What You Need To Know About Narcissism

Written by Joe Ramirez

I read this from another group and it really resonated it with me. I thought I'd share it in case someone else needs to hear this as well...

The narcissist doesn’t find “a better person”. They find someone who doesn’t know better. Once you catch on to their lies, cheating, manipulation and gaslighting, they’ll discard you and move on to the next one they’ve been grooming. OR, they’ll move on from you because they have used you all up and you are of no value to them anymore. And they move on very quickly too. Not even 2-3 weeks go by after a break up and they’re already in a relationship. And I guarantee you they were grooming this person while in the relationship. And that’s because they don’t like to be by themselves. They can’t. They don’t like the thought of being by themselves, they’re codependent upon other people. It’s their “narcissistic supply”. They need validation. They need to feel like the center of somebody’s world, because ultimately, everything is and will always be about them.

They are love bombing the new one, being on their best behavior and getting them trapped. They are portraying themselves as husband (or wife) material, loving, supportive, etc and they are NOTHING like that. Nothing. They are literally the total opposite once they get you reeled in. They are extremely entitled and display a grandiose illusion of themselves to cover up their low self-esteem, and believe they can do no wrong. They feel as if they’re above the law and is better than everyone else. They’re also jealous. They’ll never be happy about your achievements or anyone else’s except their own.

Narcs pick certain people. They pick those who they know are caring, sweet, and nurturing. And trust me when I tell you, you have something they want. It might be money, it might be sex, or sometimes (if they live on their own) they’ll move you in quickly so you can help them pay their bills while they drain you of your money and your soul. And they’ll try to isolate you from friends and family in the long run. They won’t want you to go anywhere, they’ll want you to dress a certain way….and literally every single thing you do will become a problem.

They’re NEVER satisfied, and will ALWAYS have a void in their life that will never be filled. They’re incapable of empathy, and understanding. The new person doesn’t know what kind of hell they’re getting into. They don’t know they’re getting ready to endure emotional abuse, mental abuse, and sometimes physical or spiritual abuse. They’ll literally make you feel like you’re crazy and you’re not. They’ll even start arguments because it was a good day, and blame you for the argument they started, and tell everyone it’s you that likes to argue. And they will disrespect you, talk down to you and about you, and devalue you.

They also PURPOSELY provoke you so you can REACT (reactive abuse), so you can look like the crazy one. Because what happens is, they provoke you by yelling at you, being disrespectful, calling you out of your name etc…..but when you react to the disrespect, now they’re the calm one, and you’re irate, making YOU look crazy. They know how to play the game. Trust me.

Narcissism is real. I could go on and on about narcissism. The best part is, now I know. And I can spot it when I see it. Went through it for years and the blindfold came off.

Here are signs of narcissistic traits in a person you need to know. Whether it's to help you or someone else you know. https://jenswalkwithgod.blogspot.com/2022/12/signs-of-narcissist-or-person-with.html

Bitterness and Healing

"Healing is such a process. And when more hurtful things happen in the midst of our healing, it’s only natural for bitterness to come knocking.

 
But I’m learning that bitterness doesn’t protect me or prove anything. It only turns me into someone I don’t want to be. So, I find a healthier way to process than seething over what happened.

 
If you’re struggling with this right now, I want you to know how sorry I am. But I also want you to remember sometimes our hearts aren’t bitter… they are just really broken.

 
And Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I love this promise from God. He is close to us when our hearts are broken from circumstances we can’t change and relationships that will never be the same. You are not alone in your hurt."- Lysa TerKeurst

Signs of A Narcissist or A Person With Narcissistic Traits (The sooner you know, the better!)

Written by Nancy Parker (Words in parenthesis mine)

These are just a few of the most common traits you’ll see a narcissistic man showing. It is entirely possible to break free from a narcissistic relationship, but it takes time, effort, and support. There are a lot of narcissistic women walking around too, but I will focus on men in this post. The traits I mention work just as much for narcissistic women too.

The main traits of a narcissistic man *or woman* are:
1. Inflated sense of self-importance
2. Low self-esteem, although they will never admit it. (Unless you call them out on toxic behavior/actions, they'll use the "victim" card to manipulate and guilt trip you. "Nobody loves me, I put people down because I was deprived of self-esteem and love growing up, blah blah blah. How DARE you call me out! I'm the REAL and ONLY victim" *Major trigger overload* They throw one heck of a tantrum!)
3. The common use of manipulation techniques, including gaslighting.
4. Always wanting the very best of everything
5. Assuming their opinion is right, and everyone else is wrong
6. A tendency to put others down to make themselves look and feel better (Goes hand in hand with point number 2 which they will NEVER apologize for. Ever.)
7. Extreme difficulties in maintaining friendships and relationships long-term
8. An inability to show love regularly, e.g., through genuine affection (They have the ability to love and the need to be loved, after all, they're so entitled and only in love with themselves. Or rather, a grandiose illusion of themselves. (Not to be confused with arrogance although it can seem that way.) BUT, their capacity to "love" themselves in a genuine, healthy way is non-existent and nearly impossible. And if they can't love themselves properly, there's no way they can love anyone)
9. You could describe him as a control freak.

A narcissistic man will be the epitome of charming at the beginning. He will lasso you in with his charm, wit, kindness, and sense of humor. It’s only when he’s pretty sure you’re emotionally hooked that he will let the act drop and become his true self. Once you are emotionally hooked, his true colors will show, but he will not do this immediately or all at once.

There will be small signs that all is not well. For instance, he might tell you that your outfit doesn’t suit you, destroying your self-confidence at that moment and causing you to cancel your night out with friends. As a result, he’s making you reliant on him and alienating you from your circle.

He might do something, and then when you question him, he’ll deny all knowledge. He will tell you that you imagine again, and you begin to question your own sanity. This is classic gas-lighting, one of the most commonly used manipulation tactics by narcissists.

Just as you reach the point where you think that there’s something a little wrong and question why he’s treating you this way when he claims to love you, he will notice your doubt. Then, he will switch back to his original, charming self. (The more you start doubting, the more they will say anything to keep you in their grasp) You see, at his very core, a narcissistic man has self-esteem issues and relies on your neediness of him to validate his worth. Despite that, he has an inflated sense of self-importance in terms of his views, his ability, and his appearance. It’s a total contradiction, making narcissism challenging to understand unless you’ve seen it firsthand.

Narcissists are constantly striving for perfection; they need to be in control. They have the perfect idea of how things should be and play out. They need to know what comes next; if not, they’re left unprepared with what to say or how to act, and that’s not a good look for them.

They need to look cool, calm, and collected at all times. They will never recognize their actions as wrong. Instead, they shift the blame and point fingers at someone close to them. Most likely, that’ll be you. They don’t compromise. It has to be their way, or it’s the highway. They’re not able to put anyone else first, as that would mean they’re not a priority anymore. They act one way but then do something different. They manipulate and twist everything around until you feel you can’t trust yourself.

Narcissists believe everything must be perfect, whether it’s themselves, you, or an event. Of course, because nothing is perfect, they’re usually unsatisfied with everything. What sets a narcissistic man apart is his tendency to project perfection even if he is far from it. To a narcissist, displaying perfection is all that matters.

Narcissistic men are deeply insecure and fearful. Most narcissists have experienced trauma and rejection; however, they repressed it. With shame, they feel something is wrong with them as a person. So, they fight those feelings back by hiding them (and using that as justification to harm others). (They're cowards who act shamefully even though they know what's right vs. wrong. Don't be fooled into thinking they don't know better. They do. They wouldn't be so inconspicuous to avoid being caught if they didn't know their actions are wrong. They can stop if they really wanted to. It's not involuntary like breathing. But they don't care. And that is what makes them losers.)

Run as fast as you can. You might even love him when you realize he’s a narcissist, but Narcissistic men care for nobody but themselves. Countless people make this assumption and stay in relationships that make them miserable, but the bottom line is that you cannot cure his problem; only he can, and even then, it's (very) *unlikely* he will choose to go through the therapy treatment required to rewire his brain because they don’t think they need help, they think everyone else does.

Sweet Caroline

Last year I had this sweet potato casserole made by Denise Jonas, the mother of the Jonas Brothers, who owns a restaurant with her husband in North Carolina. She appeared on a news segment showing the news anchors how to make this delicious casserole. I’ll be honest, this recipe was really sweet. Even when I substituted the pineapple juice with orange juice, it was still pretty sweet. But it’s good! Definitely a good side dish or dessert to have on Thanksgiving or Christmas. Add some vanilla ice cream on top to give it another sweet kick if you want. Though honestly, it’s sweet enough by itself. Hope you enjoy! ^_^

Filling Ingredients

6-7 light sweet potatoes, peeled

3/4 cups sugar

1 stick butter

3-4 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

almond milk, as needed

Topping Ingredients

2 tablespoons flour

1 cup light brown sugar

1/3 cup melted butter

1/2 cup orange juice or pineapple juice

1 cup chopped pecans

Directions

Filling

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

Place sweet potatoes in a large saucepan with water to cover. Cook over medium high heat until tender.

Drain and mash potatoes while still hot.

In a large bowl, mix together the sweet potatoes, sugar and butter.

Add eggs and vanilla extract, and milk if needed.

Mix until smooth. Transfer to a 9×13 inch baking dish.

Topping

In a medium bowl, mix the flour and light brown sugar.

Add the melted butter.

Add juice until the consistency is medium thick.

Stir in the pecans.

Sprinkle the mixture over the sweet potato mixture.

Bake in the preheated oven for 30-40 minutes and serve hot.

Random note:

I remember listening to the Jonas Brothers in high school. I had a HUGE crush on Joe, the middle brother. I still think Joe is the handsomest brother even now…If I ever visit North Carolina, going to their family restaurant in Belmont is on my list because you needed to know that lol. Merry Christmas!

Bananarama Chocolate Chip Waffles

Cobra Kai actress Mary Mouser, who plays Samantha Larusso on the show made these deliciously wonderful Bananarama Chocolate Chip Pancakes on her YouTube channel.

If you’ve seen Cobra Kai on Netflix, then you know about the famous Bananarama Chocolate Chip Pancakes Daniel Larusso whipped up for Sam on the show in one episode. I took notes while watching Mary make the pancakes herself but decided to spin my own twist to it by turning it into waffles instead. Because waffles are superior to pancakes can I get an amen? Lol. All lame joking aside, here’s the written instructions for this recipe.

Ingredients

1 1/2 cup all-purpose baking flour

2 tablespoons regular granulated white sugar

2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 eggs

1 cup + 2 tablespoons low fat milk (I used 2 percent)

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

3 tablespoons unsalted melted butter (I skipped the butter the second time because it was too buttery for my taste when I first tried this, so you can reduce the butter or skip it altogether)

1 small over ripe banana (the riper the banana, the tastier it is)

Directions

Whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl. Add the banana and mash it with a fork until almost smooth. Whisk in eggs then add milk and vanilla extract and stir everything altogether. After this step, pour in chocolate chips if you want and combine that with the mixture. Once that’s done, pour the mixture in a waffle maker or in a pan if you’re making pancakes and if you need more specific visual instructions, go watch the video lol. Mary Mouser is adorable and has a fun personality.

Once it was finished, I poured semi-sweet chocolate chips on top and added slices of banana along with some sweet maple syrup.

If you make these yourself I hope you enjoy them as much as I did and if you haven’t watched Cobra Kai, I hope you’ll give that show a try while eating these yummy pancakes or waffles at the same time. The show is badass just like this recipe. Enjoy! ^_^

My Life Story & Soundtrack

Growing up at one time, I had a positive spark in me with a resilient attitude as a kid.Whenever I would fall down, I’d get right back up again and try no matter how many times it took. I was full of bursting energy (and still am today) until I got older and it got stifled or went away. Low self-esteem and pressures kicked in and I began to lose that spark I had in the beginning. My enemies named fear, insecurity, self-consciousness, and self-awareness completely knocked me off my feet where I was planted and any joy or positivity I had withered and scattered from the wind. I was haunted by the never-ending noises and echoes of the darkness that consumed me. Unable to register what was true or what wasn’t. The lies slowly creeped in a little at a time, until it became believable and real. I became a walking corpse, wandering the school halls with dead eyes and a lifeless spirit.

I was branded a weirdo, outcast, misfit, unpopular, and misunderstood. Locked up in a cage where my wings became useless and was cut one piece at a time. I couldn’t fly, I was stuck with nowhere to turn to. My cries for help were silenced and muffled by tears, criticism, and disapproval. The darkness around me got bigger and stronger, and the spark I had within me kept shrinking smaller and smaller until darkness found its place to reside in and take over.

From that point on, any efforts or attempts to cast a glowing light were quickly reduced or diminished. My naive innocence however remained. I was an empty and outer shell with no sense of identity, purpose, or direction. I was envious and jealous of those who casted a brighter light than I. Wondered how and where they got strength to shine. Consumed by defeat and plagued by incessant images of myself in cracked mirrors, I retreated further into self-preservation. Stares and glares across the room passed by, I wondered when it will ever end.

An opportunity came by and took me by the hand, it beckoned me to end the deafening noises. I was frightened but at the same time relieved. It would all be over soon. This is how it will end. But it never came. It grabbed me and landed me somewhere white and new. I temporarily found a place and a purpose. I felt loved and needed. It was a fun and joyous experience. For once I felt like I belonged. This could be the beginning of a brand new start.




Once released back into the wilderness, I stumbled and ran chains slowly becoming undone. Landed into a hole where darkness found me again. I struggled into the unknown yet a sense of familiarity washed over me. Time went by and I was still falling until something grabbed a hold of me. Pulled me out and a different light welcomed me. Faint and dim at first until it got stronger and brighter and I could feel my pulse racing. My old outer self, chiseling away and being tapered off, slowly but surely.

Though I walk a lonely road, I feel a surge of transformation and joy tucked inside. As I journey on into wherever it takes me, my heart still beating, I’ve found a new meaning and a place to unlock new chapters and stories. Depths of adventure and wonders await me. What will I find and who will I inspire in this journey of mine? How can I shaped by my unique experiences, guide others to find the light to aid their journey from a dark and desolate place? I guess the only answer I’ve got is to keep going 

Here is my song playlist for My Journey Soundtrack ^_^

Healing And Restoration For The Sexually Broken Girl

So this is actually pretty difficult for me to write because I really don't have any experience with this whatsoever as I'm still a virgin but I hope this will provide at least some help for any girl who's burdened by shame and brokenness from consequences of sexual sin.

So you may be wondering why I'm even bothering to write about this topic, well, I've witnessed a good friend of mine fall into sexual sin and the consequences of that were devastating. She's had oral and vaginal sex with multiple guys including one who was married, and the shame and trauma really impacted her afterwards. So many women I feel like, desperately want that physical closeness + emotional connection that makes them feel loved, valued, and cherished. And there's nothing wrong with that! Provided it's within a healthy marriage unit between husband and wife because that's how God designed for sex to take place. And it is beautiful, holy, and sanctifying. Apart from that brings misery and pain.

Premarital sex or adultery just isn't worth the long haul of heartache and regret as many have reported feelings of numbness, disconnection, and loss of perceived affection. Having sex without a binding commitment will bring mental, emotional, and spiritual heartache and the more people a person sleeps with, the harder it will be for them to overcome the many pain and build healthy relationships. This isn't to say that marriage is the cure for people to release their passionate urges however. There's more to it than that which you can read about in this post Marry Rather Than Burn

Recently me and a friend were talking over the phone for 2 hours just catching up and things like that, and we talked about a classmate who was a Oneness Pentecostal and died in 2014. She had Cystic Fibrosis and was also a closet girl doing all sorts of promiscuity and getting drunk and her boyfriend she was sleeping with broke up with her afterwards. She was devastated and probably ashamed too. Some time later she gave it all to God and felt freedom and healing (if memory serves me correctly) and her CF went away! Everybody including the doctors were amazed and didn't see a trace of it on the scans. But her liver was damaged from all the drugs she was taking for her disease and passed away later at just 21.

It was sad that she died so young. In the end, she was just trying to live like it was her last hence why she did some crazy and stupid stuff back there because she understood her mortality. To some extent, I can understand her reasons and I don't place condemnation on her or anyone else who's done similar or the same.

If there's one message I want to get across to women out there who are dealing with this, know that you are loved and your brokenness doesn't define your worth and value as a whole. You might not believe that. But even though you don't believe it, there is hope for you. If God can restore and heal the girl with CF, the adulterous woman (John 8:1-11) and the unnamed woman who most likely was a harlot (Luke 7:37) in the Bible for all their sins, where they felt whole, loved, and forgiven, He'll also do the same for you. Question is, do you receive it and believe He will? If not, examine the "why". If you're struggling to find the cause or don't know where to begin, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal it to you and surrender it to Him. It won't be easy. It'll be painful as you dig deep to see what's hidden brought to light. But He really does want to help you and He will!

Some Scriptures that may speak to you if you need it...

"Who is there to condemn us? For Christ Jesus, who died, and more than that was raised to life, is at the right hand of God--and He is interceding for us."-Romans 8:34

"Even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and He knows all things. Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God, and we will receive from Him whatever we ask, because we keep His commandments and do what is pleasing in His sight."-1 John 3:20-21

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord"-Romans 8:38-39

Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]. Philippians 4:6‭-‬7 AMP

"I sought the Lord [on the authority of His word], and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant; Their faces will never blush in shame or confusion. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him And saved him from all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him [with awe-inspired reverence and worship Him with obedience], And He rescues [each of] them. O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good; How blessed [fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God] is the man who takes refuge in Him. O [reverently] fear the Lord, you His saints (believers, holy ones); For to those who fear Him there is no want. The young lions lack [food] and grow hungry, But they who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing."-Psalms 34:4‭-‬10 AMP

For more recommended articles

Making All Things New For The Sexually Broken

Fixing Sexual Brokenness