Well, about seven minutes later, I check my newsfeed and the first thing I saw was, "You are NOT too far gone to get back on track. Remember, God is FOR YOU, not against you!"
"There’s no fear if you know that God loves you regardless. You don’t have to be afraid that you’re going to make a mistake and you’re going to fall off the tightrope of walking that straight and narrow, no. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. The freedom is in knowing that no choice you could ever make, no mistake you could ever make, no bad call you could ever make is going to change His love for you, His commitment to you, His steadfast presence in your life." -Vic Mignogna
Now it can take longer because of festering wounds that have never been addressed, therefore doesn't receive healing. Stunting our maturity. But God can redeem lost time (Joel 2:25), (Deuteronomy 30:3-13). no matter our situations or the people around us, we mustn't focus on those because that's the quickest sidetrack the enemy will throw at us to stunt even more growth.
Jesus gave His redeeming love to you, purchased by His blood on the cross. Your sins have all been wiped away, white as snow. When you came to Him and received Him as your Lord and Savior, you became a child of God! You are redeemed, beloved, adopted, and have the Holy Spirit living inside you to guide you and sanctify you in all truth. You now have the privilege to have an intimate relationship with Him with access to His throne of grace. He will NEVER turn you away because of what you've done.
Satan is the accuser and brings condemnation, but God is rich in mercy, kindness, love, and full of grace and compassion. He is big enough to handle your problems and personal enough to meet you right where you're at, to gently guide you and remind you of who He is and who you are in Jesus Christ. He'll never, ever, ever stop loving you. I pray you truly believe this. That its root will sink deep despite doubts, anxieties, and unbelief. You are His precious child and NOTHING will change that!
Also, don't forget that God LOVES to use stubborn people. Even those who are recalcitrant time and time again. Rebellion isn't always a bad thing, depending on what you're rebelling against. But think of Peter or Paul. Their stubbornness allowed them to share and minister the Gospel. And fight against sin and their flesh. And get this, they were so confident in Christ and their identity in Him that they weren't shaken. They knew the love of God and experienced the free grace given to them, not because they earned it, nobody does for it says we all fall short of God's glory.
But because GOD wanted to because HE IS LOVE AND MERCIFUL. Read John 3:16, Ephesians 2:8-10, and Titus 2:11-14. But that's what enabled Paul and Peter to stand firm in their faith and look at how much impact they've had. King David is no different, the psalms is full of his depressive writings and ups and downs. And he was a man after God's own heart. There is no shame when you fix your eyes on the cross. All hurts, brokenness, sorrow, and shame can be casted upon God and He will mend those for good. "Cast all your cares and anxieties upon God for he cares for you."-1 Peter 5:7
Sometimes our feelings are so strong they cloud our judgement and rational thinking. And when those emotions arise from what our hearts feel that's contrary to what God says, it causes us to do things we in our right minds wouldn't be doing. The heart is deceitful and wicked, we're not even aware of it cuz it's that bad. (Jeremiah 17:9) That's why we can't place them on the throne in our lives, to rule over us. Hence why we must keep them aligned to Scripture.
It's hard and it's a process of continual growing and learning and applying what we know from God's Word to our lives, or rather applying our lives to God's Word. God knew the choice you'd make and know what? He's not saying,"Oh boy, look what you've done now. What am I gonna do with you? You're impossible! I can't and won't redeem you, you've blown it. Shame on you." Nope! Instead He's whispering in His still, small voice, "Hey, it's all going to be alright. My blood has already covered the things you've done and I'm here to stay and help you through this. My grace is sufficient and all you need. Come out of hiding and talk to me. I'll teach you to depend on me as you walk with me each step of the way." That's the kind of Father He is. That's the Almighty God you and I serve.
He's done that when Adam and Eve hid themselves and when He approached Hagar in the desert. And don't forget the unnamed Samaritan woman at the well. And also Mary Magdalene and some other people mentioned in the Bible. Let's also not forget Paul either who PERSECUTED Christians. God hasn't changed since then. If He's willing to do that for even the most offensive sins committed by people, what makes you think He won't do it for you?
David committed adultery, murder, and had many wives. Did God love him any less?
Peter DENIED Jesus 3 times! Yet Jesus still loved him deeply
Paul wasn't a man after God's own heart either from the start. Yet later on he wrote most of the New Testament and died a martyr. If you asked every saint, those who have more maturity in the Gospel, they too started out small and weak as well. As I've said earlier, some bloom faster or slower than others but, there's always room for growth and improvement. Everyone is on a different journey, but the goal is the same: To run the race with endurance. There's no room for comparison because it's not a competition. It's a relational journey to discovering more of God and living for Him. Overtime, fruit will yield as long as you stick with it and not give up the race. :)
Everyone's faith is relatively small. And we each wrestle with degrees of doubting and unbelief. It is God who gives us faith and increases it. Not something we do out of effort so no one can boast. (Romans 12:3). Read the parable of the mustard seed in Matthew 13:31-32. It doesn't grow overnight but when it's growing by being rooted and established in God (Psalm 1; Colossians 2:7; Ephesians 3:14-17) it produces an abundance of leaves, blossoms, and fruit. Another way to look at it is: on a tree, there's fruit and blossoms.
Fruit represents those who've walked with Jesus longer and thus are more mature in their faith. Whereas the blossoms represent baby Christians, those who've started out or not where they should be. Blossoms are beautiful and exciting to look at, they're in the beginning stages of ripening and producing all kinds of fruit. With tender loving care from watering, nurturing, and receiving Sonlight from the Master Gardener, your faith will grow.
It may take time, longer than you'd expect but our Heavenly Father is in no hurry developing fruit in you because God is not bounded by time. A day is like a thousand years to Him. And you've heard of "slow and steady wins the race"? Relationships are like that. They take time to build and with consistent effort, the relationship evolves over time. Time enables us to bloom in our relationship as we wait on God, sing Him praises, read His Word, pray, serve others, and foster fellowship in communities/church, and be poured into by saints with more wisdom and maturity in the LORD.
God wants us to enjoy Him and enjoy being a Christian. Not be legalists to prove ourselves worthy and berate ourselves for falling short. God's already poured out His mercy and His grace onto us, because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19) All we do is come to Him and receive that. Our identities in Christ are received, not achieved. See the difference? That's how we can know we can approach Him at His throne of grace for help, intercession, requests, and thanksgiving without shame or condemnation. Pouring out what's on our minds and hearts, anything and everything no matter how crazy, plain silly, or boring it might sound. God cares about those. He loves you!
If you're feeling like you're too far gone to be used by God, I exhort you to read the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. And see the father's reaction after his son came back home from wandering away and rebellion. See the pure love and joy the father gave him. That love reflects our Heavenly Father. Also, it's okay if you're still doubting and wrestling with anxiety, fear, and unbelief. All of us do. Serious. But just when you think you've blown it and can't be usable and used by God, just wait and see what God will do.
If you're still reading, I pray that God makes His love very real to you in spite of your struggling, and that it will sink its root deep and grow. The deeper you immerse yourself in His love, the more free you become. Free from failure, shame, guilt, worry, fear, fear of God's disappointment, and free to live, breathe, be perfectly imperfect, and enjoy God and being a Christian.
Now I contributed to my delayed healing process for letting my flesh do all the talking and listening to the devil's lies. Even when my emotional pain from childhood was valid. Time and time again God would send someone to tell me about His love and show me reminders through Scripture, but at the same time I would shut it out because I wasn't getting what I wanted or didn’t understand . Understand it is our selfish sin nature that causes more misery. God never intended that for His creation. But we have free will.
He does the transforming and renewal of your heart but your part is to meditate on His Word and talk to Him. He gives you the grace to desire and walk with Him. It's actually very simple but not easy because we've got an enemy who wants to distract us from God. Hence why we've got to stay in His Word.
He is never far from you (Psalm 34:18) but you can feel far from Him when you rely on feelings to dictate truth because feelings are fickle. They're prone to change. God always remains faithful through thick and thin. (Hebrews 13:8) Even when He doesn't make sense or we can't comprehend His ways, we can trust Him that He knows what's best and gives us what we need to grow our dependence on Him and give Him glory. Because He loves us, and that's all we need. God is greater and God is bigger no matter what's going on. It is enough. You can keep looking to people to satisfy you but you'll only feel more empty and dissatisfied. You were created by God for Him.
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were yet sinners; Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
He knew every bad decision I would make.
He knew every tale I would tell.
He knew all the times I would be mean and spiteful.
All the times I would walk away from His will and choose my own path.
All the things I think I hold in secret shame, sure that I have hidden them from the world and hoping I have masked them from Him,
He knew.
Yet, He died for me.
Salvation is a gift we do not deserve, but He gave it to us anyway, wrapped in His grace and mercy.
For further reading: Winning The Battle Against Shame
