Appreciating How God Made You

When I was little, my mom would make me sit at the table on evenings and solve math problems out of a workbook. Coming from an Asian background, academics was very important to my mom. She would often get frustrated and yell at me when I failed to do it correctly. I was always bawling my eyes out every time she got angry. The more I cried, the angrier she got. Growing up, I struggled a bit in school. I always needed help from teachers and other students because I couldn’t do things right by myself. I struggled with problem solving, critical thinking, creativity, numeric logic, multi-tasking/juggling various things efficiently, and other things. The list goes on.

I’m the type of girl you would see in the back struggling with comprehension, athletics, head to hand coordination, calculating math in my head, you name it. The list is long. I always needed help from teachers and classmates because I just couldn’t and didn’t perform very well by myself.  People would constantly tell me, “Think, Jennifer, think!” “Use your brain!” “Why are you always making this so difficult!” It was really frustrating every time I struggled or people assumed I wasn’t trying when I was.

Eventually I wore a mask called “apathy” and became very lazy. I felt so incapable, helpless, and weak. I convinced myself it was pointless to try. I cheated off of homework assignments from friends and let my teammates do most of the work during group projects and boss me around with doing easy tasks. In the meantime, people would compare me to my brother who was more natural at making good grades and didn’t have to apply himself much. Some would say, “Seriously? You’re his sister? You’re supposed to be real brainy like him! What’s wrong with you!” When someone criticized or would try to correct my mistakes, I’d get very angry or discouraged and walk away. Sometimes I’d lash out or throw an object at them or on the ground. I felt like I was constantly being attacked and looked down on.

I became a victim of my own pity parties that I threw myself all the time. I started questioning God, demanding why He made me the way I am. It didn’t seem fair to me that I struggled with this while everyone around me was more self-reliant, capable, intelligent, and strong. The hatred I harbored towards myself kept rising and the more I hated myself, the more I hated God.

Just two weeks before my high school graduation, I tried to commit suicide. I didn’t think I would be able to graduate from high school and head to college. I felt like the world was crumbling down on me. I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive in the real world. It made more sense to take the “easier” way out. I feared being alone in my limitations and failures. I told God that it was pointless to keep me alive and He should replace me with someone more capable and strong to fulfill His grand purpose. However, my plan failed and I ended up staying in a mental hospital for a while.

If you’re wondering why God made you the way you are, it’s because He has a special, unique role for you! I don’t know what that looks like for you, but we all have the same purpose: To know God and make Him known.

“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?”-(Romans 9:20). In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul illustrates the importance of everyone belonging to the body of Christ and how each part has a function. Verses 22-23 says, “On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts we consider less honorable, we treat with greater honor.”

I’m certainly not the strongest, smartest, most sensible or wisest, talented, and skilled person. I've learned that because I’m very weak I often have people pouring into me and grow at a steady and slow rate. I've begun a process and journey of self-discovery where I have to depend on God so that He could use my weaknesses to showcase His awesome strength. That’s the only way I can positively impact people’s lives through words of encouragement, insight, wisdom, and bridging the gap to resources and other people. It’s only THROUGH GOD I am capable of what I do. Instead of viewing my limitations and utter dependence on God as a "disability" or a curse, I consider them a blessing. Thus, like Paul, I will boast evermore in my weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

That being said, whatever imperfections or limitations, and weaknesses you have, I want you to embrace them as gifts to impact your calling in this life you were given. I heard a story about Amy Carmichael (1867-1951), who wished her eyes were blue instead of brown when she was younger. She hoped and prayed that God would change her eye color, but was disappointed when He didn’t. Little did she know that many years later, God would use her to save countless lives of children and women from sex trafficking and rituals performed inside Hindu temples in India. Her brown eyes allowed her to blend in as she disguised herself with mud to look like the Indians and help them escape. Many came to know Christ through her as a result.

I want you to know and accept that who you are and how you were made is no accident. God didn’t make garbage (Genesis 1:31). Just because you don’t “feel” that way doesn’t mean that it’s not true. You are beautiful, adored, cherished, and dearly loved by God. And you each have something valuable to share with others. So celebrate that instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself only stifles your gifts and uniqueness. Don’t let anyone (especially the enemy) tell you that you're waste of space, an inept loser or whatever else that causes you loathe yourself with shame and disgust. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to as long as You continue to trust Him and center your identity in Him.

Romans 8:28, “And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.”

Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Psalm 139:14, “I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.”

Psalm 139:15-16, “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

For anyone who wrestles with understanding and accepting God’s love and their identity in Him, I’ve compiled some resources at the bottom to help you embrace how God made you and walk out your identity in Him. I’ve found these to be tremendously helpful and comforting to look over when I’m discouraged. It’s a good practice to rehearse these daily or whenever you need to. You can look these over and journal them if you need to or pray over these, or whatever. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. Just as long as they help you to see yourself in God’s eyes. Because honestly, it’s His opinion that truly matters. (And the more I'm growing in that knowledge, the more I'm beginning to learn and fathom God's unique way of tailoring me and embracing that.) ^_^ ♡

Who I Am In Christ Confessions

True Identity In Christ Scriptures

Who The Bible Says God Is And Why I Can Trust Him

Christian Identity

Identity in Christ + Armor of God