Growing up at one time, I had a positive spark in me with a resilient attitude as a kid.Whenever I would fall down, I’d get right back up again and try no matter how many times it took. I was full of bursting energy (and still am today) until I got older and it got stifled or went away. Low self-esteem and pressures kicked in and I began to lose that spark I had in the beginning. My enemies named fear, insecurity, self-consciousness, and self-awareness completely knocked me off my feet where I was planted and any joy or positivity I had withered and scattered from the wind. I was haunted by the never-ending noises and echoes of the darkness that consumed me. Unable to register what was true or what wasn’t. The lies slowly creeped in a little at a time, until it became believable and real. I became a walking corpse, wandering the school halls with dead eyes and a lifeless spirit.
I was branded a weirdo, outcast, misfit, unpopular, and misunderstood. Locked up in a cage where my wings became useless and was cut one piece at a time. I couldn’t fly, I was stuck with nowhere to turn to. My cries for help were silenced and muffled by tears, criticism, and disapproval. The darkness around me got bigger and stronger, and the spark I had within me kept shrinking smaller and smaller until darkness found its place to reside in and take over.
From that point on, any efforts or attempts to cast a glowing light were quickly reduced or diminished. My naive innocence however remained. I was an empty and outer shell with no sense of identity, purpose, or direction. I was envious and jealous of those who casted a brighter light than I. Wondered how and where they got strength to shine. Consumed by defeat and plagued by incessant images of myself in cracked mirrors, I retreated further into self-preservation. Stares and glares across the room passed by, I wondered when it will ever end.
An opportunity came by and took me by the hand, it beckoned me to end the deafening noises. I was frightened but at the same time relieved. It would all be over soon. This is how it will end. But it never came. It grabbed me and landed me somewhere white and new. I temporarily found a place and a purpose. I felt loved and needed. It was a fun and joyous experience. For once I felt like I belonged. This could be the beginning of a brand new start.
Once released back into the wilderness, I stumbled and ran chains slowly becoming undone. Landed into a hole where darkness found me again. I struggled into the unknown yet a sense of familiarity washed over me. Time went by and I was still falling until something grabbed a hold of me. Pulled me out and a different light welcomed me. Faint and dim at first until it got stronger and brighter and I could feel my pulse racing. My old outer self, chiseling away and being tapered off, slowly but surely.
Though I walk a lonely road, I feel a surge of transformation and joy tucked inside. As I journey on into wherever it takes me, my heart still beating, I’ve found a new meaning and a place to unlock new chapters and stories. Depths of adventure and wonders await me. What will I find and who will I inspire in this journey of mine? How can I shaped by my unique experiences, guide others to find the light to aid their journey from a dark and desolate place? I guess the only answer I’ve got is to keep going
Here is my song playlist for My Journey Soundtrack ^_^
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