How I Handle Criticism

When it comes to criticism, something I've learned through experience is when somebody criticizes me, I'll ask myself if it's from somebody I respect and admire. And, the person's intentions. 

Growing up with very low self-esteem I gave up easily due to fear of failure and not having a solid identity. I didn't apply myself or ask for help because often I would get yelled at, cause frustration or annoyance, feel degraded, and ashamed. 

I've learned the hard way that it stunted me and kept me in a rut. And I didn't always receive responses that pleased me. Some people were flippant and tactless with their truthful statements or advice while others said them out of spite for gossip and laughter.

While I was guilty of my self-pity and pessimism, I also wanted to connect with someone who could understand my struggles and my circumstances. When I told the wrong people about my problems, I only felt worse and didn't find improvement. 

Eventually, I learned that when someone dismisses my problems that I share, it reflects poorly on their ability to listen and provide support. I'm not against blunt honesty or the hard truth. It's very helpful and needed at times. I respected those who weren't afraid to step on my toes and disregard my feelings in favor of truth.  Because they had a visible pattern of helping me feel seen, heard, and understood through attunement, instead of distant and neutral analysis that bypasses attunement. 

I also appreciated the fact that they cared deeply about me as a person and respected me enough to know that I could handle the truth. It made me feel respected. Unlike some people who shared truthful advice or input with me as a release for their anger at something else. Or spoke the truth without love. As one lady told me, "What good is truth without love? It's no different than a lie in my opinion. Much less, unloving." 

Some people will simply be honest without showing any regard for that person. It's one thing to criticize honestly even if it's rude when done well that affirms and builds up by tearing down strongholds, than to just criticize in the heat of the moment. So now, I always make sure when criticized to consider their intention and whether or not I admire and respect that person and value their words.

In some cases, I must take the truth no matter their intent or reason and just use it for my benefit. Depending on what it is. Sometimes you just gotta take the good and discard the rest that's trashy. 

Overall, I've come such a long ways despite areas I still need to work on. Such as my confidence issues. But being able to admit my faults and ugly truths on this blog has brought me freedom. As the saying goes, "the truth shall set you free!" As long as I have the right support, wisdom and discernment to handle criticism, and positive reminders of affirmations and Christ's love for me, I'm on my way towards progress and change.

For further reading: Trusting God In Difficult Times

Encouraging Affirmations

Encouragement For Dark Times

Called To Be Mothers

 Copied and pasted from a friend who reshared this.

CALLED TO BE MOTHERS

Elisabeth Elliot reminds women that motherhood is a divine calling from God~

"You mean that's all you do?"

That's all? As a mother, your life is given to taking care of people--small ones, to begin with, whose wants never seem to cease. Sometimes when your days seem to be wholly taken up with wiping things--dishes and sinks, little runny noses and big slow tears--you wonder about what "fulfillment" is supposed to mean for you. You wonder about being (besides the perfect wife and mother) the hostess-with-the-mostest, creative, intellectually productive, beautiful... and slowly your dreams seem to evaporate.

You've been listening to what they're telling us nowadays about how important it is to find yourself, express yourself and assert yourself. Maybe you're thinking that you're nothing more than somebody's wife and somebody else's mother. And what kind of life is that?

There is a tribe in the Southern Sudan called "Nuers" where a woman's name is changed not when she becomes a wife, but when she becomes a mother. She is "ManPuk"--"Mother of Puka." Among the Nuers, being someone's mother is what makes a woman's life meaningful. Two thousand years ago there was another young woman, of the Jewish tribe of Judah, who understood that truth. The world has never forgotten her--Mary, the mother of Jesus--because she was willing to be known as, simply, Someone's mother.

Motherhood is a calling. It is a womanly calling... and let's not be cowed by those who extinguish the light and joy of sexuality by trying to persuade us to forget words like manly and womanly. At the beginning of time when God made the first man and the first woman in His image He put both under the divine command to be fruitful. The woman's obedience to that command meant self-giving. First she gave herself to her husband--he initiated, she responded--then she gave herself for the life of her child.

A woman knows, in the deepest regions of her being, that it is this very self-giving for which she was made. Single or married, her level of maturity is measured by how much she gives to others. If she's married, she gives herself to her husband and she receives. If she's a mother, she loses her life in her child and--mysteriously--she finds it.

A woman knows that no one can really say where the giving ends and the receiving starts. It is no wonder we are confused when urged to look for some "better" or "higher" vocation in which to "prove our personhood." No wonder we are distressed to be subjected to male standards, or told that the notions of femininity and masculinity are obsolete.

Old fashioned notions they are indeed, but they weren't our own to begin with. They were God's. He planned the whole system, and it's God Himself who calls. He calls some to be single, some married people to be childless, but He calls most women to be mothers. There are, the Bible tells us, "differences of gifts," and they're all given to us according to God's grace. None of the gifts of my own life--not my "career" or my work or any other gift--is higher or more precious to me than that of being someone's mother.

If our calling is to be mothers, let's be mothers with all our hearts--gladly, simply, and humbly--like that little peasant girl Mary who spoke for all women for all time when she said, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to Thy word" (Luke 1:38).

© 2002-2005 Good News Publishers. Used by permission.

What If God Doesn't Want Me To Be A Wife Or Mother?

Marriage and motherhood are very popular routes for many women and when they see friends and people around them getting married and starting a family of their own while years go by as they're getting older and still single, it's natural to wonder if they'll ever have a shot of being a wife and mother someday. The question, “what if God hasn't called to me be a wife or mother?” causes them to be discouraged and look with envy at those who are living those out.

I don’t have a one size fits all answer to that question. Perhaps some need an extended time to prepare being a wife and mother by developing in certain areas of maturity, wisdom, humility, selflessness, learning how to cook, not being idle, sorting out mental health problems, working on and maintaining attraction, managing finances and the home, and other things first in order to ensure that they're ready to tackle the next stages in future marriage and parenting if God wants to bless those desires. 

Some people have reached a certain stage or level to get where they need to be and journey on from there. And for others, it may take much longer. I remember a former psychology professor and I were chatting and she explained that everyone’s paths aren’t the same. For some, their paths are more straight and narrow, whereas some are more winding and rocky with lots of speed bumps. That goes for anything including marriage and motherhood. There could be a myriad of reasons for a delay in both because of the fallen state of man and this world, God's providence, and how a person is wired and developed and what their role is. 

When it’s your turn to be married someday, you’ll know as you continue to lean on God and trust Him through the whole process. Ask Him for discernment and to reveal open doors leading to potential dating/courtship. Choose wisely. Use your single opportunities to bless and serve others in various ways while continuing to trust God with your love life. And if the time comes, you’ll just know when it does but if not, then maybe God has something more rewarding and fulfilling for you which could mean you’re called into full-time missionary work overseas or vocational ministry elsewhere. Some people work better when they’re single because it allows them to serve the Lord more fully without distractions from their spouses and family. As long as you’re walking in sync with God and His will, He’ll make it clear and will provide for you no matter what He’s calling you to do, married or not.

As for motherhood, it’s a similar concept with a different process. If you’re unable to conceive a child naturally, it could be a turning point for you to consider adoption. Frankly, there's so many kids needing a good home. If more people adopted, the foster care system wouldn't exist. But besides that, there's other ways to love on and care for children such as looking after your nieces or nephews, serving in the nursery or youth ministry. While you may have a strong desire to have children someday, it may not be fulfilled in the way you think it will be. Remember that His ways are higher than your ways (Isaiah 55:8-9) and the more you keep walking with Him and growing in Him, the more your desires begin to transform into His desires. (Psalm 37:4) Obviously, it will look different for everybody but the key is not letting something you can’t have steal your peace or joy.

I read and appreciated what Irish singer, Orla Fallon, a former member of Celtic Woman had to say as she described her painful journey of infertility for many years until she finally became a mother naturally in her late 30’s. She states that she’s proud of being a "geriatric mother" and appreciates it more now that she’s older. I thought she had a neat perspective on waiting. God’s timeline for everyone is different but His ways are always perfect. (Psalm 18:30)

As I said earlier, I don’t know if or when those will happen for you but in the meantime, all you can do is faithfully submit to God, work on improving certain areas, make the most of your single years and look after your family He's given you whether it be young nieces or nephews, babies and children in your church, and just living your life while doing good deeds here and there. 

Just remember that being married and having kids isn't the highest calling on Earth. While both are a blessing, it's not the ultimate fulfillment or purpose for your life.  Knowing Jesus and living your life for Him is what brings you true freedom. That is the highest calling for a Christian, whatever that looks like whether you're single, married with or without kids. 

Marriage and motherhood are both noble gifts to be treasured, but with any good gift one has to be prepared for the challenges ahead. Willing to be sacrificial for the sake of commitment and understand what love truly is. Marriage and motherhood will shape you and change you in very unexpected (and rewarding) ways, provided you have a foundational pillar that's rooted and established beneath them lest they cause you tremendous stress and heartache. 

Aside from the list of areas to develop in mentioned earlier, another area you may need to work on is your femininity. Femininity is more than wearing makeup, dresses, high heels and accessories. It's how well you cultivate and nurture your inner woman and the beauty within and around you. Masculine men are drawn to feminine qualities or characteristics in a woman. (And that will also help you with parenting!) Here are some resources to help guide you in that direction, should you need it. 

Mrs. Midwest (A YouTuber who shares content on feminine advice, homemaking, and tips on beauty, grooming, and hygiene)

SimplyJaserah (A feminine Muslim YouTuber sharing beauty, grooming and hygiene tips, dating)

Lisa Glamour (YouTuber sharing tips on femininity, style, relationships)

The Modern Lady (YouTuber sharing the same content as above)

Chelsea Hurst (YouTuber sharing her faith, femininity, relationships) 

What Femininity Looks Like In A Christian Marriage

Becoming A More Feminine Woman

If God has put a desire to be a wife and mother in your heart, the more you grow up in Him, the stronger they will be and He'll give them to you according to His timing and wisdom. My question to you is, are you proving yourself to be capable of being a good steward of His blessings? And, are you content with having your desires unfulfilled in order to embrace God's desires and fulfillment for your life? Lastly, is your identity and happiness staked in those desires to satisfy an insatiable craving for something else? 

To possibly help you dig deeper, check out these posts down below

The Idol Of Marriage

Cherishing The Gift Of Motherhood

Because I Can (Sex and intimacy)

Marry Rather Than Burn (Self-control and lust)

(Un)realistic Expectations And Love

What Is Love?

A Healthy Marriage

Single Again On Valentine's Day

For Someone Who Needs To Hear This (Singleness)

Moms Are Being Lunch Boxed Shamed And That's Not Okay

One of my co-workers packs lunches for her grandson in preschool consisting of fruits, vegetables, a juice box, some type of protein and a cookie. One day his teacher told him he wasn't allowed to eat the cookie inside his lunch box because it was "unhealthy" and might upset the other kids who didn't have one. What shocked me was hearing that teachers are already "food policing" kids lunch-boxes at an early age. 

A similar incident happened to a mom in Sydney, Australia where a teacher shamed her for packing two pink wafers in a lunch box that had fruits, veggies, and meatballs. Sadly, there are lots of stories just like that happening to moms everywhere. One mom in Texas received a hateful note from a daycare worker telling her to "put her son on a diet and go away."

The mom-shaming culture trend just keeps growing and getting out of hand. From eating organic to breastfeeding, they do a pretty good job tearing moms down for their choices that have nothing to do with the critics. Even if their so-called intentions are "good" or they're simply misguided, whenever adults believe they have a right to pass judgment on other moms for how they feed their kids without even knowing their personal background or experiences with food, it is self-righteousness at its core. 

When I was growing up, I had a PB&J sandwich with Goldfish Crackers, a chocolate chip cookie or fruit snacks served with Capri Sun and I survived and I'm still pretty healthy overall. My classmates and teachers never complained as they focused on whatever they were eating and other things. Frankly, there are more important things to worry about than whatever a kid is eating from their lunch box. Aside from food allergies, sensitivities, and other factors a lot of kids are simply picky eaters. 

Pinterest, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and the web are teeming with lunch-box ready ideas and strategies to assist parents in turning their picky eaters into pint-sized gourmands eating a colorful medley of different food groups. But despite the resources and printable meal plans for affordable and healthy, nutritious lunches, it's a lot easier said than done. While I'm not a parent, I know raising kids has its challenges and introducing them to eating healthy is an obstacle course for many moms so they do what they can to ensure their kid is getting fed and nourished. Serving a piece of cookie or Lunchables isn't going to kill anyone. There is no shame in deciding to pack a kid's lunch with potato chips, a sandwich, an apple, and juice or water. 

An article from Yahoo Lifestyle shares the negative impact lunch-box shaming has on a child's self-esteem and overall view of food in general. 

“There are so many factors when it comes to feeding our kids every day: At lunch, we want to make sure they’ll actually have something they’ll eat so they have enough energy to play and learn, but there are also so many restrictions with things like peanut butter being banned from classrooms,” Lindsay Powers tells Yahoo Lifestyle. “Not to mention that food can get expensive, especially if you’re buying lots of fruits and veggies and organic packaged foods you know your kids just aren’t eating. So often times, parents rely on feeding their kids meals they know work.”

Powers says that it’s unfair to judge a child’s overall nutrition based on one meal.

“Each individual meal may not always be perfectly healthy or perfectly balanced, but when you look at what a kid eats over the course of a week, everything balances out,” she says, adding that criticism over the contents of a lunchbox can affect how a child views food.

 “We’re giving our kids food issues by shaming them over each individual meal — especially when they’re 5 years old!” Powers says. “Food is so loaded in our culture. Cake is good when we eat it at a birthday party, but bad when we eat it at home. We’re ‘being good’ when we eat healthy and ‘being bad’ when we indulge in candy. Kids don’t understand this nuance — they just think they’re good or bad people depending on what they eat. If our goals are to raise adventurous eaters with a healthy attitude toward food, shaming them over one meal flies in the face of that!”

“Lunch is complicated,” Sole-Smith tells Yahoo Lifestyle. “Kids’ appetites are tough to predict because they change often with activity level and growth fluctuations. And lunch can be a pretty stressful meal — you’re in the cafeteria, it’s loud and crowded, it’s almost always too short and kids are easily distracted. For those reasons alone, it’s totally reasonable for parents to want to pack the ‘easy’ foods they know their kids will like so the food part of the meal isn’t an added stressor. Add on food allergies, sensory challenges, the family’s grocery budget and how much time they even have available to pack lunch and all the more reason why tossing in some Oreos or goldfish crackers is an affordable, easy way to give your kid a good lunch that will comfort and nourish them.”

Sole-Smith says lunchbox-shaming — which she says unfairly targets moms — does more harm than good.

“Nutrition-policing kids’ lunchboxes doesn’t make kids eat better,” she says. “It just embarrasses the child and the family getting singled out. We have lots of research to show that shaming or pressuring kids to eat in certain ways backfires heavily.”

It's really not a teacher's place to dictate what a parent can and can't pack for their child's lunch in school. Teachers already have a lot on their plate as is and they're not qualified to weigh in on nutrition advice since they don't have the training for that. The parent knows their kid more than anybody and if they're concerned about eating habits, they can speak to a pediatrician or family doctor for a referral to a family dietician. The school administrators and teachers need to trust the parents judgment regarding food choices and just focus on their job. Simple as that. Had I been the parent of a child criticized for having Goldfish Crackers or Oreos with a sandwich, fruit, and veggies by their teacher, I'd pack extra in their sack lunch or lunch box with a written note in there. Lol

"Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. Then people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others."-1 Thessalonians 4:10-12

Eating Organic Makes You A Jerk

Sadly, it's true...

When it comes to "eating right" people turn up their noses and act like jerks. 

"When folks start shopping and eating organic, a self-righteous change begins. In other words, they become snobs." - Dr. Dale Archer

Read more at NBC News

Kate Hudson On Eating Healthy 

Eating What Works Best For Your Body

Is Organic Food Really Better For You?

Is Organic Produce Healthier Than The Conventional Kind?

Encouraging Affirmations

Was feeling discouraged and down on myself today at work but managed to bounce back later in the afternoon. Here are some confident booster affirmations I learned and jotted down. While these are personal, perhaps this will speak to someone too in their season of discouragement.

I just have a different way of learning

It takes time for me to learn certain things but I'm not incapable or inept

I might struggle or embarrass myself but as least I tried

Though I usually need help with DIY stuff, math and a lot of things, it doesn't mean I'm helpless or hopeless

Making a mistake is not the end of the world

Failure is still progress even when it's not obvious

When I'm nitpicked or criticized unfairly or heavily for failing or mistakes, it's teaching me what NOT to say to others who are struggling or learning at their own pace in their own way

The beauty in struggles is that it helps me develop more compassion and understanding, and also gain insight and wisdom

Who I am today is not the same person I was yesterday

When I doubt myself and my ability to achieve something, I will say to myself this is all a game and an experiment. Win or lose, I've still gained something beneficial

People may define me and judge me by past mistakes but that doesn't mean I will join them and stay stuck with them

I only live life once so might as well enjoy it as much as possible

I'm always learning

I know that I am valued and appreciated by the people I serve and co-workers who recognize my efforts

If I can get through today, I've succeeded

Trusting God In Difficult Times

In times of uncertainty, I've been learning that when the future is unclear and there's a 50/50 that life will unexpectedly take a wrong turn and leave you speechless with wonder, no matter what you do it is out of your hands. 

You can only control your attitude in a situation regardless of what will happen next. All you can do is just try and learn as you go, keeping a positive perspective in place and let the LORD sort it all out. 

Trusting Him with the details in your story that's still being written. It's not easy to do since nobody likes to feel powerless, but in this life anything can happen without warning. 

Therefore, in the midst of discouragement, disappointment, and hard times it's absolutely vital to just sit still in quiet surrender, waiting upon the LORD as He fights your battles and helps you find refuge in Him, and take life one day at a time as you learn to slow down and enjoy the simple, little things that bring you joy. 

Relish those times of rest and enjoyment as you savor the meaning of life and find purpose and freedom in subtle ways. Let your transformation and growth inspire you on your journey so you can look back and marvel at the lessons you've learned and use them as a testimony for others needing encouragement.

I don't know what will happen next or when it will happen but if or when it comes to pass, I'll have assurance that what's meant to be will be and look forward to what's better that lies ahead. And let my joy be fulfilled through sharing wisdom and encouragement for ears that need to hear and the LORD for His sovereignty through difficult and unprecedented times.

Proverbs 3:5-6. Jeremiah 29:11. Romans 8:28. Psalm 91. Psalm 27. Psalm 23. Psalm 46. Isaiah 40:31. Psalm 34. Psalm 131. John 14:27. Psalm 4:8. Psalm 94. Philippians 4:6-8. Psalm 105. Psalm 106. Psalm 107. Ecclesiastes 5:19. Psalm 55. 1 Peter 5:5-7. Psalm 118. Psalm 119. Psalm 19. Matthew 11:28-30. Luke 22:42. Matthew 6:25-34. James 1:2-4. 1 Peter 1:6-9. Psalm 16.