Your Journey Is Valid

Everybody reveals a different facet of themselves when interacting with various people because we're all unique with our own personalities, brains, characteristics, and experiences. That's why some people can speak positively of one person but others remember painful and bitter moments of that same person. 

Just because a lot of people have had positive and fun memories of someone while a few or one person had negative ones does not minimize or dismiss the latter group because their interactions were laced with hurtful or sour wounds by the person even if the majority never went through it with that same person. 

But whether it happened intermittently or all the time, they still played a vital role in shaping who you are today. To the few or one person who felt injustice, know that you are seen and heard and your voice matters. And while it may be a slow process of acknowledgment, forgiveness, and feeling safe in your secret place with God and trusted people to help dismantle and untangle layers of chaos and damage, your journey is your own. Nobody can tell you otherwise. If they do, they're making it about themselves ---> Ex. "That was never my experience." And that doesn't count 

You can redeem and repurpose the fragmented pieces into something greater and miraculous with the resurrected power and grace through Jesus.

God, why aren't you convicting this person?

I used to ponder and ask God, "why aren't you convicting this person of the wrong they committed against me?" Whenever I didn't get an apology or acknowledgement of my feelings being hurt. The older I got, I realized there were many lessons to be learned from them. 

If God had done so right then and there, how would that make me tougher, resilient, and more empathetic to those going through similar? Not just that, how would I learn to extend forgiveness and grace like He's done to me? Everyone's been hurt by somebody whether the words spoken were intentional, unintentional, a projection of vulnerability, a need for power and control with a desire to ruin people's lives because misery loves company. 

While it may feel like or appear God is letting them "off the hook" or invalidates and minimizes pain, He doesn't work on our timetable or operate within human understanding. 

God may have convicted that person and that person chose to ignore it. Or maybe the person isn't ready to face the truth and be held accountable for their actions because they're already in a state of vulnerability such as a physical illness, mental illness, or whatever and couldn't handle feeling "more exposed to harm" and become even more fragile. 

None of this to say makes their unkind remarks, condescending judgements, and tactless words or deeds justified or okay. It's possible to feel empathetic towards someone's struggles or conflict they have within themselves yet still hold them accountable. But accountability can be delayed or never happen in this lifetime if the person suddenly dies. When that happens and you're never given an explanation or apology, it teaches and builds your character. 

Perhaps you're learning to navigate relationships and communication with better wisdom than you used to. Or you're discovering yourself and embracing that unapologetically. I think you learn more through the unspoken and the unseen that's more powerful than an apology and changed behavior.

Projection

When a person reacts strongly in a negative way towards you because of your tastes in movies, music, or interests that have nothing to do with them, it reveals what's inside of that person who reacted not because it's anything to do with you but because of what's inside the person expressing judgmental dislike of your tastes. 

They are projecting whatever strong negative emotion they have buried in themselves and when a different perspective triggers their sense of vulnerability, they react strongly as a self defense mechanism to protect themselves from their fragile vulnerability or ego. That's not necessarily saying they're bullies as they can be genuinely nice to people who share similar values or interests in things and be positive and know how to have fun. 

But when they can't fathom someone who's different and in a sense mirrors who they really are or how they're really feeling beneath the surface, whether subconsciously or not they tend to project their emotions because they struggle to make peace with and articulate their vulnerability. 

There's nothing wrong with expressing opinions bluntly or honestly on movies, fashion, music, and pop culture provided it doesn't belittle, disrespect, or shame that person. There's nothing wrong with being feisty or fierce in personality either. But if they can express themselves that disrespects other preferences or puts people down yet becomes very defensive when another person does it to them, they're not really about celebrating or respecting individual preferences. 

They don't really value or respect honesty or bluntness if they can't accept it even in a constructive way. Such as a person holding them accountable for being unnecessarily tactless with someone's artwork or whatever. If anything, a truly blunt person who values honesty, directness, and unapologetic expression would be like, “hey this person speaks my language. I like that.”  

So the next time they make insensitive or unhelpful "blunt" remarks on the things you like because it's actually a shield for them to express dominance. Say, "Just because you don't like it doesn't change what I like.” Or "You know, that really wasn't a nice thing to say." You don't need their approval or validation for what you like or dislike. If you know who you are and where you're going in life, focus on that and keep going.

Be Gentle and Kind

People who are quick to react or respond critically are often their worst critics themselves even when they don't admit it. Even in positive and outgoing personality temperaments. They can manifest through disapproving stares, sarcastic comments, condescending glares, or saying ,"Wow. That was stupid of you to say or do that." With biting judgment and scathing looks of "you're not accepted or welcome among us" 

Yes, there are times and places to think and hold your tongue before you speak. There are people who don't think or filter their words carefully because they desperately want to fit in realizing too late often through disapproving gazes from others that they shouldn't have spoken. Something that just doesn't make sense to the topic in discussion even if in some sense it was related to that but it just didn't click very well in real time because their brains processed so fast it didn't have time to register until after it's already been said. 

While not everybody will understand or validate them because they're not inside their minds and were raised different, etc. It's helpful to be gentle and patient with these people when trying to teach them how to navigate various social landscapes and develop social awareness. 

The brain is wired by repetition and the more you repeat a thought or idea the stronger the connection between neurons grow forming patterns on how you connect with and shape the world. Those who are so quick to judge negatively and harshly do so because they do it to themselves all the time. It's learned behavior. Their minds are on high alert scanning for something or someone to criticize, especially when something doesn't "belong" in their worldview because it's different or abstract. 

While those who choose gentleness, patience, and kindness have sowed and watered those seeds they planted with TLC which shows through speech and actions. It all starts with tending to the roots to nurture healthy soil.

1 Kings 17:2-6

I was reading 1 Kings 17:2-6 in my devotions today and just wanted to share what I learned. 

God told Elijah to hide in a cave and He would supply nourishment from the ravens and the brook. Elijah obeyed and was provided food by the ravens and water by the brook. Whenever God calls us to do something, He always provides what we need to be nourished, strengthened, and equipped for what God has prepared for us ahead. 

It's easy to overthink the worst case scenario of "what if" this happens, etc when faced with the unknown but God already knows the future and has everything sorted out, our only job is to trust and obey Him and He will take care of the rest as we step out in faith by doing, "taking action". 

James 1:5-8 says if we lack wisdom to ask God who will give it to us liberally without finding fault. But when we ask, we must believe and not doubt which means that once God has given us wisdom, we act on it. We don't overanalyze or overthink it because then we become hesitant and unstable with doubting like being tossed to and fro like the waves. Thus He can't bless us or take us where we need to be. 

Whatever we are facing in life, ask God for wisdom in that area and when He shows us what to do, do it. And He will provide us and guide us in the process.