Her words truly resonated with me. 

Stories have always captivated me as a child. I really enjoy what they have to offer. Stories are a refuge for those seeking to escape from life's troubles into another place where they can be free to explore, create, and imagine endless possibilities and other worlds out there. Stories can provide comfort, laughter, a belonging for the outcast, and bridges the gap towards empathy, compassion, and understanding towards people of all ages, race, and backgrounds. Stories help foster and build community in the hearts of the lonely traveler aiming to find companionship. Stories have the ability to resonate with people and leave behind a legacy to be remembered. And I believe that when stories are being written by the pen in your hand, as you command and control the words on the page, it gives you more power and freedom to unlock your inner desires and express your deepest longings and dreams that can't be stolen from you. 

Since the Covid pandemic in 2020, I've actually started writing my own stories. It just occurred to me suddenly while I was working a night shift at my job and it gave me opportunities to type away at the keyboard, using and stretching my imagination. While I will never be as good as J.K. Rowling or Cornelia Funke, I found writing stories therapeutic, introspective, and fun as I'm thinking about and creating stories and characters in my head. I'm certainly not a professional writer or an English major, but ever since that night I yearned to begin writing. Not to make a name for myself but because like Sayaka, writing has helped me find liberation. Stories are powerful to the mind and can be used for our benefit and to help others. Through stories, we learn moral lessons, themes, are taught about life, about ourselves and about others. 

“When you read a novel, you might find something very true about yourself.”-Sayaka Murata

Living A Lonely And Misunderstood Life

Why are some people lonelier and more easily ignored than others? If you've ever wondered that same question yourself, know that you are not alone. It's true that there are people who experience more rejection than others, or are always overlooked, and are ignored by everyone around them. There could be lots of reasons as to why that might be. 

You might not be interesting or fun to be around. Your passions and interests are atypical, what I mean by that is that it's very singular and repetitive (doesn't automatically mean you're in the autism spectrum), you're not a good listener, you're a bully, you're dishonest, you're very insecure, you're too quiet, etc. The list could go on and on. 

I'll go ahead and tell you that even the most confident person you might know in the room, can feel like an outsider or misfit who doesn't belong. Doesn't matter their popularity status, or grades, or achievements, looks, personality, etc. The thing is, you can be in a room full of people or in a crowd and still feel like you're alone or don't have a place in this world. It's happened to so many of us, and if people are being honest, they'll tell you that. 

Still, there are people who experience this far more than other people. They've tried to fit in by being someone they're not, dressing the part, saying, thinking, and doing what they're told to be accepted. And while it may work temporarily, they usually end up feeling even more misunderstood or lonely than before. 

I've compared myself to lots of people, even the ones who appeared to share the same interests on social media on repeat or post the same thing over and over and over and they end up getting like 50 or 100 likes on each post whereas I only get 1 if even that lol. I've actually received more than just 1 like but still, it's in very small numbers. Some people just have more magnetic charm than others I suppose no matter their personality style, interests, looks etc. And that's all fine. I'm happy for those people who no matter who they are, where they came from, they're more easily included or accepted in a group than others. Even if at times, they feel sad, lonely, or misunderstood. 

Some people are just more set apart than others to walk this path that involves more heartache, rejection, and being misunderstood. Every person is unique by how their brain is wired, how they were raised, their experiences, etc. No two people are created the same despite similarities that may exist. I've really wrestled with self-loathing and disgust in myself for how God chose to wire me and ordain my path in which I had zero control over whatsoever. I'm not talking about choices I've made and consequences I've reaped, I'm talking about stuff that happened which is beyond my control. I've wondered, "Why do I have to be wired this way?" "Why couldn't my path be like this or similar to that person's path?" I truly don't know why. All I know is that the more I dwell on this, the more flustered, sad, and lonely I get.

So what might be the solution to all of this then? I believe the answer lies in being yourself and resting in contentment that you were created for something much larger than yourself. Even when it doesn't feel like or seem like that's the case. You have something to offer that this world needs whatever that is. Whether it's a passion for food, art, music, writing, literature, psychology, criminal justice, etc. Wherever your interests are, they exist for a reason. Even if you're a single-minded person who's passionately focused on one thing more than others, there's a place for you too. Even if that means you have to walk this road of being misunderstood by many along the way.

I'll share a funny story (well, it might not be funny to you). I remember seeing a therapist who suggested I had a very mild scope of Asperger's syndrome (which I know isn't called that now anymore). When I mentioned that to my psychiatrist who is very blunt and observant, he said, "Something is wrong with your therapist." I bursted out laughing after he said it. Lol. He asked me if I knew what Asperger's was and when I shared my knowledge, he sighed and explained what it was and assured me I didn't have it. He also told me to quit seeing that therapist. Reason I share this story is because it's so easy for people to be misunderstood as having this or that, or be diagnosed by others who tell them this is what they have or might have and that is the label that defines who they are. I've been mislabeled as bipolar (which my psychiatrist also confirmed I didn't have) or other things by people who have absolutely no understanding or knowledge yet think they're doctors or smarter than them. Thus try to assume and diagnose me. Lol. As irritating and funny (in a sad way) as it is however, being misunderstood is a part of life and some people experience that more than others. Why? I don't know. They just do. It's all a part of their life calling I guess.

Regardless, no matter how lonely or misunderstood I feel, I try to not let it bother me too much by focusing more on what gives me joy in life. And realizing that I have a gift to share with others, (as all of us do) and the only way I can fully live my part is by embracing myself with all the quirks and everything else, constantly strive for improvement by working on my faults, and use it to live life to the full. Whatever comes next will either try to bring me down or lift me up. In that case, here is a quote at the bottom to read over

"You know something, it’s not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn’t have bothered in the first place. But let me tell you something, there’s not much of a difference between a stadium full with cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will."-Sue Sylvester, Glee